How to be Rejection Proof - Self Help Journal

Posted by ilbv 4 years ago

 

I've recently finished reading: Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang and I was surprisingly impressed with what I learned, I also saw huge comparisons not just with myself, but with so many people here in the community. So I have taken it upon myself to transcribe the "Lessons" that are at the back of the book, which is essentially the core part of the book without all of the "story" interweaved around it.

I hope it makes for an easy read for you guys and that you might also learn something or feel something within the words. Share it with those you feel might want to read it. I hope this will help make everyone feel a little relieved and motivated to go out there and pursue things you really want.

Lessons, from Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang.

Rejection Toolbox: Re-thinking Rejection

1. Rejection is Human.
Rejection is a Human interaction with two sides. It often says more about the Rejecter than the Rejectee and should never be used as the universal truth and sole judgment of merit.

2. Rejection is an opinion.
Rejection is an option of the rejecter. It is heavily influenced by historical context, cultural differences, and psychological factors. There is no universal rejection or acceptance.

3. Rejection has a number.
Every rejection has a number. If the Rejectee goes through enough rejections, a "No" could turn into a "Yes".

How to Take a "No"

1. Ask Why before Goodbye.
Sustain the conversation after the initial rejection. The magic word is "why" which can often reveal the underlying reason for the rejection and present the rejectee the opportunity to overcome the issue.

2. Retreat, don't Run.
By not giving up after the initial rejection, and instead retreating to a lesser request, one has a much higher chance of landing a "Yes".

3. Collaborate, don't Contend.
Never argue with a rejecter. Instead, try to collaborate with the person to make the request happen.

4. Switch Up, don't Give Up.
Before deciding to quit or not to quit, step back and make the request to a different person in a different environment or under a different circumstance.

Positioning for "Yes"

1. Give my "Why"
By explaining the reason behind the request, one has a higher chance to be accepted.

2. Start with "I"
Starting the request with the word "I" can give the requester more authentic control of the request. Never pretend to think in the other person's interests without genuinely knowing them.

3. Acknowledge Doubts.
By admitting obvious and possible objections of your request before the other person, one can increase the trust level between the two parties.

4. Target the Audience.
By choosing a more receptive audience, one can enhance the chance of being accepted.

Giving a "No"

1. Patience and Respect.
Rejection is usually a hard message. Delivering the message with the right attitude can go a long way to soften the blow.
Never belittle the rejectee.

2. Be Direct.
When giving a rejection, present the reason after the rejection. Avoid long convoluted set-up and reasoning.

3. Offer Alternatives.
By offering alternatives to get a "yes" or even simple concessions, one can make the other person a fan, even in rejection.

Finding Upside

1. Motivation.
Rejection can be used for the strongest motivations to fuel someone's fire for achievement.

2. Self Improvement.
By taking the motion out of rejection, one can use it as an effective way to improve an idea or product.

3. Worthiness.
Sometimes it's good to be rejected. Especially if public opinion is heavily influenced by group and conventional thinking, and if the idea is radically creative.

4. Character Building.
By seeking rejection in tough environments, one can build up the mental toughness to take on greater goals.

Finding Meaning

1. Find Empathy.
All rejections are shared by many people in the world. One can use rejection and suffering to obtain empathy and understanding of other people.

2. Find Value.
Repeated rejections can serve as the measuring stick for one's resolve and belief. Some of the most triumphant stories come only after gut-wrenching rejections.

3. Find Mission.
Sometimes the most brutal rejections in life, signal a new beginning and mission for the rejectee.

Finding Freedom

1. Freedom to Ask.
We often deprive ourselves of the freedom to ask for what we want, in fear of rejection and judgement, but amazing things often happen only after we take the first step.

2. Freedom to Accept Yourself.
Our inner need for Approval Seeking forces us to constantly look for acceptance from other people, yet the people from whom we need acceptance the most is ourselves.

Finding Power
Detachment from Results.
By focusing on controllable factors such as our effort and actions, and by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes, such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater success in the long run.


Other Lessons:
- Acceptance and Rejection are based primarily on the other person's situation.
- Care about people's approval, and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back.
- Live with high intention and low attachment.