Succubi vore story and others
Moderator: Karbo
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Succubi vore story and others
This is my first vore story. You can find it in my gallery.
Please tell me what do you think of it. Any comments, remarks and critics are very welcome
Very big thanks to Ladyprey, Throku and Toric eidolon for their advices and the time they spent in reviewing and editing it !
Please tell me what do you think of it. Any comments, remarks and critics are very welcome
Very big thanks to Ladyprey, Throku and Toric eidolon for their advices and the time they spent in reviewing and editing it !
Last edited by Karbo on Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Karbo - Giantess Specialist
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- Location: France
Very nice story Mr. Karbo. The details were excellent as well as the description of the swallowing. I enjoyed it very much, even though Macro is not my favorite thing! So that is saying a lot.
love your pictures too!
love your pictures too!
I love bellies! Round, Soft, hard, Prey filled, food filled, Inflated, or Pregnancy, so long as it is big and round.
I am a maieusophile are you?
I am a maieusophile are you?
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TW - Belly Loving Author
- Posts: 4009
- Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:00 pm
- Location: Admiring bellies. Wherever they may be.
Hmmm...
I read that a while back. I didn't think to comment on it at the time...silly me, huh? Well, I'll just have to rectify that...
To start off with, you have very good characters. I'm overjoyed to hear Eidolon and a few others are helping you out with your stories, which means any help I might offer is totally superfluous now. I can still comment, though... Oh yeah, characters! The 'main' character, the deceased Emperor of ...what, in his mind, the world? Was just a guy I couldn't feel sorry for...well, not for very long, anyhow.
You've managed to translate that voracious innocence that suffuses your pictures into your stories with incredible skill. At no time did I think of the succubi as cruel or heartless...even when they sort of acted that way, or could be viewed to have done so. Some things really stick out as 'minor' things that add a bit of polish to everything else.
The demon guard, for instance, being terrified and almost getting grabbed. It helps to set the mood and suggests that your girls aren't averse to even eating their own kind... The conversation between the succubus and the 'emperor' was also very well-done. Despite vorish undertones, one really didn't see what was coming until, 'Wham!', he hits the tongue and starts going down...
Your word usage, as well, was wonderful. You have quite a rich vocabulary...and you're able to use it well. The descriptions are pretty high-caliber, as well!
I'm rambling. I'll stop. Just know that you've got my support for any more stories you write!
To start off with, you have very good characters. I'm overjoyed to hear Eidolon and a few others are helping you out with your stories, which means any help I might offer is totally superfluous now. I can still comment, though... Oh yeah, characters! The 'main' character, the deceased Emperor of ...what, in his mind, the world? Was just a guy I couldn't feel sorry for...well, not for very long, anyhow.
You've managed to translate that voracious innocence that suffuses your pictures into your stories with incredible skill. At no time did I think of the succubi as cruel or heartless...even when they sort of acted that way, or could be viewed to have done so. Some things really stick out as 'minor' things that add a bit of polish to everything else.
The demon guard, for instance, being terrified and almost getting grabbed. It helps to set the mood and suggests that your girls aren't averse to even eating their own kind... The conversation between the succubus and the 'emperor' was also very well-done. Despite vorish undertones, one really didn't see what was coming until, 'Wham!', he hits the tongue and starts going down...
Your word usage, as well, was wonderful. You have quite a rich vocabulary...and you're able to use it well. The descriptions are pretty high-caliber, as well!
I'm rambling. I'll stop. Just know that you've got my support for any more stories you write!
"It is better to die for an idea that will live, than to live for an idea that will die." ~ Steve Biko
And Now Whatever Way Our Stories End, I Know You Have Re-Written Mine - By Being My Friend.
-To Paul
And Now Whatever Way Our Stories End, I Know You Have Re-Written Mine - By Being My Friend.
-To Paul
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Kaoru - Intermediate Vorarephile
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- Location: Somewhere in Nevada...or Arizona.
TW : Thank you, this is one big compliment !
Kaoru : I am glad you liked it This "voracious innocence" is something I worked on a a lot. I just love this kind of predators :3
As for the rich descriptions, well lot of them have been powered by Toric eidolon^^
Kaoru : I am glad you liked it This "voracious innocence" is something I worked on a a lot. I just love this kind of predators :3
As for the rich descriptions, well lot of them have been powered by Toric eidolon^^
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Karbo - Giantess Specialist
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- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 11:00 pm
- Location: France
Karbo wrote:TW : Thank you, this is one big compliment !
Kaoru : I am glad you liked it This "voracious innocence" is something I worked on a a lot. I just love this kind of predators :3
As for the rich descriptions, well lot of them have been powered by Toric eidolon^^
I suspected you had done a bit of research and practice to get that right. ...I also suspected that Eidolon had helped you with the descriptions. He is an awesome guy...
