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- May 2019
   Wed May 15, 2019 9:02 am

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Permanent Linkby Skittles209 on Wed May 15, 2019 9:02 am

I'm not omnipotent. And I don't anyone else is. I am not one of those 'i"m so smart space and time bend to me' types. No comment.

But I feel like I am the only person who refuses to speak with their fellow co workers because of the three common directions things can go. 'You're fired.' 'Lawsuit.' 'Your moving stations because soandso heard/repeated something you said and cannot stand working with you anymore.' At least at my workplace. I wanna say 'Oh, maybe it's an age thing' but I think it's more of a 'me' thing. Really annoying that 'I' tend to have a stony expression when some one drops a bombshell like "my mom died on mother's day.". Or I think it's supposed to be a bombshell, supposed to make me feel bad. But instead my mind, and nearly my mouth, revolves around 'You are hurt, you are trying hurt me back I think, but I am between not caring and just being what I define as empty'. Yes, they are hurting. I can see that. I saw the tears and redness in your eyes. But also yes others are hurting too. Or maybe I just happen to know a few who have faced similar issues. So. Sorry for not shedding any tears? Sorry for not expressing sympathy in any form aside from wanting to say 'Sorry for your loss'? I've lost family too. Pretty sure most people have lost family. But. Of course I have to be thee asshole who has to say that. Think that. Know that. And that death is a natural thing that eventually happens. I mean its not the death but the how that bothers me? Too get personal. One dies from a heart attack while driving and crashed, coroner's report or something for that one. One died because of an aggressive cancer. The latter was in pain, that bothered me. That was heart wrenching. But when they passed. I felt... better? Others have died but I really don't know much aside from their death being quick. No drowning, no dissolving. No anything that was not a natural happening or was unecesarrily cruel.

I don't know why or anything about myself. But I perfectly understand why others look at me with disgust or hatred for not expressing certain things to the extreme that they do. It makes perfect sense. Here they are, feeling pain. An incredible amount of pain, almost as if they were being... harmed multiple times form the inside on a repeated cycle. And there I am just doing my best to ensure all the details are to my satisfaction. Or something like that. Not expressing the same pain they are and that makes me an outsider and being told 'You were not close' or 'You never knew him' and even 'Your'e just as cold as your reptiles'. Part of it may be because I believe that I am a sociopath. But the other side might just be because I know how to take care of myself. It's far more concerning of the individual who is so far into their sorrow they stop moving, eating, and doing anything because of ______. Depression. Anger? Sadness. Etc.

>.> ^^; :|

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