Should I feel bad for Fem preds? Because I do...

[MustLoveCats]

As a male prey/sub with switch tendencies, I have to say that I've been pushed into being pred for people more than I would like. Which has given me insight into what it might be like to be a female pred in general. It makes it so hard to find one that actually feels up to building some kind of rapport over time. It makes it so that many get overlooked who might actually make good friends, because they're just so used to being 'used' rather than respected and treated as if they're more than just a gut to jump into.

I'm not saying they don't like the attention, but there is such a thing as too much attention. I've been there, I've played female pred characters. I've even performed an experiment where I said nothing about my IRL gender. What's scary is I can make it very believable that I'm a girl... not sure what that says about me as a person...

I got swamped so quickly it was ridiculous. I got drained and tired (despite wantint to actually make people feel better). Don't even get me started on the literacy issue. As someone who drastically needs at least four sentences I found many approaching me saying "I can do that sometimes if I have enough to respond to or can think of what to say." They'll give a few examples, and then about a third of the way in they're reduced to one sentence posts and I just want to die inside.

So, to all the fem pred/dom/switches out there... I have empathy and feel bad for how much you have to deal with. It starts to feel empty and hollow after awhile. Though hey, if you feel in any way offended by my... is it pity? I think it's pity? Whatever it is, I have it. If you're offended, don't be. You're a great person and more power to you for having that much energy!

[gullvy]

Sympathy, not pity... well, hopefully.

I play exclusively pred - I've tried playing prey and did not enjoy it - and I play both male, female and herm characters. Interestingly, I've found that my male predators are in just as high demand as the female predators. There are fewer people who want to be prey to males, but on the flip side, there are also fewer people who play male preds, so it evens out.

Here on eka's I've in general had pretty good experiences, actually. I am generally quite flexible, and as long as my partner at least knows how to use adjectives and proper punctuation, I don't care much about it. Grammar doesn't need to be perfect and I can tolerate typos unless they're everywhere. Some player can make engaging RPs with two-line replies, and in general, those are the same who can write engaging RPs in general.

But I've had one RP that really just wasn't fun. It was with a guy (I assume) who constantly wanted to delay the digestion part of the RP, and posted OOC notes all the time requesting me to describe stuff like saliva, and the tonsils of my character, in detail - things that were his fetishes, and not mine. As long as it's not one of my squicks I have nothing against catering to my partner's fetishes, but he was incessant and basically wrote as many OOC notes as IC replies. In the meantime, he did not do any description at all, so it was basically me writing a porn story for him, not an RP in any way. His character did not even take any actions, except for non-descript 'struggling'. To date, that's the only person I've permanently muted on the chat.

In general I've had mostly good experiences, though. Most people seem pretty friendly. If I'm too busy, I will simply just tell people approaching me that I do not have time right now, and they always respect that.

[Nekiame]

It's an understandable thing. Fem preds are sort of the most populare type of pred, so yeah. I myself an a male prey that grew into a switch at a later time, and while I did get some RP done as prey, after I became a switch, there was more people showing interest and even when im looking for an RP where I can be prey, I tend to become the pred just to get some kind of Rp done. While I dont mind being pred, it makes it harder to be prey since I cant find preds who want to RP, either cause they aint interested in the character I got, or cause they got swamped with RP request.
I can only imagine it being worse for female preds. They make a post that they are looking for RP and they prolly get way more requests than they wanted, and potentionally some which are creepy/to specific in scenarios.

[EnderDracolich]

So, to all the fem pred/dom/switches out there... I have empathy and feel bad for how much you have to deal with. It starts to feel empty and hollow after awhile.

Yeah, I'm a female switch, and I play a female switch; I'm seriously considering dropping the pred game entirely, it's too draining sometimes...

[yetra]

This is pretty common in a lot of kinky communities, and honestly, dating in general. I don't think everyone needs to spend their time feeling bad about it, but having some awareness helps.

I do think the sympathy should go both ways though. I definitely feel for guys who struggle finding folks to help satisfy their needs. A lot of them struggle with social awkwardness as well, and that's not necessarily their fault. But when that crosses into actually disrespectful or harmful behavior, that's when there's an issue of course.