Truly and utterly awesome.
"It is better to die for an idea that will live, than to live for an idea that will die." ~ Steve Biko
And Now Whatever Way Our Stories End, I Know You Have Re-Written Mine - By Being My Friend.
-To Paul
And Now Whatever Way Our Stories End, I Know You Have Re-Written Mine - By Being My Friend.
-To Paul
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Kaoru - Intermediate Vorarephile
- Posts: 531
- Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2005 11:00 pm
- Location: Somewhere in Nevada...or Arizona.
Great story!
You should do one about the Naga series too. You're as good at writing as you are at drawing...
You should do one about the Naga series too. You're as good at writing as you are at drawing...
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GenocideHeart - New to the forum
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I begin to have ideas about another story project.
This time this would be about Crisis ( the naga ) being captured and used as a pet by some mafia boss to dispose of his ennemies.. A bit like in the classic James Bond where the bad guy push a button and the victim fall into a pool of piranhas ^^
Of course the situation would quickly get out of control
At this point it is still very vague but the general ideas woud be : Feeding, reversal of situation and a "listen your buddies are being digested" scene. ^^
This time this would be about Crisis ( the naga ) being captured and used as a pet by some mafia boss to dispose of his ennemies.. A bit like in the classic James Bond where the bad guy push a button and the victim fall into a pool of piranhas ^^
Of course the situation would quickly get out of control
At this point it is still very vague but the general ideas woud be : Feeding, reversal of situation and a "listen your buddies are being digested" scene. ^^
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Karbo - Giantess Specialist
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yami92286 wrote:Go for it! I can help you if you want ^-^ I am a good critic =P
that he is.
I look forward to seeing your upcoming story!!
I love bellies! Round, Soft, hard, Prey filled, food filled, Inflated, or Pregnancy, so long as it is big and round.
I am a maieusophile are you?
I am a maieusophile are you?
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TW - Belly Loving Author
- Posts: 4009
- Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 11:00 pm
- Location: Admiring bellies. Wherever they may be.
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oldman40k2003 - Vorefinder
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yami92286: Thank you for the offer
Well the story won't come any time soon but it will eventually ^^ The main obstacle is stil the language as always.
By the way if you have ideas or suggestions about some scene that you would see fit, I'll gladly hear it
Well the story won't come any time soon but it will eventually ^^ The main obstacle is stil the language as always.
By the way if you have ideas or suggestions about some scene that you would see fit, I'll gladly hear it
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Karbo - Giantess Specialist
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- Location: France
Re:
Ah, sometimes, when you are faszinated, or mesmerized (look at naga technique ^^) like a bee in front of a beautiful flower, or a little man in front of a Naga.. than you maybe miss some other things, like a storie.
It is a pretty nice story and I could understand how much time it must be to write this in english, when it isn't your motherlanguage. These days I thought about translateing some of my stories into english, but now I think I had to be better in english classes during my school time. ^^
So I think - especially you are more in drawing than in writing - it is a very good written story. Not only absolute focused on the vorish moment, also the way to it is for me a point, what makes a story nice.
When I look on the date of the last post here, it is some time gone, but I still hope you will find some motivation and/or time, to write another piece.
And what's about your last sentence, it is still on topic?
Often I could see some scene in my mind, but can't use it or haven't the time, but if someone talented could be inspired, it would be good thing.
It is a pretty nice story and I could understand how much time it must be to write this in english, when it isn't your motherlanguage. These days I thought about translateing some of my stories into english, but now I think I had to be better in english classes during my school time. ^^
So I think - especially you are more in drawing than in writing - it is a very good written story. Not only absolute focused on the vorish moment, also the way to it is for me a point, what makes a story nice.
When I look on the date of the last post here, it is some time gone, but I still hope you will find some motivation and/or time, to write another piece.
And what's about your last sentence, it is still on topic?
Often I could see some scene in my mind, but can't use it or haven't the time, but if someone talented could be inspired, it would be good thing.
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Veridicus - New to the forum
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Thank you for your kind appreciation. I am glad you enjoyed it ! ^_^
Well I must say this is very unlikely I write another story any time soon.. I simply don't see where I could find the time to do so.. and I have a "to do" list of several months long already
But I am always open to any suggestions. Even if I don't use it in a story in the end, a scene idea can be a great inspiration for pictures as well
Well I must say this is very unlikely I write another story any time soon.. I simply don't see where I could find the time to do so.. and I have a "to do" list of several months long already
But I am always open to any suggestions. Even if I don't use it in a story in the end, a scene idea can be a great inspiration for pictures as well
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Karbo - Giantess Specialist
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- Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2005 11:00 pm
- Location: France
23 posts
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