Sparky_the_chu - Thu, Nov 19 2009 05:35:29 AM EST
oh yes, I remember those guys o.o actually...that game was full of vorish creatures X3

Kiala_Tiagra - Tue, Nov 17 2009 05:48:24 AM EST
aww i'm loving this vore. its a good one dear

RenaAyama - Mon, Nov 16 2009 05:16:19 AM EST
nope x3 these are small slugs, if you step on them in the game it makes a sound that wake up the fleech

Alexander_the_ant - Sun, Nov 15 2009 09:22:18 PM EST
Fleeches are fun! ^^ Great to see such a lovely pred! <3

temporos - Sun, Nov 15 2009 08:19:15 PM EST
What's that it's spitting out up top? Remains?

LeSarthois - Sun, Nov 15 2009 10:49:08 PM EST
ITS A TRAP! Wait... Soap is still in her paw...

Great job you've done.

ublover1 - Sun, Nov 15 2009 07:48:56 PM EST
really nice job i love it

BlackRose - Sun, Nov 15 2009 04:31:38 PM EST
Lovely job with this and yes I agree with wet fur ;D

zelphi - Sun, Nov 15 2009 04:02:38 PM EST
nice job. good work.

Kiala_Tiagra - Sun, Nov 15 2009 01:11:39 PM EST
oh dear god....I didn;t knew you can draw bath and water dripping scene...so jaw dropping literally DX

Sparky_the_chu - Thu, Nov 19 2009 05:43:23 AM EST
wow, muscly tongue! :3

Soffix - Fri, Nov 13 2009 12:24:28 PM EST
Wowwers. Look at that tongue~.

Kiala_Tiagra - Fri, Nov 13 2009 10:02:27 AM EST
your work gets better using tablet i gotta say

Kinne - Thu, Nov 12 2009 09:57:37 PM EST
why are you disappointed? its great^^ i wish i had money for a commission for when you take them

CanisLupisVulpe - Thu, Nov 12 2009 06:58:11 PM EST
Nice job on the details, especially on the drool.

MrPandaBear - Wed, Nov 11 2009 06:50:53 AM EST
Welcome, and good thing she looks nice and full so gives the rest of us a chance to hide!

vmoartet - Mon, Nov 09 2009 08:07:33 PM EST
I enjoy seeing this particular species/gender as a pred.

Metalforever - Mon, Nov 09 2009 05:53:15 PM EST
They are, arn't they?

Metalforever - Mon, Nov 09 2009 05:52:58 PM EST
Thanks.

Metalforever - Mon, Nov 09 2009 05:52:51 PM EST
Thank you :)

ublover1 - Thu, Nov 05 2009 06:03:22 AM EST
i like how she pushing down her hand on her tummy

Sparky_the_chu - Wed, Nov 04 2009 06:20:55 AM EST
soooooft belly :3

Kiala_Tiagra - Wed, Nov 04 2009 03:59:11 AM EST
I didn;t draw you, does that mean I'm in her? trick question X3

Cobalt - Tue, Nov 03 2009 12:44:12 PM EST
Once again, I agree with Christy...

azofer - Tue, Nov 03 2009 07:40:31 AM EST
Nice! Awsome, you are so tallented =D

electricalsnake - Tue, Nov 10 2009 04:31:45 PM EST
I haven't drawn her at all, whats my punishmentXD

Leshana - Wed, Nov 04 2009 02:08:08 AM EST
I looked at all three versions, and for this drawing I like this flatcolor version the best actually. Part of it is the background, its cool how it uses the picture.

LightSpeed - Mon, Nov 02 2009 01:14:03 PM EST
Murrrr, sexy pose. ^.^ Me next!! <3

Cobalt - Mon, Nov 02 2009 12:43:28 PM EST
Yay! and I agree with Christy... >//>

ChristyRai - Mon, Nov 02 2009 04:10:56 AM EST
Mnph <3.. want in with swifty <3

abzde - Mon, Nov 02 2009 04:50:38 PM EST
I have to say your pencil drawings are absolutely perfect! Facial expressions, detail, and body scale are always spot on. I always enjoy seeing what you'll come up with next, because it never disappoints.

RenaAyama - Sun, Nov 01 2009 08:12:20 PM EST
hehe yeah. Thanks

RenaAyama - Sun, Nov 01 2009 08:12:04 PM EST
Then all of you should run away lol

RenaAyama - Sun, Nov 01 2009 08:11:25 PM EST
xD maybe

RenaAyama - Sun, Nov 01 2009 08:11:13 PM EST
hehe true x3

ChristyRai - Wed, Oct 28 2009 07:02:32 AM EDT
Well he's slow. Cuz digestion takes a while XD

MaxTwenty - Wed, Oct 28 2009 01:56:48 AM EDT
...Ha!

