User avatar
doomfister
Been posting for a bit
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:08 pm
Blog: View Blog (8)
Archives
- November 2019
The nature of the soul
   Mon Nov 11, 2019 6:18 pm

+ September 2019
+ March 2019
+ January 2019
+ October 2018
+ July 2018
Search Blogs

been debating the universe.

Permanent Linkby doomfister on Sun Oct 14, 2018 11:57 pm

so I have had one of those days, you know the ones, where you lie in bed looking at the ceiling trying to find a reason to get up. well you know in symbolism, its more the fact I cannot sleep and my mind is racing, which has fueled this little post.

I have a major job interview on Thursday, something to give me purpose again. its been 5 months, 5 long months, you go to the job center, the largest hive of misery I have ever experienced and as normal they say they don't have anything for me. it makes you feel worthless, none of this bollocks I am going to slit my wrists kind of depression, if I was going to soft shell out like that I would have killed myself after my accident. no its more of that helplessness, the insignificance of the individual, the folly of man. I am not a talented man, I took ten years to learn to read and my handwriting is equivalent of a heavy metal poisoning patient. my only redeeming trait is I am too stubborn to accept reality, I ran (well hobbled away from it for years), I did a degree, and then I got cast out into the workforce to drown like a drunkard in a ship canal.

to say finding work has been slow is an understatement. it makes you feel worthless, it really does, you spent 4 years getting a stem degree and it seems you literally have to fight in the hunger games to get work. and when it comes to survival of the fittest who will hire the cripple. thankfully instead of drowning in sadness, which I would consider pussing out, I have contingency plans, and this interview is one of them. I refuse to work in retail, if I wanted to get treated like shit for a pittance I would just keep going to the benefits office for my measly jobseekers as a better alternative.

so now I am set to learn a trade, and I don't know how to feel about it. I have a suit, black shoes, I dare say it presentable clothes, which are a far cry from my normal casual trackies I clad myself in. it's almost like a butterfly has emerged from its pupae within me, as I feel excited like I can do something again. but at the same time, I am scared, like maybe I am not good enough, I need to beat 10 people out of 24 to secure a position in the program. I don't think its fear though, I am not afraid, I haven't been afraid of anything in a long time, numb, and I think this is what happens when you feel something again. I think it might be hope, and it feels good....

the reason I mention this is because I come on here near on every day, I log in check if anyone has messaged me, and then continue my day. most of the time when I have a gander at the blog pages it is someone going nuclear, or they are in a tizzy. might just be me looking at the wrong time but it seems like a spiral of misery for the most part. some of you might have seen the title and been like "awe shit Doomfisters going nuclear," but nah I ain't going anywhere. I just wanted to share what's going through my head at the moment, if anything its quite banal, but then again a little levity never hurt anyone.

I guess the message I am trying to convey here is yeah things can get shitty, I know that better then most, but if you give into the darkness, let it be the little bird on your shoulder, that all your ever going to see. to quote the family motto "It can always get worse", I just always find it hard when I see negative ninnies, I like to say the destiny is an excuse because it is. if you want something to happen you have to make it happen. i have done this 3 times in my short 22 year old life.

the first thing I wanted to do when I was a boy was operating the AS-90 field artillery piece, that was all I wanted, to fire a gun that was so powerful that as it impacted the ground it was like a whip cracking and the earth itself would shake with fear. do that 30 years and then I was done, I had done my civic duty and fulfilled my lot in life.

that was not to be, I won't go into it but I had a bad time and my body betrayed me resulting in me being unfit for military service. so instead I got my degree in animal biology, as you don't have to walk straight to go to university. I did that, I got my degree, and then I couldn't find work with it. another kick to the face if you were.

so here I am now, learning a Trade, ironically enough making the AS-90 artillery pieces I wanted to fire as a boy. the reason I say this is the world is scary, full of unknowns, variables I couldn't even imagine as a wee lad a decade ago. but I know one thing and that is never to give up, if I had I would have just curled up and died in that hospital bed at 15, I didn't, though the NHS dam well tried to get that outcome. XD

long story short, life is shitty, get over it, if a cripple can anyone can, it's all about positive thinking.

dam I just had a long ramble, I am going to get back to writing porn, less thinking about greater meaning and things, just folks turning into living russian nesting dolls ;).

2 Comments Viewed 171 times
Comments

Re: been debating the universe.

Permanent Linkby Stanku on Sat Jan 12, 2019 10:25 am

I found this piece of feeling very touching and genuine. Your words have this intrinsic appeal to plainness, they come across straightforward and unforced, something I think is a sign of a great writer. Thank you for keeping on writing!
User avatar
Stanku
Been posting for a bit
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Dec 13, 2015 8:55 am
Blog: View Blog (16)

Re: been debating the universe.

Permanent Linkby doomfister on Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:21 pm

Stanku wrote:I found this piece of feeling very touching and genuine. Your words have this intrinsic appeal to plainness, they come across straightforward and unforced, something I think is a sign of a great writer. Thank you for keeping on writing!


I write as I talk, hence at times the longer sentences and weird similes and metaphors, from my experience it is easier for people to grasp things if they have a mental comparison to make, like the image of a drunken walrus and from that they know exactly what you're on about, as previous stimuli fill in the gaps. hence i am quite articulate, which sounds weird because i have a voice like an orc from LOTR XD.

with my stories, I imagine and then explain, like if I was writing a scientific paper, I also do research, like if you want a good example of this check out the Moray Munchies story I posted, as I use the eels actually feeding method in it and not just some generic swallowing throat. I am glad you are interested in my work mate, as I have been a fan of your stuff for some time, and its humbling to see that someone I look up to for writing is taking enjoyment in my scrawlings.
User avatar
doomfister
Been posting for a bit
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2017 7:08 pm
Blog: View Blog (8)

Who is online

Registered users: 1sxvlo, abcgk, ABrinson27, Aesir, agbny, AlphaShellina, Amazonian, Aurilika, baphomet, battlestoriesfan, Bing [Bot], Celestia, Cenotot, Chrome, coldfire1200, CongruentLuna, Dabestorange, dddddd2, DejiruHerald, DestinyLust, DoubleOSnake, Dragonvorelover135, drunkchipdip, enigmaskullman, FluffyLizardFunTime, FRENKI88, Galmar1313, Google [Bot], Goplex, GoTruckYou, H2N, Hot_Plate, HowlaOfFreddys, ifdre, Ihateurlifetoo, jackblaze, Jackovmash, Jeanniebitches, Kerhs, laser21laser, Lucero, Majestic-12 [Bot], MarkusFreeman320, Maximealian, mewha, MrGrimlock, MrSinister1990, Nathan75, niatheminccinogirl, Oceansire, Omnini, OnlyMyAlt, Pixel, PrimordialMatter, Raal, reaper12, RuinousArchon, scottypilgrim, SkieColst, sonicofan, SpecialJET, Spen1045, SynxTheLynx, TastyGrenade, Tavore, Tempest, thebigcat, TheSplatterhouse, theswaggah, USman, Vaderaz, VoraciousCutie, Xali, Zookmaos, zwolf