Oh the blogging ..
Posted by GTSdev 9 years ago
Im sorry for my complete silence in replies in my other blogs, but thank you. I wish i could just throw the depressive void away, and if i could do poetry well, i would have been uploading that on other sites to vent out, but i cant so, i kinda only has these random blogs and such. I listen to everyone of you, and i see your indivudual replies as heartfelt and deep, so im really thankful i have this place.
I do have meny supporting friends, and they do mean the world to me, but as for fixing the "problem" is not something they can fix, but for meny years i seem to never even take a step or get any closer to fixing it, it feels so easy to just give up.
I usually just look around at the fandom, both the furry and pony one, and i see alot of pretty pictures with social arrangements, but i keep wonder what brings all these persons close to each other and why it is so hard for me to "enter their league" so to say. I feel so "out there" in comparation to them, i feel im not important enough or in any way in their group at all. In all honesty, i dot dare open my mouth to talk to a fur or a pony i have just met. But on the internet, i can speak openly and as much as my heart contains.
As soon as im brought to a place with alot of people, my selfestime, my courage, my even way of acting relaxed, drops like a bomb, i become drained of energy and i feel i need a room instantly to just relax before going back in. Its truly a living hell to be so close to so meny people on the net, that you so want to enjoy as friends, but you cant because of anxiety messing up my body on the spot.
My worst nightmare happended during one meetup before, where i went alone, i stood and watched other people talk, i had no way to interract, i felt completely like a stranger, a complete nobody when i were there. I dont want to live this nightmare again, and if i do im afraid i could cut the rope without further notice.
Posted by SplitterPic 9 years ago Report
don't be so hard with yourself
).
i think i've said something like this before, and if so, sorry for saying it again
i was afraid and "alone" when i start here, and i was even more scared to just only try to write something to someone, think of talking with better artist than me!
you was a great inspiration for me, i've always want to be part of your "group" of person or at least, do something to thank you just for be the one who always inspired me. when you give me the possibility to help you with your comic, i have no idea of how much that make me happy and..aaaah, i can't even describe it, i can only say that that was great.
i'm a little timid and close person, and since English is not my first language, this make me try to not talk to much with others, because i'm not so good with it and i'm afraid to write something wrong, it's not pleasant >>"
I understand what you are saying to us, i know it's hard, but I'm sure that you can overcome this.
as you can see, we are here to help you in our little, because we think you are a great, nice person and we want to help you get out of this problems.
so please, don't worry, if you need an help, we are here for give you an hand ^w^ (or an hoof, hehe
(p.s. if i've wrote something wrong, please don't kill me, i'm not so good with english ç-ç)
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Posted by Humbug 9 years ago Report
"I do have meny supporting friends, and they do mean the world to me, but as for fixing the "problem" is not something they can fix"
It took me a long time to learn this, but you are right. When someone's horribly depressed, friends can't fix the problem. It has to be the depressed person himself. The role of friends, however, isn't to give up or abandon that person either. Friends are resources to use when the depressed person feels he needs them. They should be there, but they shouldn't be pushy.
A suggestion for the next meetup you go to: Make sure someone you know is going and make a plan to meet up with them. You might wind up latching onto them the whole time, but they'll bring you into other groups and you'll become more comfortable with everyone else in the process. I have a fair bit of difficulty just putting myself out there too, and I found that to be a good method to getting myself involved.
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Posted by NyxSparkle 9 years ago Report
I know how hard it can be to socialize with others; I've been through that phase in highschool. I only hung out with the same two or three people and that was it. I never spoke to anyone else much because I felt that my interests wouldn't interest them (and for the most part that was the case, I was one of the nerdest people in the school after all) so I was always in my own bubble and didn't want to mingle with others.
But then a year after highschool (I had satrted watching the show for about 6 months by then), I randomly crossed paths with one of those I hung most often with back in school. Before I continue, let me tell you that I felt more out of place in this world because I didn't think other people my age could watch MLP. Yet, when I met that person again, one of his friends with him was a brony. We got to talk, then learned to know each other, he showed me the fandom, and then he brought me to meetups. It was awkward at first, meeting new people and all, yet I didn't feel as 'lonely' as I used to feel before. And like Humbug said, try going to a meetup with someone you already know. Cuz even I wouldn't have dared go to one by myself the first few times. I needed someone to help me out of my personal bubble for a time. Maybe what you need is something similar?