Awesome XD

Metalforever - Wed, Oct 28 2009 12:28:48 AM EDT
Thank you :)

DarkArtist - Tue, Oct 27 2009 11:02:06 PM EDT
Course you Vmoartet!

Lol nice work again!

Demihunger - Tue, Oct 27 2009 10:07:50 PM EDT
It's still lovable and huggable, besides good. Plus I agree with vmoartet on how good it looks with the stretched suit.

Metamatt - Thu, Nov 12 2009 01:12:02 AM EST
Sorry, but your princess is in another stomach!

Diggin' the anatomy, man. :3

Ryoukitten - Mon, Oct 26 2009 08:39:21 AM EDT
Bowser should have done that in the first place!! XD

Psycho - Mon, Oct 26 2009 03:04:42 AM EDT
Awsome awsome work!

Sweet avi btw

ichbinich - Sun, Oct 25 2009 04:38:07 PM EDT
Haha thanks^^
I tought the avatar would go well with my new signature XD

chaso07 - Sun, Oct 25 2009 04:04:24 PM EDT
damn fool. you're so good, it's scary. love the avatar

Bannor - Fri, Oct 23 2009 06:44:11 PM EDT
because it's that bad? Because it's that good? Because it's over?? What?! :3


Haw!

ouroborous - Fri, Oct 23 2009 03:36:57 PM EDT
...cryin' like a goddam baby...

ouroborous - Fri, Oct 23 2009 03:17:57 PM EDT
Yeeeeeesssssss!!!!! (reads like a maniac!)

Sparky_the_chu - Mon, Oct 12 2009 07:19:37 AM EDT
glad to see ya back!! :3 and also, veeeeery awesomely awesome comic >:3

prisoner - Sun, Oct 11 2009 02:35:48 PM EDT
Preds are so clever. They should be campaign/marketing advisors.

Davmil3111 - Thu, Oct 08 2009 05:38:55 PM EDT
Well, at least you had this last resort account >_> Sorry for what happened, but anyways, this is so cool X3 I love how you shade, looks pretty realistic, and you really do an astonishing job on innards o_o That stomach is so detailed =3 Thanks so much for doing this X3 Leon needed more pred spotlight XD It's so great :3

CanisLupisVulpe - Thu, Oct 08 2009 07:34:07 PM EDT
That is one sexy looking maw shot, and nice view too.

Davmil3111 - Thu, Oct 08 2009 05:37:02 PM EDT
It's still so shiny X3 If I didn't know it was a mouth I'd think this is cotton candy XD

gripper420 - Thu, Oct 08 2009 03:16:10 PM EDT
WOW! That's the most beautiful maw I have ever seen!

Kiala_Tiagra - Thu, Oct 08 2009 11:09:33 AM EDT
whats that thing wrapped around desto? o.o

Humbug - Wed, Oct 07 2009 08:19:25 PM EDT
Looks good. Nice use of the uncolored version in the background to show the difference.

ChristyRai - Wed, Oct 07 2009 07:26:14 PM EDT
Amazing work, sweety <3

ganon2280 - Wed, Oct 07 2009 07:04:48 PM EDT
this looks realy good.
ps[wats with the pic on the fridg?]

kernac - Mon, Oct 05 2009 10:26:12 PM EDT
Very nice maw^^

orca13 - Mon, Oct 05 2009 09:09:28 PM EDT
your face is not ugly, eat me orcas taste great i know i eat my own kind! i like photos of orcas geting eaten by your kind of animal!

Illidan - Mon, Oct 05 2009 08:26:34 PM EDT
I think your face is gorgeous!

Kiala_Tiagra - Tue, Oct 06 2009 11:24:57 AM EDT
i prefer the one with you in it x3

Codo - Tue, Oct 06 2009 02:30:53 AM EDT
It's like sleeping in a wet sleeping bag. o.o

SolidScale - Tue, Oct 06 2009 02:30:42 AM EDT
Mrawr... you look adorable in there 83

Very Freaking awesome! I can't believe my eyes half the time I see your pictures... |3~

Bannor - Sat, Oct 10 2009 11:55:44 PM EDT
You and me both!! haha

ScavengerDragon - Sat, Oct 10 2009 09:47:00 PM EDT
Cannot wait to see how the next turns out

Bannor - Thu, Oct 01 2009 03:01:31 AM EDT
Thanks! I'll need to keep writing! :3

ScavengerDragon - Thu, Oct 01 2009 12:41:02 AM EDT
Nice chapter there, I'll need to keep reading!

