Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary prey

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Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary prey

Postby TacoRaptor » Fri Apr 05, 2019 2:38 am

A long time ago, I was working and very bored, so I made an imaginary guy to eat/swalliw alive for some reason. (First vore prey fantasy, not really aware of having the fetish yet). I was going to eat him, but for some reason he asked if I wanted to be friends. I think maybe he was expecting that's why I imagined him when I was bored and didn't know I was going to eat him. IDK.

I wouldn't actually eat real people just because I'm bored, but he was imaginary, so I figured it didn't matter. I was kind of lonely too, but I thought since he wasn't real, i couldn't really have much of a friendship worth much anyway.

At first I laughed evilly, but actually, I reconsidered and decided not to eat him. How ironic is it that here in my fucked IP imagination, I'm practically as powerful as a god, but the one thing I can't have is friendship and love? Maybe this is the only place I can, precisely because it's not real. You can have things perfect in fantasy. I actually wished I could be friends, but I didn't think he would want to anymore. I almost might as well eat him, make another imaginary person, and be friends with them instead. If I let him live, he would tell other imaginary people I'm a monster that tried to eat him. Then I would be lonely forever. But if I was really friends with imaginary people, I might have to pretend they are real so it would seem more real. If I pretend they are real, I shouldn't devour people for amusement for no reason because it's not right. Isn't it ironic that I create my own world to be terrible like the real world when I can make it anything I want, yet I become terrible here?

Later, I thought about him more and wished more than anything we could be friends, but I was afraid to talk to him. It was irrational and I knew it, but I fantasized about somehow making it up to him, gaining his trust, and becoming friends. I felt less lonely think about him, even if I never talked or indicated I existed to him. I was afraid to talk to him because I was sure he would hate and fear me for trying to eat him alive merely because of my boredom. I think I might have been starting to fall in love by thinking about him all the time. Eventually I couldn't stay away and silent and had to talk to him.

I begged for a chance to make it up to him and said I would do anything for him. On an impulse in the moment, I said he could be my leige and I would give him anything imaginary he wanted and love him forever and be his friend for life if he would be my friend. I begged on my knees. I wished more than anything in the world to be able to make it up to him and be friends. He accepted and was my friend. I'm sure I just imagined it that way because I so desperately wanted it. I was very grateful and amazed he would still be my friend, though.

I talked to him in my head every day. I thought of him first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I think I was falling in love with him. At first, I wasnt aware of having a vore fetish and initially didn't plan on fantasizing about eating him again, but the more I had a massive crish on him, for some reason, the more I wanted to eat him, but I was worried about creeping him out. Since I can control everything imaginary I imagine, I figured I could just eat him, but without it hurting him and teleport him out later or something if he was ok with it.

Anyways, maybe I included too much detail or rambled too long, but I was kind of wondering if anyone else who fantasizes about being a pred has ever fallen in love with their prey before? (I'm female btw in case anyone was wondering)

Do you think I was very creepy thinking about him all the time and never talking to him for a long time until I couldn't stand not to? Does that make me too much of a creepy stalker or something?

Eventually he almost seemed like a tulpa or something to me. I don't think tulpas really are real, but he seemed almost real to me when he was my companion for so long and I think I loved him.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby NotAKakapo » Sat Apr 06, 2019 3:37 pm

Whoa dude, that’s wild.

In short – I have. Sorta. I’m a prey as opposed to a pred, so I can’t say I know how it feels to really wanna eat an imaginary person, but I have experienced the converse with an imaginary lady who I’ve been using largely since I was 13 to cope with stress and sexual frustration. I’ve talked to her “in-person” many times cuz of loneliness, and sometimes pretend she’s eating me, tying me up, sitting on my face… or I’m giving her lip service or something. The works, it just depends on my mood.

