You know, i usually wonder how to start out these blog things, but eventually i allways start out with a "hello" so, i will do just that.
Hello c:
I just wanted to take a moment, to say that im sorry for not responding on your comments if you have placed some in my artworks
When i look through my comments, i see em all, and i become so happy to see that some took the time to place their words below my artwork~
Im really jumpy about my activity now, and im so so sorry. So sorry ..
Im getting abit happier and a little better with time, but depression is really nasty to overcome, but im doing my best and occasionally get a rush from doing what i did back in the days when i first started drawing on ekas. I remember how good it made me feel, to feel how hard work payed off with the smiles from you all. You are amazing, you made me feel so amazing, and im SO glad that i could impact so meny of you.
Im working hard to regain that feeling, but in truth, whenever i pick up my pen, i keep reminding myself of a time i wasnt proud of. A time where i did stupid choices, and in generally, all i think about when i see the pen and the tablet is "that one time where i lost"
Its hard to explain, but it makes me really, really demotivated to even try. I do draw sometimes, but i let myself distract too much and i dont put too much interrest in my comics even tho i pressure myself to do em, like some kind of streamline work.
I usually did em just for the luls, and then i did em because i made others happy. But now i keep dwelling in the past, as if i learned something that keeps haunting me, some "new reality" as if my perception of life has changed so much over the past 3 years.
I want to say to myself that i wish i never experienced the last 3 years, but in a way, i still dont want to forget it.
One thing i regret though is that i regret 100% putting drawing, and you guys in the second line of my priorities. I ended up getting other priorities back then, and i wish i really didnt.
I feel strange when i havent done any work in a long time, i feel ashamed that even though i had alot of time to make comics, i still didnt do it, and i cant stop thinking that perhaps .. some of you blame me for not doing so, even though meny assures me that it isnt the case. Its pure guilt.
So, with all that going on, i didnt have enough energy or interrest in my works, not even enough to reply to your amazing gentle comments, and im so sorry. I will try to reply to as meny as i can in the future.
I love you sillies <3
Posted by Humbug 8 years ago Report
I know this is much, MUCH easier said than done, but you need to take it easy. Artwork is incredibly difficult to do when you feel like it's a chore or an obligation. You have to do it when you feel like doing it, and you have to do it for yourself. The more you worry about what other people think, the harder everything becomes, which leads to you not doing the work you think you owe them, which leads to you worrying even more that they think you're a fraud/incompetent/whatever other stupid things your brain is telling you.
Human brains are amazing, but they can be completely idiotic and get themselves into negative spirals. The only way out of such things is just to take a step back, breathe, and realize it's stupid.
No one here hates you. At least, not anyone whose opinion you should care about. Some people may hate you for what you draw (which is dumb and awful and thus not worth caring about), but no one hates you for who you ARE. You're a good person, and your worrying about what other people are thinking is proof of that, but all that worrying is hurting you, and no one wants that.
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Posted by Lucky 8 years ago Report
I agree with Humbug.
Art is communication of your soul. You can't force it to be what you want it to be. It is a reflection of some part of who you are right now. You have given freely of yourself to this community; you owe us nothing.
We love your work, we love your ideas; your spirit. Share as you feel moved to share. When you do, we'll be here. We won't forget you. We understand your life is hard; that it sometimes hurts so badly that you don't want to keep going. And we are as helpless to do anything about it as you. But that doesn't mean that you're not important to us, and that we don't think of you. We love you too.
It's good to hear from you. Take things at your own pace. I'm glad to hear you're trying out reordering your priorities; I hope it brings you a greater fulfillment. You will find what works for you if you keep trying. I wish you the best of luck.
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Posted by GTSdev 8 years ago Report
Thank you. It feels like a checkpoint for me tha you support me, but sometimes i just have to be reminded. Thank you buds.
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Posted by apples323 8 years ago Report
All things considered, I do think that you've come a long way from where you were at about a year ago though. Progress seems to have been made in terms of your overall happiness. It's still a process and not every day will be better than the last, but I'm glad you have slowly come back into the light. U r still silly.
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Posted by GTSdev 8 years ago Report
Thank you for noticing. and its true. Alot of you have helped a great deal with getting me on me legs. And my family too have shown exeptional support, and we have been spending alot of time together the past 3 years. And i can say, im alot happier now as it is. Thank you alot.
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Posted by Humbug 8 years ago Report
Not a problem at all. I don't get involved in everyone's depression trouble, but I consider you well worth the time and effort because you genuinely want to get out of it, and you're a genuinely good person.[ Reply ]
Posted by Birichino 8 years ago Report
I'm really happy to hear you're doing better in general.
But yeah. It's human nature to fixate on the negative. I know it's sometimes impossible to reason with your subconscious, but if it helps, most people won't notice or care when you fail. Your mistakes are more substantial to you than to anyone else, so if you can get past them, they won't matter anymore.
We can go through rough patches, sometimes very long ones, and sometimes lasting most or all of our lives to date, but we have to keep learning and growing stronger from what we can.
Of course, it's easy to say wise things from behind a monitor, but if you have the ability to recapture what motivated you to do something you enjoy, you should capitalize on it ASAP. Opportunities and feelings can both be very fleeting, and your first duty is to yourself. Keep yourself in a place of happiness and you'll do more for your fans than overburdening yourself would, anyway.
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Posted by GTSdev 8 years ago Report
Yeah, you are right. Its been really strange a feeling to suddenly focus on all the bad things. Leaving me to think that i might have lived mentally as a kid for abit too long. It feels though that all negativity i faced happened for no reason, as if i had to face it to harden me more in the future. Which makes me abit angry, as i feel that i didnt need the negativity in the first place, because i were doing fantastic!
Thank you for your time to reply c:
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Posted by AugustBebel 8 years ago Report
Aww, little pone, it's okay. Just keep doing what you think you like. I know, how hard to do pics sometimes, lazyness and some IRL problems, but don't panic, or become upset. We all love you.
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Posted by NodDragon 8 years ago Report
You already know that I always will support you no matter what you do. So I will just say about replying to comments, don´t worry about it for, at least for me, knowing that you read them is all I need, I write them to show support and friendliness towards you. Neither should you worry about jumping around with your activity, none of us expect you to use your time on drawing, personally, I just want you to do what you feel like doing in your own pace, even if it is not drawing at all, I just want you to be as glad and happy as possible. So try not worrying about it, I know it is hard not to worry about what other think of one, I have the same problem, just remember that none of us think bad about you nor blame you.
And to last, when you feel demotivated or sad, just remember this, you are a truly amazing person and I am really happy to know you ^^
(and sorry if the comment seems a little weird, not that good on the entire knowing-what-to-write-and-how-to-write-it thing, hehe)
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Posted by vorefanatic314 8 years ago Report
As yet another person who is also battling depression/depressing thoughts, I can reassure you that you're not alone; we are here for you; and everything will be ok in the end, absolutely no matter what. Just keep hanging in there, and know that all things will improve with time and effort. You can do whatever you need to do, and that is a fact!
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Posted by GTSdev 8 years ago Report
Thank you august.. you are really amazing, i like you too :3
Hehe dont worry about it, im really really happy i have your support ^3^ .. im really glad to know you
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