Bannor - Wed, Sep 30 2009 06:05:06 PM EDT
Not just Sex. It's SEX! :3

Humbug - Mon, Sep 28 2009 07:27:15 PM EDT
I do. I do.

kernac - Mon, Sep 28 2009 07:16:52 PM EDT
*Nod* You seem to like drawing him^^

Humbug - Mon, Sep 28 2009 07:11:19 PM EDT
Probably thanks to me, really. :P

kernac - Mon, Sep 28 2009 06:35:31 PM EDT
Damien, I'll have to take a look at him, I've been seeing him a lot in pics recently.

Humbug - Sun, Sep 27 2009 02:15:19 AM EDT
There are some, yes.

Nimade - Tue, Sep 22 2009 05:14:35 PM EDT
Great to hear :)

miranda_dragon - Tue, Sep 22 2009 12:10:54 PM EDT
This is by far my favorite hard vore pic.

anubis - Fri, Sep 18 2009 08:06:19 PM EDT
Thanks again so much *hugs*

Jackal/Lumania

Bannor - Tue, Nov 03 2009 04:56:06 PM EST
Firstly, thank you for taking the time to read the chapter, and for the detailed review/comments! I really appreciate getting a viewpoint from someone who wouldn’t otherwise read any of my stuff. I do want to comment back on a few points (at the risk of sounding defensive or whiny. Hehe). This story is part of a larger concept that started with another short story, and then branched off into a massive RP, and will lead into the next story. That’s partially why it’s as long as it is, since I’m trying to delve into the little world I’ve created more than just for the purpose of a single story. I did trim it down a bit as I edited to avoid draggy parts, and will keep your comment in mind for future stories. I appreciate you saying that because that’s a difficult thing for me – as the writer – to see in my own stuff. If some of the dialogue appeared repetitive, that was semi-intentional, as I wanted to build the relationship between the two characters as quickly as I could in the fictional time frame I was working in.

You’re the second person to make the comment of Andro being “too perfect” (although I’m not familiar with the Mary Sue reference). Andro shows a less-perfect side in the RP I’ve been using him in, and I think he comes off “better” in this story because of my wanting to idealize him and make him a bit of a larger character than just some random anthro lion (and he’s trying to impress the human he’s got the hots for). A bit of untold backstory from the RP is how he has watched the rest of his pack family pair up, where he has been left out to take the leadership roll – and as this story starts, Jimmy basically walks in when Andro is in a vulnerable, lonely state. I knew that writing the RP and the story at the same time would cause me to blur certain things, since the timeline is off by a few days.

Again, thank you for the insightful and constructive comments (nothing came across as harsh to me). I’ll be referencing them as I write the next story.

4ofSwords - Tue, Nov 03 2009 08:32:15 AM EST
Woo! That was a long one, just like you said.

It was very well written; the grammar and spelling were very clean, so the writing just melted away into the story the way it should. I enjoyed the hand-swallowing scene with Androcles very much, and I liked the interaction with the POV character.

There were a few aspects that, for me at least, didn't work as well. The first problem for me was the length. I definitely don't mind a long story when the action and characterization are driving me along, but this chapter felt like it was dragging its feet a bit through a valley between more exciting parts of the narrative. The action recalled by Andro seems like it would have made a better chapter than the interview recounting it the next day, and there are hints of more exciting things to come. I did enjoy the erotic tension between Andro and the POV character, but after about halfway through, it felt a little repetitive, like they were just rehashing the same emotional interaction with slightly different words.

Second, I think part of my problem with the length was that this first chapter felt very expositional; instead of thrusting us into a story with mystery and confusion and drama, it explained it all away. As soon as we are introduced to Jim's concern about anthros eating animals, the air is let out of that dramatic point by a page or two explaining that it's the best possible outcome for the rabbits. We are told, rather than shown (I hate that phrase, "Show, don't tell", but I guess it applies here) all about anthros' ability to swallow larger critters whole and withhold painful digestion, about their religion, and about their interaction with humans. In a way, this chapter feels like and introduction to a roleplay setting that's been fictionalized for readability.

Third, and probably because of all of the exposition, Andro came off as a little bit "perfect". I don't know if "Mary Sue" is the right term in this case, but his philosophical stance (and that of anthro's in general) seems have been born whole and unscarred from the remnants of post-modernism; unlike humans, there's no uncomfortable baggage or non-sensical traditions. That would make sense to me if the anthros were recent inventions - created in some scientist's lab without traditions or history, so they form their worldview from wholecloth - but if they have a history as long as humans that includes hiding from humans, it feels like there should be more animosity beneath the surface, some kind instinctual distrust of humans. Andro comes across as perfectly forgiving and gentle and accepting, which is perfect for an erotica vignette, but worries me about the course of a novel.