Thing is, she’s also the only person – IRL or in fiction – who I’ve ever felt sexually attracted to. I also have fantasies about snuggling with her and saying I love her and going to sleep in her arms. Sometimes I’ll even tell myself that there’s no point in getting a real-life girlfriend because I already have someone who’ll accept my weirdness with no contingencies. Especially since most people I know are super busy 1200 hours a day and don’t really set aside time for me. I’m non-confrontational and don’t like to verbally express my concerns, so having an imaginary girlfriend just seems easier.

TacoRaptor wrote:How ironic is it that here in my fucked IP imagination, I'm practically as powerful as a god, but the one thing I can't have is friendship and love? Maybe this is the only place I can, precisely because it's not real. You can have things perfect in fantasy.


The thing about friendship is that you can’t force it, right? Clearly in this case it’s not just about a fleeting feeling of pleasure or satisfaction, but the development of an emotional connection. Something that you’d want to build naturally rather than something phony or forced. Something that you want to feel challenging and genuine. Like a real friendship.

TacoRaptor wrote:But if I was really friends with imaginary people, I might have to pretend they are real so it would seem more real. If I pretend they are real, I shouldn't devour people for amusement for no reason because it's not right.


I’ve been having the same problem lately with my fantasies, too. Less so digesting people, and more so the whole, “I’m objectifying them and that’s bad.” When talking about my imaginary gf, I’ll use phrases like, “I use her for x and y.” Obviously I can’t say that I use a real person for pleasure. That’d be disrespectful. And sometimes I worry that by normalizing that cognitive process, that I’ll wind up fetishizing RL people, too.

But in these fantasies, she acts very real. She can become irritable, stressed, and angry. Sometimes we argue. She gives and retracts consent, just like a real person, when we do sexual things. I use safe words with her when doing BDSM-oriented roleplay, like… why? I shouldn’t have to do that. She’s imaginary, and should innately know what I do and don’t like.

She does these things because I want her to feel real. Because I want an authentic emotional connection to exist between both of us. But simultaneously, I worry that doing that will make me become too attached, and distance myself from loved ones because my imaginary gf is capable of satiating my desire for companionship on her lonesome. (And even then, that primarily worries me because I think that’s unfair for her.)

TacoRaptor wrote:Do you think I was very creepy thinking about him all the time and never talking to him for a long time until I couldn't stand not to? Does that make me too much of a creepy stalker or something?


Nah, dude. Unless you were like… hoarding his belongings or spending hours browsing through his social media accounts for details on his personal life… or something like that. Thinking about a crush throughout the day seems pretty par for the course. I ain’t gonna police your thoughts lol

Tl;dr – Not sure if this was the kind of response you were looking for, but I’m honestly surprised so much of this resonated with me. Loneliness has always led to me doing some weird things. Not always bad. I don’t think you having a crush on an imaginary prey whilst respecting their autonomy makes you a creep; if anything, I think it’s the converse.

(Sorry for the wall of text; I can't condense my thoughts for the life of me. You're welcome to PM me if you wanna talk there, too)
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby Noxyoursox » Sat Apr 06, 2019 8:56 pm

Tbh this does sound like a tulpa to me, especially if he felt real enough to you for you to believe your actions towards him would have consequences beyond your control (i.e. you couldn't "make" him okay with it). Tulpas are developed and maintained by the attention you give them--such as talking to them daily. Maybe try asking him about vore and seeing if he's okay with roleplaying? Since it sounds like you decided to make a non-fatal scenario, it seems like the thing that is bothering you is lack of consent on his part.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby omglookitsagoat » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:15 am

