Isolation (M/F, hard)

[MidnightRose]

(This is actually more of a creepypasta than a story. Sorry if it seems unclear during some parts. It may sound rushed because I finished it all in one sitting.)



I can’t remember how long I’ve been like this.

Why did Mom and Dad leave me all alone? I didn’t do anything. At least, I don’t think so.

No, I’m sure of it. If I was a bad person, my parents would have punished me. Instead they put me here.

But wait, I was bad once. Back during elementary school…there was this girl I really liked. I went to talk to her one day, and then all I recall was red and screaming. How had I forgotten? That time…

The doctors say I have a mental disorder, that my actions aren’t normal. I don’t understand it. Why can’t I just leave? No one’s watching me.

I did try once.

My hands instinctively grabbed the cold steel bars. I bent them easily, as if they were made of rubber. So much for tight security. I crept out the poor excuse for a window like a cat and soon felt nothing below me. My back hit the pavement with a ‘smack’, and it feels bad. Real bad. But you know what? The next second, all the pain slipped away, as if I had imagined it. I payed no mind to it and stood, turned my face to the sky; night.

My feet started moving of their own accord - I ran, raced down some abandoned street. A great energy surged through me, one I hadn’t experienced in years. It was fucking fantastic.

There was a streak of yellow, and I skid to a halt. Golden locks framed the heart-shaped face, sapphire eyes peering at me in surprise. She said something, but I couldn't make out what it was.

It was just then that I realized the aching in my stomach. Staring at her, I heard something within me rumble, like distant thunder. She touched my face; soft, cool skin. There was a sudden desire to have her, to love her. I leaned in to kiss her…

~~~~~~~

I must’ve blacked out. The next thing I knew I was laying next to the mutilated corpse of that woman, her flesh stripped from every bone - dried scarlet against ivory. Even her lovely blue eyes were missing; oh, that must have been one, rolling about on my tongue. Soft, wet, squishy. I swallowed.

Everything came coming back then. Zioth, was it? You really are an amazing creature. My body was yours tonight once again. Sorry I forgot, my old friend.

Right now as I watch that pretty young nurse outside my secluded cell of a room, I can feel you wanting it again. Not to worry. You'll get your feast soon enough.

[Hagglesmite]

Very interesting story there. The only real critique I can give with this is that I think it should be a bit longer, as just as you get into it it stops.

Overall I really like your simple imagery and statements, which really drives home how second-natured this action of arguable atrocity (by normal society's standards) is to this character and his inner demon. Even so, I do think that a bit more imagery and elaboration could have filled this story out a bit and made it richer.

As a writing/animation major myself, I can definitely say that I enjoyed reading this not only cause it's vore, but because the overall quality was enjoyable Well done!

[prisoner]

I think this snippet stands on its own just fine as is. It's efficient. Normally, I wouldn't go for the first-person perspective. In this case, it seemed very practical.

My only objection is that last sentence. You said that his inner demon needs to feed every few years and, in my opinion, his feelings toward his own action are unclear. Will this become part of his routine because of the demon's lust or because of his own?

[MidnightRose]

Yeah sorry, it sounds kinda awkward toward the end, and I could've fleshed it out a bit more if I wanted to (no pun intended, lol).
The demon's lust controls him; he only knows that he must obey it, thus not understanding some things. Hope that clears it up a bit.

[prisoner]

That does make it clear to a certain extent. It is easy to overlook something like that in a rush job.

In first person POV, even if the character doesn't understand what's going on, there should be enough info. there for the reader to figure out what is happening and why. An exception would be suspense, which you probably shouldn't have at the end of a short story anyway. ; )

[MidnightRose]

My apologies. It's my second time attempting to write creepypasta.

[MidnightRose]

*UPDATE*

Fixed it up a bit.