So, now that I've expressed my concerns, here's why should ignore them (or at least take them with a grain of salt): First, I read the story under the influence of a new vicodin prescription, and since I'm not used to taking painkillers (or medicine in general), I have no idea how much that influenced my ability to pay attention or follow rational thought. Second, I'm not your target audience. KavenBach and I have both come to the realization that when we read each other's stories (even though he writes M/f and I write F/m, we totally miss each other's interests), what we take as long, drawn out conversations and descriptions in the other person's writing are littered with little erotic clues that we don't get. He sees a lot of yappity yappity yap from my female predator, when I'm writing flirt flirty flirt. I see a lot of rehashed "this is scary" from his female prey, and he's writing a carefully-constructed crescendo of women-in-peril distress. I suspect there might some of that here as well, and what I'm seeing as setting the story in the lull between exciting action/erotica is actually a mating dance that's all but invisible to me. Third, the fact that it's only a first chapter is important - many of these issues could be addressed in later chapters. However, if other readers do have similar concerns, they may be prevented from reading on to chapter 2.

So, in summary, you certainly have the writing chops, but this chapter feels to me, in pace and revelation, something that belongs two or three chapters into a longer story, after you've already hooked your readers and built up a surplus of tension and have established some mysteries that need answers.

I -did- like the belly-button thing. Those kinds of details really help sell stories and characters.

Please let me know if you have any questions! I hope this didn't come across as too harsh!

Andro is a MarySue character

Actually, my first reaction was about its length; that it seemed longer than the action and characterization warranted.

Bannor - Fri, Sep 25 2009 09:33:00 PM EDT
Never heard of 'em! And my lawyer will attest to that! :P

ouroborous - Fri, Sep 25 2009 09:01:21 PM EDT
...and don't think I missed the oblique reference to the Westboro Baptist Church idiots.

Very sneaky, Mr. B!

ouroborous - Tue, Sep 08 2009 11:16:05 AM EDT
*checks big scaly belly*

"Man! Navel-less! I got gipped! Viviparous species get to have all the fun... Stupid eggs..."

kernac - Tue, Sep 15 2009 12:54:54 AM EDT
And that too hehe^^

Gelus - Fri, Sep 11 2009 01:05:04 PM EDT
I love it when you draw AV. And I hope it did a decent job at makin' ya feel better.

Sparky_the_chu - Thu, Sep 10 2009 05:49:01 AM EDT
*tries to cheer up swift too by hugging* piccie ish great! :3

exit_man2003 - Wed, Sep 09 2009 04:37:04 AM EDT
Mmmmmm, macro female anal vore, my favorite :)

Codo - Tue, Sep 08 2009 08:23:58 PM EDT
Oh lawdy! D: *TOsses in an air tank for him to survive a little while* o 3o Can't help it, least I could do. X3

Grick - Fri, Sep 11 2009 05:50:49 PM EDT
Nice story, very descriptive. That, and malevolant forces with enormous power focused in a small domain intent on manipulating their subjects using various illusions make for great horror. Bravo.

Generationslayer - Thu, Sep 03 2009 11:59:25 PM EDT
lol, that is weird

ganon2280 - Thu, Sep 03 2009 11:11:38 PM EDT
weerd i was just watching the teen titans episode were raven's fear and powers mixed after watching a horror movie.

BlackRose - Thu, Sep 03 2009 11:08:15 AM EDT
Your welcome ^^

Generationslayer - Thu, Sep 03 2009 05:44:49 AM EDT
Thank you :D

Sabre-Smile - Fri, Sep 04 2009 07:33:29 PM EDT
Weeell -Maybe.
That pose has got to be hard to get 100% right, but it's pretty close as is.

-Still win anyway (to me).
^^

Humbug - Thu, Sep 03 2009 08:30:20 PM EDT
Truuuuuue!

SolidScale - Wed, Sep 02 2009 07:12:05 AM EDT
Wha! Tch! Kah! Whaaaa? Nuuuuu~ It's not fail at all, and I ain't jokin', it's win! WIIIIIIIIN! 8D

RenaAyama - Wed, Sep 02 2009 03:54:35 AM EDT
wiiiiiiiiin!

RenaAyama - Wed, Sep 02 2009 03:54:19 AM EDT
naahh its just a fail, maybe except the head x3

maraudingmarauder - Sat, Aug 29 2009 05:41:18 AM EDT
Hehehe. I wonder what would happen if someone tried to catch her? :p

Sarbiton - Fri, Aug 28 2009 06:03:40 PM EDT
A wild Mae has disappeared!

Pisces - Sat, Aug 29 2009 03:03:48 AM EDT
Deliciously curved

PyroOutlander - Fri, Aug 28 2009 11:22:44 AM EDT
<3