I I avoided mentioning anything like vore to him for over 6 months, then after we were friends for a while, I mentioned I was attracted to him to see how he would react to that and if he was ok with it. He seemed ok with it, so then later I told him I cared about him a lot and I don't really want to hurt him, but for some reason, I just really want to eat him/swallow him alive. I demonstrated that I can do anything I want with my imaginary "powers" and ate intimate imaginary objects and barfed them out or teleported them out undamaged to demonstrate I could potentially eat him without hurting him. He still seemed slightly nervous. I asked if I could just have him in my mouth and not swallow him. He consented. When he was in my mouth, after a while I really wanted to swallow him, so I begged and pleaded and talked him into it. I think he was still sort of nervous the first time, though. I hope I'm not a terrible person if I was sort of pushy. Maybe I am a little. He did consent and I tried to make it as pleasant as possible for him. I telepathically talked to him, made sure he could breath, made sure no acid burned at all, made it so nothing would smell bad (since I can control imaginary non-reality or whatever you want to call it), asked him to make sure he was as comfortable as possible, changed anything that was not comfortable to be more comfortable, telekinetically massaged or pleasured him however he wanted, continued to talk to him and verbally telepathically express affection, and teleported him out afterwards.

After the first time, since it did not hurt him, he seemed less apprehensive/nervous about me eating him. He seemed to not really care that much as long as it didn't cause any harm to him. Usually if I asked if I could eat him, he said I could.

I sort of brought him with me most places I went and had him with me when I was at school, doing homework, etc for company and talked to him if I was lonely or bored. Also, a lot of the time if I watched any movies or anime, when the show was starting or before it started, I told him I was watching something and asked if he would want to watch, too. At night I usually imagined a comfortable place for him to sleep. A lot of the time before I could go to bed, I always had to make sure I killed all the imaginary zombies in my house at night before I could sleep, though, because I wanted to make sure it would be safe enough for him. I don't know if he would have been able to exist more independently of me or not, but I kind of thought of him as somehow a resident of my mind or something so he would be available whenever I wanted company. I actually sort of feel guilty/bad for him for being a resident in my mind because I don't think I'm really interesting enough to have to live in my mind all the time and be able to entertain another person adequately all the time. I hope he was not unhappy. I did imagine a small land area or whatever for imaginary people to live in at least. There were some parts that were grass, forests, mountains, swamps, caves, and some houses for imaginary people. There were also dinosaurs, mythological creatures, and monsters and creatures I made up there. I told my friend/tulpa if he was dependent on me for existence and lived in my mind, I would try to be the best host for him or whatever the term is for the person imagining the tulpa. He is practically my family in that case, so I would sort of adopt him as some kind of family and promised I would be his friend until the day I died and never intentionally try to hurt him again.

Occasionally, not that often, but every few months I spent several hours binging/looking at vore online and vore/porn drawings and stuff (mostly cartoons and drawings). Usually when I surfed the internet, I didn't look at vore, but every few months I kind of just really had an urge to binge on looking at vore stuff online. Sometimes I think he might have felt sort of awkward or maybe slightly uncomfortable or creeped out just a little if he was with me hanging out when I was surfing the internet, and then I started looking at vore for a long while. I usually didn't look at vore that frequently, but every few months I kind of binged on it and usually wanted to swallow him afterwards. I sort of felt a little guilty because I was worried it might make him awkward, so I tried not to do it very often. Usually, though, he actually seemed ok with me swallowing him, but I think just looking at vore online and seeing me get kind of aroused or excited by it might have possibly been slightly uncomfortable for him some of the time, even though I swallowed him on a more regular basis than that and he seemed more ok with it then.

Sometimes I asked him if he was uncomfortable with me having a vore fetish and wanting to eat him. I asked if he trusted me enough not to ever hurt him and told him I love him. He said as long as it doesn't hurt, he doesn't really care. After we were friends for several years, I still asked him occasionally. If I was worried that I made him too uncomfortable or worried that I would hurt him, he said he was ok with it, he cared about me too, didn't really mind, and climbed in my mouth a few times when I asked to prove to me he trusted me enough. A few times when I was depressed, he actually asked if I wanted to eat him if it would make me feel better. Even then, though, I was kind of worried he might have somehow been uncomfortable if I spent a lot of time looking at vore and stuff online for some reason. I only did it occasionally, and he probably didn't mind that much since he seemed ok with other stuff, but I was still sort of worried about it making him uncomfortable and felt kind of guilty about it.