Really it seems to be a bigger cultural trope of women always being seen as the gatekeepers of sex (though not outright in this case). That may be inevitable to some extent but it still sucks all-around.

[MustLoveCats]

Sympathy, not pity... well, hopefully.
I play exclusively pred - I've tried playing prey and did not enjoy it - and I play both male, female and herm characters. Interestingly, I've found that my male predators are in just as high demand as the female predators. There are fewer people who want to be prey to males, but on the flip side, there are also fewer people who play male preds, so it evens out..........

Well that sounds... rather annoying honestly. I guess I can be OOC quite a few times as well, but I try to condense it into the beginning or other stuff. Though my RPs generally aren't planned out because its more fun that way. I'd use Eka's chat but I was on there once and it's not my scene. At least there's tons of other ways to RP. At any rate, I never thought about how it evens out like that. Makes sense honestly.

It's an understandable thing. Fem preds are sort of the most populare type of pred, so yeah....

Yeeeeaaaahhhh... I got that too a couple times. The creepy weirds stuff is something I straight up NOPE out of. It gets a little more strange and terrifying when they try to convince you its not all bad even though you flat out said no several times. That happens too xD.

Yeah, I'm a female switch, and I play a female switch; I'm seriously considering dropping the pred game entirely, it's too draining sometimes...

Don't admit to that! Now they know! Ah ha. You have my sympathy (Thank you gullvy). My advice would be that if you want to be switch or enjoy it at all, pick the prey players you have a friendship with or an attachment to and stick to them and tell everyone else to stuff it. My issue (despite playing female sometimes and getting drowned in requests) is that i'm a big old softy who doesn't like doing hard kinks generally... so hey there's that.

This is pretty common in a lot of kinky communities, and honestly, dating in general. I don't think everyone needs to spend their time feeling bad about it, but having some awareness helps...

I'm less socially awkward than I was. I can actually approach someone with a nice thought out introduction, say hi, give more than just a, "hey, wanna rp?" Unfortunately it often doesn't go further than that. I've had several chances to speak to female preds, ones who were of my type of RP preference. Which revolves around getting to know each other a bit and then RPing. Though what seems to happen is that no matter how I try to be respectful and not push an RP, while I do state I want one... I often end up side-lined. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, because I've been complimented on my skill, and on my respectful and friendly demeanor. Yet it doesn't seem to do me much good for a loyal and long term partner xD.

Guess I just haven't found the right people. That being said even if you're socially awkward you should have respect and understanding. There's a person on the other side of that screen and they generally aren't hookers. Ah ha.

[spoiledaffection]

Its stressful feeling obligated to roleplay and I remember burning out really fast when I was new to it. A lot of people want to roleplay right away and sometimes they're pushy about it.

I avoid a lot of that now by just not adding anyone on discord that I'm not ready to roleplay with. I'll always have more requests than I have time for. When I find a good match but I don't have time in the near future, I just tell them that I don't have room for them yet and ask if I can add them on discord when I do. It keeps me from feeling pressured and (hopefully) keeps them from feeling ignored.

[MustLoveCats]

Its stressful feeling obligated to roleplay and I remember burning out really fast when I was new to it. A lot of people want to roleplay right away and sometimes they're pushy about it.

I avoid a lot of that now by just not adding anyone on discord that I'm not ready to roleplay with. I'll always have more requests than I have time for. When I find a good match but I don't have time in the near future, I just tell them that I don't have room for them yet and ask if I can add them on discord when I do. It keeps me from feeling pressured and (hopefully) keeps them from feeling ignored.

That sounds like a good policy. I can't think of much to add to this given I think I've said a lot of the same stuff. Which is cool because I get along well with folks of the same mindset. I'd love to really have a true friendship with a fem pred, like... play a game or whatever. It makes things a lot less awkward and more relaxing when you can be completely free. Making jokes and innuendoes.

