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A smexy space cargo shuttle pilot detects a stowaway who wants to pay their passage planetside. But some fares can only be paid in full...
This is an adaptation of a story. "The cold Equations" I've simply reworked it into a vore story and voraphillic setting. I also tightened up the scenario a bit where the original author didn't make things as airtight in the premise. Therefore I can't really take credit for the plot but more the voraphillic additions.
I read this story in school a long time ago and it still makes an impression on me years later. It was one of the first things I think that spoke to damsels in fatal situations desire of mine.
pics here: https://aryion.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=88&t=32934&start=360#p2426126
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Posted by captamis 8 years ago Report
*slow clap* "that was good very good
i have the feels now
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
Heh, I'm glad. Once again I can only take credit for sharing and adapting which is like 15% of the story. Tom Godwin wrote the original back in 1954, and the premise still holds water today.
Yah it's *that* old.
Posted by AzurePheonix 8 years ago Report
Tom Godwin wrote vore stories in 1954? I didn't think you could get away with that without being called a cannibal.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
No no no no! the original had no vore. I added it to the narrative! If this was a joke I don't really get it hehe.
Posted by ScaledWall 8 years ago Report
Nice to see more writing from you!
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
And it's nice to be appreciated!
Posted by ScaledWall 8 years ago Report
Hope I read some more F/M from you soon!
Posted by joeburp22181 8 years ago Report
Damn that was emotionally hard to make it through as the two spoke, but what a hell of a digestion and post vore scat ending, thanks for sharing.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
Absolutely. It was written at a time when most sci fi was all "Men Saving the day with SCIENCE!". Laws of physics were broken seemingly at will with no justification.
So this author came out with a short story bucking that trend entirely and made a tale with reality in mind where we are the ones bound by the rules of the universe.
He really ended up with an intense tragedy though, an impressive one for only being 10k words.
Posted by Apostolos 8 years ago Report
That was rather sad for the most part...
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
Oh yah. Which is why it's stuck with me for the past decade. The vore really softens the blow compared to the original.
It's just really powerful and everytime I come back to it which I do every few years it still leaves me with the same sense of devastation. I wanted to share something that consistently gives me the feels.
Posted by Novaprime 8 years ago Report
Now here's a real challenge, make it a happy ending while staying within the laws of physics. With friendly safe vore at the end of course.
Posted by Apostolos 8 years ago Report
Hmm an unbirth regression where the excess body mass is converted to a biological slurry that is expelled into the toilet and jettisoned? It's happier as the girl isn't going to necessarily die.
Posted by mojo-2131285 8 years ago Report
Bring extra fuel next time? And the have Marilyn stay in the commander's stomach for the rest of the trip?
Posted by Misasura 8 years ago Report
Sorry... I absolutely HATE 'The Cold Equations' because the entire premise of the story is shit. It's a good story for moral dilemma, but a terrible story in regards to everything else.
Sorry, I don't think I'm in the right mindset to read this one. Good on you for adapting a... *sigh* 'classic' though.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
It's an OSHA hellscape in a world with the most irresponsible engineers imaginable to be sure. Completely nonsensical in the sense that a spacefaring race would have no safety checks for weight *before* launch. Or pack fuel for an emergency, like you know in case of *inclement weather* like a tornado that could destroy a base camp? I tried to tighten this premise up a bit because the original had a few plot holes like throwing everything but the kitchen sink out the airlock instead. So I removed the airlock and made the ship collapsible. It could've been even better though if it were a question of air supply or food for a significantly longer supply trip.
But I'm really here for the dilemma.
Posted by mojo-2131285 8 years ago Report
I'm a big scifi/fantasy fan an I too have never understood the place this story has in the canon.
It's not just implausible but implausibility on top of implausibility. I mean forget the fact that no engineer in his right mind would fail to account for contingency, or that Barton could have weighed her and thrown something else out the airlock; lets grant all that. But he really couldn't have killed her first? Nope the story absolutely requires her to die in the most horrible way possible...ummm because science!
But to each his own.
Well at least we got a nice vore story out of it.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
He didn't even have to weigh her :P It's on her ID card!
But I tried to patch that hole up by stating the whole vehicle is one welded/molded piece that you'd need tools they didn't have on hand to pull apart.
It would make sense too, I mean the vehicle is supposed to be able to survive re-entry. Everything better be bolted down enough to stay put as it comes down. I hadn't considered shooting her first though... That would've been... humane.
Posted by mojo-2131285 8 years ago Report
Ah. I actually hadn't noticed your change there and I read the story in highschool so it's a little fuzzy. I still think there would have been a crowbar or something but I shou!d probably stop the hyper-critical fanboy analysis for now. It's a pet peeve of mine when writers abuse their characters needlessly, whether carelessly throwing them away or hurting them merely for emotional impact. Stupid, since they aren't real, but that's how I've always felt.
It makes a good vore story anyway. I always look forward to your writing.
Posted by mojo-2131285 8 years ago Report
Oh and I'm criticizing Godwin, not you.
Posted by anonymous19999 8 years ago Report
very well written, impressive amt of hard science but..... its too sad to register as sexy for me. well that and the disposal bits ofc
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
Definitely not for everyone. I'm not sure it'd register as sexy for me all the time either.