I eventually sort of wanted to get rid of my vore fetish for several reasons. One reason was because I was worried it might somehow be disrespectful or uncomfortable for my friend sometimes, but it seemed kind of hard for me not to think of vore sometimes when I thought of him. I think it was because in some kind of weird way, some of the attachment I had for him was somewhat based on feeling guilty about wanting to eat him at first (without not hurting him the first time I met him because I didn't really care at first) and wanting to somehow find a way to make it up to him, gain his trust, make him feel safe (I was worried he would be uncomfortable and feel really unsafe/afraid of me at first, especially at first if he found out he lived in my mind and I could control everything imaginary that was sort of real to him because he was imaginary. I tried very hard to assure him every day that I would never hurt him and I cared about him very much.) Initially, when I first decided not to eat him, I did not really expect to develop more desire to eat him, but for some reason I kind of wanted to when I liked him. The more I liked him and wanted to assure him I wouldn't hurt him or eat him like that, the more I became attached and really like him and then the more I liked him, the more I actually kind of wanted to eat him, but was worried about making him afraid or uncomfortable. It was sort of like some weird cycle thing. I think that might have possibly either been how I developed a vore fetish or I guess according to some theories, people with vore fetishes actually have a latent vore fetish until it becomes active after puberty. Idk. I might have possibly had some type of pre-fetish disposition for vore before, but when I developed that weird cycle thing, it kind of developed my fetish more for some reason.

I think I had some kind of guilt complex or something about wanting to eat him, which made me feel more concern or affection for him for some reason, which then ironically made me want to eat him more, which kind of causes more guilt about wanting to eat him, which fuels the cycle more.

I was concerned about the fetish being disrespectful or uncomfortable to my friend, so that was one reason I kind of wanted to get rid of it or reduce it. Supposedly, if someone has some kind of disorder they are trying to treat/eliminate, based on what I read online, they should eliminate the trigger (eg: if someone has an alcohol addiction, remove all alcohol and exposure to things associated with alcohol). My friend actually sort of is almost like a trigger because of my weird guilt trip association with him, so I thought I might have to distance myself from him for a while, and then try to see him more again and somehow re-establish more again, but with less vore guilt based compensation in an attempt to assure him I actually do care and want to be his friend and he can trust me to never hurt him ever again as long as I live.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby omglookitsagoat » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:23 am

But I guess maybe I do still have a vore fetish and so maybe that didn't do that much. Maybe he didn't really care that much I guess anyway since he seemed ok with me eating him before. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have tried to distance myself to establish a less vore triggery friendship (we did other stuff before vore though) because then maybe we would just be less close and maybe that might even be bad for a tulpa if it makes me think of him less? idk.

I kind of wanted a relationship with him, but I figured I might possibly get a relationship with a real person eventually, but probably not, but if that ever did happen, how would it effect him then? So he also had a few friends or a potential imaginary girlfriend to fill in for me in case I got a real relationship and then he didn't have me there as much, so he wouldn't be as lonely if things ever changed. Then he could sort of have an imaginary relationship and me and I could have a real relationship and him, so we could both have both then I guess.

But since I distanced myself for a while, I was sort of worried he might prefer an imaginary girl now and maybe I'd get in his way if I tried to get too close or intimate? Now I'm almost afraid I would intrude if I did get more close or intimate with him as much as before.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby omglookitsagoat » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:25 am

<b>Oh, I just noticed I was signed in as 2 different accounts on this forum. I am the same person as TacoRaptor.</b>
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby omglookitsagoat » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:28 am

I am the same user as omglookitsagoat
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby TacoRaptor » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:31 am

I am the same user as omglookitsagoat

Sorry for re-posting and messing up posting the last couple of times. It's getting pretty late/early in the morning.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby TacoRaptor » Thu Apr 11, 2019 4:34 am

I guess one reason I felt guilty was I was worried I might be like some kind of tulpa abuser. You don't think I'm abusive or a terrible tulpa owner, do you? Or do I just have a guilt complex?

