On Guilt Tripping and Other Shenanigans

Posted by Doku 13 years ago

 

Reflection #5 comes with a slightly greater personal feel to it, as it is one that has reached me at a personal level more often than the prior discussions. It is as much an observation of what I have seen done to others as it is an observation of my own personal experiences at Eka's. However, it includes more than a little of that slightly visceral sense that can only happen when someone has personally angered you somehow.

(To the handful and change who actually have officially been owed RP by me because I made a promise to you at some point, and then messed up and didn't pull it off: Heh, you know I am not talking to you below. I have failed and broken promises in the past. It's why I don't make them as easily anymore. That said, there's people who have guilt-tripped me and many others with far less cause.)

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Yesterday, we spoke of popularity, and in the process very briefly touched on something that is an old sore spot for me. The following discussion may be boiled down into the following vulgar and heated statement.

"No, I don't owe you a fucking RP."

The first hip-shot reaction at this point for many readers, though certainly not all, may be to say something along the lines of "Listen, you arrogant little shit. What do you think you are, god's gift to RP? Your character isn't even all that good..." And I would ask that for those of you who experienced that brief visceral reaction, that you kindly can it, shove it into your pantry and leave it there to rot and fester until the cockroaches won't even touch it. I don't need to hear it, and that is not what this is about, surprisingly enough.

The issue has everything to do with the tactic of whining, guilt-tripping, cajoling or pressuring other people to roleplay with you. This is not about a person who's a little too enthusiastic about the idea and asks one too many times. I have known most people in Eka's who I spoke with more than just for a singular RP who have, at some point, felt outright guilt-tripping to try and push them to RP. I have been told that many have claimed that So and So owes them an RP, for one reason or another. These reasons tend to boil down to "I've been waiting for 3 months, and they didn't say explicitly No, Never." And, when people would say "No, Never," "No, I don't like your character," or many derivations thereof, there may be accusations that they're being rude, mean-spirited or unfair in refusing.

Here's the newsflash, and if you didn't see this coming a mile away, there's not much I can do for you:
Unless someone has made a formal appointment with you for erotic roleplaying, they owe you absolutely nothing.

If they have made a formal agreement for an ongoing interaction, promises that indicate what types of RP they will do with that character, both with you and others, this is one thing. However, even in these cases it is best not to take such promises TOO seriously. 9 times out of 10, however, they don't "Owe" you an RP, and if you have ever actually gone so far as to say "You owe me," you have gone too far.

And, if you go on to browbeat them for refusing to RP with you, you're really going too far, and you're falling into a category of abusive behavior that causes players to leave Eka's constantly. This sort of bullshit is exactly the type of crap that makes people uncomfortable, when they are made to feel bad because they chose someone else, or didn't RP with you today when you really wanted one with them, or when you'd always wanted one with them.

Here's the reality: Roleplaying is a two-way street. That player on the other side of the RP? They are not a picture to jack off to. If you want a picture to jack off to, go to Danbooru or Gelbooru and look up pornography to your heart's content. They are not here for your personal entertainment, and neither are you here for their personal entertainment. They are here to entertain themselves, and you are here to entertain yourself. And, by the rules, you are supposed to be respectful of their choices and personal preferences regarding their moods. If they have a specific interest in mind, and your character just doesn't mesh, or your posting style is just not 'quite' clicking in their mind, for whatever reason, then they're going to need to keep looking and so will you. And neither of you "Owes" the other a damned thing.

I cannot stress this enough. No matter how many times I have sworn people out over this subject, there are always new players who seem convinced that they are 'entitled' to get an RP with someone, and who will go to great lengths to do so, including browbeating, manipulating, lying, insulting and guilt-tripping. Do you know what we call people who manipulate, browbeat, lie to and insult others while guilt-tripping them to get them to do something erotic for them?

Yeah... you don't want me to fill in that answer, do you? The thought of what I might actually say is just a little uncomfortable, isn't it?

Think on that.