Excellently done. You put the right amount of detail into describing everything. My only criticism is that I felt the relationship between Lana and Anya progressed a little too quickly, from the reveal of Lana's feelings almost directly into the unbirth scene. I get that they are basically soulmates, but it just felt a bit rushed, especially for an cross species relationship. Maybe just a few sentence montage of how they got to know each other better over a few days or a week would help. Honestly though it's a small complaint, the story as a whole is incredible, and I would love to read about anything more that happens in this world.
I second this. This was really well done Notabot! Props and hats off to you. Personally I loved all of this story. I was really recommend continuing this series if at all possible.
Can't wait to see if you work more on this Universe. :D
This is an excellent story, well written, and full of details to help it feel real to the imagination. It feels like an introduction to a much longer story that needs to be told. Near the end the tale felt rushed and there seems to be a need for more friendship development, as in the way the first two characters interacted. The second interaction seems more important for these two characters yet got short changed by moving quickly along while failing to let the relationship grow and they discover their need for each other. Please do not stop in your writing, this is only meant as an encouragement to let the story move at its own pace. Length should not be a problem if that may worry you about finding readers. Thanks again for sharing.
Posted by Amberain 10 years ago Report
Excellently done. You put the right amount of detail into describing everything. My only criticism is that I felt the relationship between Lana and Anya progressed a little too quickly, from the reveal of Lana's feelings almost directly into the unbirth scene. I get that they are basically soulmates, but it just felt a bit rushed, especially for an cross species relationship. Maybe just a few sentence montage of how they got to know each other better over a few days or a week would help. Honestly though it's a small complaint, the story as a whole is incredible, and I would love to read about anything more that happens in this world.
[ Reply ]
Posted by F1reDem0n 10 years ago Report
I second this. This was really well done Notabot! Props and hats off to you. Personally I loved all of this story. I was really recommend continuing this series if at all possible.
Can't wait to see if you work more on this Universe. :D
[ Reply ]
Posted by Mid_Night 10 years ago Report
I love it notabot please more chapters for this story.
[ Reply ]
Posted by ILLEGAL ALIEN 93 10 years ago Report
Really nice story buddy I really hope that you can continue it soon
[ Reply ]
Posted by Adseria 10 years ago Report
Um...about the tags...was it not a foursome?
[ Reply ]
Posted by DresdenQ 10 years ago Report
fantastic! your works are excellent! I can't wait to read more!
[ Reply ]
Posted by drmrblu 10 years ago Report
This is an excellent story, well written, and full of details to help it feel real to the imagination. It feels like an introduction to a much longer story that needs to be told. Near the end the tale felt rushed and there seems to be a need for more friendship development, as in the way the first two characters interacted. The second interaction seems more important for these two characters yet got short changed by moving quickly along while failing to let the relationship grow and they discover their need for each other. Please do not stop in your writing, this is only meant as an encouragement to let the story move at its own pace. Length should not be a problem if that may worry you about finding readers. Thanks again for sharing.
[ Reply ]
Posted by 91buster 10 years ago Report
Truly brilliant
[ Reply ]
Posted by CarmineKitsune 9 years ago Report
Amazing story!
[ Reply ]