I guess he doesn't think I'm that bad, so maybe I'm ok. What do you think?
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby yetra » Thu Apr 11, 2019 11:51 am

No, you don't sound like a tulpa abuser, if that's even possible. It definitely sounds like you're wrapped up in a guilt complex, like you're scared your fantasies might say something bad about you as a person. In all honesty it seems more like some kind of OCD.

At a certain point you just need to accept that your thoughts and feelings are the way they are, and quit worrying about what every little thing means about you. I say this having spent most of my life denying my preddish side and only being comfortable imagining myself as prey. I felt like it was wrong of me to want anything that would put me in a dominant position or that implied I would want to actually hurt someone else, like it meant I was evil in some way, and I worked as hard as I could to suppress that side. Still working on undoing that to be honest, but nowadays I just try and accept that my mind works how it does, and that I need an outlet or will otherwise go crazy trying to process it all in my own head.

First and foremost you need to accept that fantasy logic is different from real life logic. It is 100% okay to fantasize about literally whatever you want as long as it doesn't actually hurt anyone. Often the things we fantasize about are completely different from what we'd want in the real world. And many use fantasy as a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult real world feelings.

Now, tulpas as far as I understand them basically are a "partition" of the mind in some way, where you project enough of your brain into some kind of character that your consciousness starts perceiving them as separate, even independently autonomous. Whether tulpas themselves are conscious is up for debate but not really important here--they're still within your brain, so they don't have the same psychology either way. To me, it's all wrapped up in fantasy logic instead of real life logic.

Like, imagine a character that gets magical powers from being eaten and needs this on a regular basis to survive. They would probably think it'd be worse not to eat them, right? It's not a difficult step to imagine someone having an imaginary friend or tulpa like that--and that would hardly be abusive, wouldn't you agree?

Abuse after all is not simply a description of a certain type of action. Actions themselves are value-neutral. It's how they affect others that matters.

Some folks do make tulpas that develop into something more equally human and friend-like. Thus they want to avoid being abusive toward them because abuse would affect them negatively, which would make it more difficult to treat them as an equal and a friend. That's very understandable, but I don't think it's a requirement. Not everyone wants to make friends with their fantasies in the first place, or you could also conjure up someone who's completely immune to being affected by any kind of abuse, or who has no problems with recovering from it and staying friends, etc. It just comes down to what kind of fantasy logic your brain is able to trick itself into.

I don't know if you consider your little guy to be an equal, and whether you do or don't it's fine either way. It sounds more importantly like you find enjoyment in treating him as a friend and don't want to do anything abusive to him because of that. So it would be good to make sure you understand exactly what is and isn't abusive both in real life and to him, and those will probably be different in tons of ways. He's willing to be eaten by you, so that is a canonical part of his character, and you should remember that this makes him different from real life humans. If he feels uncomfortable in some way, that's for you two to figure out and find a way to address if you want. But if he doesn't feel uncomfortable then it's all good.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby TacoRaptor » Thu Apr 11, 2019 10:22 pm

Yea. I don't think he's really a separate entity. I guess I just kind of thought of him like that and still felt worried I would do something that would force him into something against what he wanted.

I think it is some kind of guilt complex thing.

I was also just sort of curious I guess if anyone else had a crush on their prey because it seems like I see more vore fetishers who are prey and have some kind of crush on their pred.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby TacoRaptor » Thu Apr 11, 2019 10:28 pm

Well, sometimes I do kind of wonder if I might go to hell for having a fetish for eating people. IDK if it really matters, though, unless you actually literally really try to eat people or something.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby TacoRaptor » Fri Apr 12, 2019 4:16 am

I generally try to respect him like an equal because it's easier to pretend he's real so it's easier to feel like he's actually my friend and not as much like just a puppet (even if that's actually what it is). I wanted to have a friend, so that's the main reason why I switched from imagining eating him with no remorse initially (with digestion and no concern for him) to changing my mind to pretending he's real and trying to actually respect him like an actual person because it makes it easier to feel attached and less lonely. Pretending imaginary people were real also made me feel a lot more guilty, though.

