Uploaded: 9 years ago
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A guy and two girls sneak into a dressing room at a clothing store. Stuff ensues.
EDIT
I made a few corrections since first upload. A few grammar and writing issues, stuff an English speaker of twenty-two years should have noticed.
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Posted by ShadesofBlack 9 years ago Report
Wow! Loved the two of them casually using the store employee for fun like that, but then the further vore, with as much implied permanence... whooo, steamy in here. For some reason, I love the casual, willing, because-it's-so-hot vore style like this.
Posted by ad12345 9 years ago Report
(^_^)
Posted by ShadesofBlack 9 years ago Report
As a bit of critique, this could use a little proof reading. There were a couple times where the wrong pronoun was used, or the wrong body part described, and it took a little interpreting. For example "and the redhead pushing against his face would make this a quick one."
I still absolutely love the casualness with which they devoured first the store employee (who didn't seem to mind too much) and then *Sensored for spoilers*
Posted by ad12345 9 years ago Report
I will look over it again, thank you for pointing it out.
Posted by simalst 9 years ago Report
a really great one.
Posted by ad12345 9 years ago Report
Thank you.
Posted by nysmnyd 9 years ago Report
it's not that well written tbh, it seems very amateur.
Posted by ad12345 9 years ago Report
Can you tell me what you didn't like about it? I could always use some feedback.
Posted by nysmnyd 9 years ago Report
Too many full stops, beginning too many sentences with names, little to no description outside of "he/she said/did" for the most part, poor pacing, too many paragraphs.
Posted by ad12345 9 years ago Report
Okay, thanks. I like hearing proper feedback, it makes me better.