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Posted by GTSdev 9 years ago Report
I dont really know anyone nearby, sadly. I wanted to go to the svs this may but.. as i dont know anyone i dont know how to do.
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Posted by SplitterPic 9 years ago Report
if i wasn't so distant I would have come with you
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Posted by The_Prof 9 years ago Report
As someone who has depression themselves, all I can recommend is something that's worked for me. Different people react in different ways after all. But what I've done is get a point of pride. Something that you can feel proud of, no matter how small. And remind yourself of it when things start to hurt. Sometimes all it takes is seeing the shred of silver in the grey to scatter the cloud.
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Posted by MirceaKitsune 9 years ago Report
Not sure what more to say myself. I met you a few years ago, and you are a really nice and sweet person! I'm sorry you deal with such a bad depression as well... I'm familiar with the feeling, and know it's difficult to handle sometimes.
The only thing that works at least for me (might not for others) is trying to think of what's depressing me realistically rather than through the depression. For example, someone feeling like they're a bad person doesn't always mean they actually are... it depends whether they really did something bad, how bad, if intentional and for what reasons. I think that over time, people automatically find a way to understand what causes it for them and deal with it better... although it can unfortunately take a while. It's not something that has an easy solution sadly.
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Posted by FoxKai 9 years ago Report
Dude i understand exactly how you feel, everytime i come online i see all these people who seem to be friends and how people who out of no were started drawing are already a part of these groups and i always feel left out and wonder how i could be a part of these group.
And when it comes to meeting new people in person i panic to the point at which some times people have had to take me away from everyone before i break down i cant handle it, everyone else is talking in their groups but im left alone and too shy to speak up so i wind up being the loner and not saying anything and regret not doing anything.
But i understand the derpression side of it, i get it all the time and have had it for years since i was 14 and every little thing can trigger it and cause panic attacks just take a look at my blogs.The best thing for me i found is just randomly talking ot people online as its a lot easier to do than to a person in person, and even then its real hard i still lack the confidence to just message someone and say hi.
But anyway if you need someone to talk to im willing to offer my help i have a skype if you ever want to talk to someone.
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Posted by Birichino 9 years ago Report
What you're describing sounds a lot like severe social anxiety, and it's totally something you can learn to manage. Taken as a whole, many things are overwhelming, but if you just work at having the confidence and self-worth to go a bit further out each day, you can see that things are seldom as bad as we make them out to be.
Though to be fair, the way I stopped being shy was by becoming exaggeratedly callous. Worrying about offending people just wasn't worth it. If they're offended, they need a reason, and if it's not good, the problem's on them.
I'm not sure I recommend that, though; I'm a jerk. Who is bad at consolation. Just...try to recognize that you have more value than you're crediting yourself with, and if it's really that bad maybe investigate treatments for anxiety and depression. Vitamin D helps in the winter, I can attest.
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Posted by GTSdev 9 years ago Report
Thank you, i can offer you this smile
I do take some .. small steps each day, i do take vitamin d and i do get light during the winter. Im left alone alot, so i get a little too much time to think about things, which isnt healthy when i got depression. So ive been trying to just, keept myself at bay with activities, but the more i do em i wish they were a lil more .. productive. Gaming helps you forget and all that, but its more a standstill than a fallback, while i want to go forward.
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Posted by MyLittleFeast 9 years ago Report
A pet is the best choice if you can't find people. It can be anything, I had a hamster as a best friend growing up. He loved cheetos :3
Maybe you need someone who you can talk to; animals can't talk back but if you feel close enough to them, you get your response in their own way. My hamster had this twitch-a-twitch thing he did with his nose sticking through the cage bars. He was the only one who understood me as much as I him.
His needs were simple and it helped me realize my own needs were simple too.
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