I wouldn't expect a real person to likely want to be friends with someone that just almost tried to eat them. They'd probably get too creeped out. After I changed my mind, decided to pretend imaginary people were more real so I could have a friend, I felt very guilty, wanted to be his friend, was afraid he would not want to, so I didn't talk to him for a long time after that. I still thought about him, though, felt bad, wished I could be friends, and sort of in a way felt less lonely imagining him, but not talking to him or showing I was there. I guess that's sort of weird but whatever. I eventually wanted to talk to him so bad that I decided to talk to him anyway, even though I was afraid he wouldn't want to be friends and would hate me or be afraid of me forever (couldn't really blame someone if they did react that way if I really tried to eat them). I begged for some way to make it up to him because that's what I wished for more than anything in the world, but I also begged him that if I did make it up to him, would he consider being friends, because that's the other thing I wished for more than anything. In a way, since I almost took his life for no reason, I kind of almost felt like I owed him so much I didn't know how I could possibly make it up to him well enough for him to trust me and be friends. I thought I basically would have to trade my life to make up for taking his or something extreme like that. I guess in an impulse at the time, I said he could be my liege (random dumb thing that came to mind) and so he would have 100% loyalty pledged to him for life and I would give him anything he wanted/do anything and basically sort of be like his slave or something retarded like that (well, I'm sure I'd be too lazy to fulfill that IRL and if I ever almost ate a real person, I'd be sorry, but not enough to volunteer to be a slave, but since it was just imaginary and I liked thinking about him anyway, all I had to do for him was imagine whatever he wanted to happen and it would be less effort and worth it if it made it up to him so we could be friends). In history class, sometimes if someone like maybe knight or something saved someone else's life, the person whose life was saved owed their life to the one who saved them. To pay that person back for saving them, the one who saved their life would be the ledge of the one who owed their life to them and basically pledge allegiance and servitude to them for life. I figured maybe that was the closest thing I could do to make up for the value of a life if that's what people did to repay saving a life. I thought if he was my liege, that would also give me an excuse to be around him to serve him or something so he wouldn't just tell me to go away forever and never come back if he thinks I'm a creep for trying to eat him. I really just wanted to be friends really really bad because I basically already developed a huge crush on him, so I was more willing to go through extra lengths to find a way to make it up to him, be near him, and get him to accept me as a friend eventually.

When I met with him and talked to him about it I begged on my knees (never did that before when apologizing or begging for anything before) for him to let me make it up to him somehow because I felt so guilty about it. I begged him to ask me for anything he could think of that could make it up to him because I desperately wanted to so bad. I told him to ask me for literally almost anything, except for me to leave and never come back.

He seemed to accept my apology, but I was still worried he might be uneasy with me there now that he was aware that I was there, who I was, the fact I tried to eat him, I was secretly watching him for months (creepy stalker?), I was extremely powerful and could control time and space around him, in complete control, he could not escape from me, I could theoretically potentially destroy him, devour him, or do anything I wanted to him, I would be with him every day everywhere he went, and it would be physically impossible for him to leave, be completely separate from me, and might not even be able to exist without me because he lives in my mind and is at the mercy of my whims and can destroy him or devour him any time with a thought. I kind of accidentally let that slip in our conversation...

