Posted by JadeTheDeer 7 years ago Report

Damn man, Spike needs to begin doing some espionage for the Griffons or some shit. Not too sure he's gonna be psychologically stable after a few more months of just accepting... that.

Posted by simalst 7 years ago Report

Let me say it this way:

the content is uncommon, and the behaviour of Celestia surprised me but the story is well written in its own kind.

Especially the sexual parts and the ones where Spike explores Blue Bell were to my liking.

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! Means a lot !

Posted by simalst 7 years ago Report

you are very welcome. You also seem like a fan of MLP, just like me. Good to know that there are some of the same kind out there if you get what I mean

Posted by simalst 7 years ago Report

I forgot: I know this story is written in a cruel way. But Celestia would be better if you let her behave in a sexy cruel way and not in a cruel forcing way. That's my opinion

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

Thanks for the commwnt!

Posted by juicefox 7 years ago Report

I actually really liked this story. I love callous preds, so the attitudes of the alicorns were perfect for me. It was a bit too heavy on the scat, and I'm always disappointed to see good predator get eaten, but those are both personal preferences.

As for criticism, I LOVED the way the story ended, but it was a bit too subtle. Subtle is good, but the ending was so vague that it wasn't completely clear what happened. The way I interpreted it was that Spike was eaten would be digested as Celestia and Twilight had sex. I love this ending because it's surprising (all the training, and Spike's excitement to reunite with Twilight led me to believe that he would survive), and it seemed appropriate. This is the only reward for serving a people who thinks that your kind exists solely for their pleasure. But, again, the ending is so vague that I don't know how much of this was intentional, and how much of it was my desires projected onto it.

That was my only real problem with the story, but I do have a couple of suggestions. First, When Spike retrieved the blanket from Bluebelle's stomach, I think it would have been better if, instead of dogs, Spike found a dragon using the blanket to survive. The story is about Spike choosing ponies over his own kind, so he should be confronted with that choice. Make him doom one of his own kind for the digestive health of an alicorn. It would also be a nice escalation. It's one thing to help Celestia digest an already doomed dragon, but to abandon a dragon who could be saved takes things a step further.

Final suggestion is a very minor one, but I think the story would have been stronger if you had cut the part where Spike said he was willing to be eaten. I saw this story as like a Grimm fairytale where poor choices lead to dire (and fatal) consequences. The consequence for choosing ponies over Spikes own kind just doesn't seem as dire if Spike is willing.

Again, great story.

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

Thanks for the read and thoughtfully considered comments. That was indeed my concept of the ending, although I left it a little ambiguous since as a fan work an a commission I want to leave a little space for varying definitions of a happy ending. The buyer also requested heavy scat. Artistic license is always an option however.

Somehow you detected the secret "message" of the story too! Nice. :) I put one in almost everything I write and it's rare someone picks up on it.

I agree with your last suggestion too, that might better highlight the delusion between his sort of fantasized relationship with ponies and the "actual" one in this particular universe.

Posted by dudey64 7 years ago Report

Spike gets all the best jobs, such a lucky drake being the best assistant imaginable.

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

He's a very lucky guy in certain ways :)

Posted by lordmep 7 years ago Report

Absolutely loved this. I read JuiceFox's comment and am afraid My thoughts are all pretty similar. I liked the moral degradation as Spike completely submits himself to this new way of life. The scat was a bit too much, though I did like the vague ending. I also liked the way the maid partially filled the bucket, as though she's already working to condemn him, perhaps so that she can live another day. As for what I'd have liked to see, I think there should have been a bit more sex. There could have been a scene with an alicorn raping or having sex with a pony, only to turn the tables and eat them when it was over.

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

Thank you for reading and commenting ♥ I've got a bit sidelined with personal life stuff but I should have something new and very different from this done soon.

Posted by Mechdragon1k 7 years ago Report

I love this and the scene with the eggs just captured my mind.

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

thank you! ♥ I liked that a lot too :)

Posted by Mechdragon1k 7 years ago Report

I love this and the scene with the eggs just captured my mind.

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

thanks!

Posted by bob8boy8 7 years ago Report

this is one of the best clopfics I've ever read. the way you portrayed the selfishness of the Bluebelle character was fantastic. now I hope you get another MLP commish lol

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

thanks! :)

Posted by Koopabrony32 7 years ago Report

This story is great stuff one of the best stories I've ever seen I'm kind of hoping for sequel to it honestly

Posted by Indighost 7 years ago Report

I might do it, I've been thinking about it and the guy who asked me is a really nice guy. I just prefer cows over horses but they are pretty similar hoenstly so we'll see what happens.

Posted by Koopabrony32 7 years ago Report

Awesome