Posted by ShadesofBlack 8 years ago Report
The premise is really cool, and makes for a pretty cool adaptation to vore too.
I'm gonna be honest though... I couldn't finish reading it. Here there be spoilers:
"...had the stowaway been a man..."
Not sure how much of it was your writing and how much was inspired by The Cold Equations, which I also haven't read, but was certainly written in a more patriarchal era, where a woman wasn't thought of as having the personal agency to be a likely criminal.
But for a sci-fi futuristic "the laws of physics are the law, not arbitrary ideals" society, they were... pretty painfully sexist. At first I thought it was just the pilot, due to her own personal experiences, and a bit of implied societal female-superiority (with the vore protocol order.) But then the commander completely understood why things were different with just "it's a girl."
A huge part of the emotional premise seemed to completely hinge on the sex of the stowaway, that if it had been a man, it would have been just assumed that he was a criminal or selfish treasure seeker or saboteur, the end, and his sister never would have heard about it until the records officially went through. And might not have even cared. And pretty much everyone in the story seemed to agree that the sex-standard there was normal and also correct. But because she was a girl, that made her vulnerability, fear, and emotion valid. That made her a person worth explaining things to, who deserved compassion and sympathy.
I want to be clear, I'm not bashing you or your story, it's a work of fiction. You did a great job with this, honestly. As fictional sexist societies go, it felt emotionally REAL. Just unfortunately for me and some of my feminist ideals and history, it felt a bit too real to "enjoy." Which is to say I enjoyed it like I enjoy The Hunger Games.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
I noticed it too hehe. It looks like I missed a few things.
The pilot was originally a male in the story, and I really saw that as a driving force of the gender divide. So I changed the gender of the pilot and sought to change a lot of the "man/men" to "person/people" but it looks like I missed a few things in the updating. (There were hundreds of pronouns)
That concept should've just been "she's a kid" it's supposed to show her youthful innocence. And it hints at that by calling her a girl instead of a woman but the part about "if it were a man..." kind of vacuum seals the gender stereotypes of the era it was written in: 1950's America.
Still in the fetish setting I at least saw that part as an opportunity for the female pilot to relegate men to the status of foodstuff and elevate females to a status of something worth being saved.
It might not be enough though. I might be mixing oil and water here and there's no easy way to rip out that micro-prejudice. I can definitely say I glossed over the commander scene as it largely wasn't any different. Notice that the gender of the ship officers is never mentioned though. In the original I assume them all to be male. In this it felt more like they would all be females to me.
I fear I've butchered it.
Posted by ShadesofBlack 8 years ago Report
I don't think so, really. Although, I've read stories where it felt a bit more goofily "men tend to be food" etc and had no problem with them. I think it was just the way it came through to me, especially in the mood I was in last night.
At first I thought it was going to be one of those, where it felt like "okay, so women are dominant over men here, but men don't mind it, and that's just the way the world is because fetish story and reasons" thing, which doesn't bother me much. The author is into what the author is into. But when I got to the part where she's villainizing men in her head, it started echoing around a bit and I sat there thinking "This is a scary mix of female empowerment with still patriarchal thinking."
I may give it another crack when I'm in a lighter mood. Or a darker one, actually, might be better. I think part of it was honestly also that the photomanips gave me the idea the story was going to be mostly light and fluffy, and just based on the hard laws, but still sexy in nature, and it was an emotionally deep story. I wasn't prepared!
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
" scary mix of female empowerment with still patriarchal thinking."
Yah I see it in there. If I ever do something like this again I'll probly take more care to make the thought streams far more uniform it's a mish mash as it is right now.
Posted by mojo-2131285 8 years ago Report
Do you really think any sane man wouldn't have a similar reaction today?
Posted by ShadesofBlack 8 years ago Report
I'm not sure what you mean. The same reaction that I had? The same reaction that the girl in the story had? The same reaction that the pilot had? I'm confused.
Posted by mojo-2131285 8 years ago Report
The reactions of the pilot and his commander. I'm pretty sure I would be just as horrified as they were at hurting a naive girl, an adult male criminal probably not so much. You seem to think their reactions aren't called for. How they're portrayed is how most men I know would act in a similar situation (though they both seemed eerily resigned to what they're doing. If anything it would be more realistic to have them act even more protective of her).
Posted by davidargall 8 years ago Report
This is arguably the worst story to convert to a vore story.
The vore elements are just added on and just get in the way of the story.
The ethos is quite conflicting as well. In your typical vore story, the food gets as little sympathy as a steak. In our base story, the life of the girl is deemed highly important, in particular because she is a girl. But our vore story treats girls as the preferred meals.
In sum, you are trying to mix elements that don't mix, and the result is a loss in both respects.
Posted by ryanshowseason3 8 years ago Report
Entitled to your opinion, but obviously some people enjoyed it so... gfys
Also I think you've got it all wrong on the females as preferred meals. The males are eaten without question. The women refuse to eat each other except in this extreme situation.
Congratulations on failure to reading comprehension though. Have a nice day. :D