At times, I feel like I am. I do a lot of things for my friends, loved ones, and family. Loaning money, doing free pictures for them, or fulfilling my half of trades with others long before they do their halves. I've bought games under their insistence, with the ultimately empty promise of doing something together with them. I give a lot to them, to people who I feel I know, and I always felt that it made them happy, which made me happy, for a time.

Nowadays, though, I'm not so sure.

This isn't something that's isolated, either. I've done things for friends that I don't normally want to do, under the promise of having it come back to me. Kept my mind, and my schedule, open to things that I'm not that interested in at times, for fear of hurting someone's feelings should I give them a flat-out “no”. I've waited, patiently, as they sift through their own issues—usually minor ones like laziness—and continued to wait. What choice have I? They're my friends, right? So, I must remain patient. With some of them, for months or even years. And, yet, as frustrated, as infuriated as I am, I can't bear to change myself from the person I am.

I'm here.

I listen.

I give.

It's how I'm meant to be. Whether or not it makes me happy.9 Comments