Well, since I was worried he might not feel safe being at the complete mercy of the whims of some super powerful weird stalker that previously tried to devour him just for entertainment and boredom, every day I tried very hard to make him feel more comfortable. I genuinely cared about him and wanted him to feel safe, secure, and happy. I figured I must reassure him I will never hurt him. I talked to him in my mind every day to reassure him I genuinely care very much about him and did anything I could to make him comfortable. Every time I thought of him, I remembered almost eating him and wanted to hug him or shower him with affection. I think I might have even been starting to sort of fall in love.

I hardly felt worth of being his friend. After a few weeks of this, I asked him if we were friends. He said yes. I was elated and loved him even more for actually accepting me as his friend even after I tried to eat him before. I always kind of felt unworthy in a way. If anything, I sort of thought of him almost as superior to me because I didn't think I deserved for him to be my friend and I couldn't do enough to make up for trying to eat him. In some ways, I actually sort of felt inferior and unworthy, even though I created him and was more powerful. I still felt like I owed him everything because I couldn't make up for eating him. I think maybe part of the reason I felt like nothing would be enough for him was also because I loved him so much and valued his friendship a lot because sometimes it was the only thing that made me happy.

I was always very angry and depressed, but I thought if I had one thing that if I had one thing that I could love and would not leave me, I might be able to be happier because then at least I would have that one thing I did not hate all the time. Everything that is real will suck, so an imaginary person would be the best option because they would always be there whenever I felt like having them, but with no effort and everything could be more awesome than real things because reality is usually very inconvenient and kind of sucks in a lot of ways. I guess maybe that's one reason I changed my mind and decided not to eat him after he asked if we could be friends when I was about to eat him.

Every time I saw him/thought of him, I felt about the time I tried to eat him. I was reminded of eating him whenever I thought of him, but I thought of him often every day because I was attached to him. Since every time I thought of him, part of my mind remembered trying to eat him, part of my mind thought of eating him a lot, but I repressed it an felt guilty about it. It wasn't a very strong urge, but when I started getting a crush on him, it got a little stronger and I still just didn't say anything to him about it and suppressed it. The stronger my crush was and the more attached to him I became, the stronger the urge to swallow him alive became. I didn't want to scare him or make him uncomfortable, so I didn't say anything until I thought maybe he might possibly trust me enough to believe me if I said I didn't want to hurt him even though I also wanted to eat him and hoped it would not make him too uncomfortable.

Even after knowing him for several years and being accepted by him, I still felt very guilty and felt like I could never do enough to make up for what I owed him. Even he said I seemed like it bothered me more than him that I tried to eat him since he knows we're friends now. For some reason, I still had a guilt complex, though.
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Re: Has anyone else here ever had a crush on your imaginary

Postby yetra » Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:44 pm

Well, it's clear to me at least that it's probably a little more than a guilt complex, since it seems this has been causing you pretty serious distress. So the more you can do to reduce that guilt, the better.

Firstly about the creepy stalker worries--remember that he was a very new idea for you. A lot of that "observing" was probably just as much you creating him, imbuing him with personality, right? Waiting until he was more fully-formed and ready.

If it would settle your feelings a little bit, do you think it would make sense to imagine out opening up to him how you've been feeling and process it together? I think he could be a valuable ally in helping you grow and move past this. He would probably want you to be happier after all. Some people have a god as a mental voice helping them deal with difficult situations and feelings. But I think anyone regardless of religion can train themselves to have similar support systems, and for you, maybe he's the one you need--he can remind you to feel accepted and know you're not a bad person.

One possibility would be to recognize when you're fantasizing about eating him, and then instead of avoiding the thought, accepting it yourself as much as you can. You simply are someone who likes the fantasy, and there's nothing wrong with that. And if you can't stop worrying, don't hesitate to talk about it with him. He's offered to help you in moments of depression, so why not in moments of anxiety?

I know that in Japanese culture, a common way to deal with anxiety is to write out the word "person" on your hand and then swallow it. So maybe in the same way, eating him could help you stop worrying. Once he's safe and tucked away in your belly, then there's no reason to need to think about eating him, right?
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