[Birichino]

It's not really isolated. Females who have some sexually desirable trait (and it seems like they all do to someone) aren't given the proper respect. It happens in every direction you can think of sometimes, but obviously females get the worst of it. Most vorarephiles seem to be male prey, so by volume, it's going to be female preds who get the most aggressive thirst to deal with.

[MustLoveCats]

It's not really isolated. Females who have some sexually desirable trait (and it seems like they all do to someone) aren't given the proper respect. It happens in every direction you can think of sometimes, but obviously females get the worst of it. Most vorarephiles seem to be male prey, so by volume, it's going to be female preds who get the most aggressive thirst to deal with.

Are morals and respect not something that's taught to people any more? Or does the anonymity of the internet make it easier to forget such things? Probably it's more of the later.

[kagamichan]

I am female, and I make it clear that I play prey only. Despite this, I've had people harass me in an attempt to force me to play a female pred or giantess. Even though in all my RP seeking threads, it's made clear from the beginning that I am not interested.

The problem here is consent, and people not respecting boundaries. I think it might just be slanted towards women or anyone who plays female characters, a bit more...but obviously it can happen to anyone of any gender or orientation. To people who only care about their own preferences and don't want to find someone who's actually compatible, labels like "pred" and "prey" are easily ignored. They treat others like toys of sexual gratification, and not like humans who have their own thoughts, opinions, and preferences.

I am truly sorry to hear that people have been pressuring you to play something you are not comfortable with. I've been in that position before, and it sucks. I have sympathy for anyone who is put in this place, regardless of their gender or if they're pred, prey, or switch.

[Artemis]

I've definitely dealt with this type of attention, to the point that I just say no if I get random requests for RP. That mostly solved my problems when I just started immediately saying no to people who didn't demonstrate any awareness of what I was looking for. Sometimes if I'm in the actual Eka's chat I'll ask them what they have in mind and give them a chance to read my profile since it's right there and has detailed preferences and sometimes even RP ideas.

I don't blame you for feeling bad. I'm sure there are people who avoid our community simply because it's too much of an annoyance for them. If I had to give a recommendation on how to make things better, ...Making friends with people without necessarily expecting RP from them is probably the key.

[MustLoveCats]

I don't blame you for feeling bad. I'm sure there are people who avoid our community simply because it's too much of an annoyance for them. If I had to give a recommendation on how to make things better, ...Making friends with people without necessarily expecting RP from them is probably the key.

This is pretty much something I've been trying to do more of. I get it, and its something I do indeed really want. Makes an RP so much more rewarding when you're friends. That and you can just kind of drop into things without all the background work. It's funny though, I've had to start denying people as well due to that. I'm terrible at having something in mind because I honestly want to talk to the 'person' before getting involved in an RP. Which is weird I guess.

There are those that when you try to just talk to them, they ask why, and when you say "I just want to talk before we commit to anything." They get all distant and stop talking at all. It's rather frustrating xD. That's not what this thread is about however. Though it does seem to have devolved into pretty much exactly what I intended. Which is a space for people to go, "Yes, this is annoying."

[Birichino]

I don't blame you for feeling bad. I'm sure there are people who avoid our community simply because it's too much of an annoyance for them. If I had to give a recommendation on how to make things better, ...Making friends with people without necessarily expecting RP from them is probably the key.

This is pretty much something I've been trying to do more of. I get it, and its something I do indeed really want. Makes an RP so much more rewarding when you're friends. That and you can just kind of drop into things without all the background work. It's funny though, I've had to start denying people as well due to that. I'm terrible at having something in mind because I honestly want to talk to the 'person' before getting involved in an RP. Which is weird I guess.

There are those that when you try to just talk to them, they ask why, and when you say "I just want to talk before we commit to anything." They get all distant and stop talking at all. It's rather frustrating xD. That's not what this thread is about however. Though it does seem to have devolved into pretty much exactly what I intended. Which is a space for people to go, "Yes, this is annoying."

Well, it could be a useful thread. The concern was just that female preds don't get treated like people (ironically?), so more of how to avoid creating that sense is good to know. Though, wanting to be friends with someone I'm going to RP with is already in my nature, so it feels odd to say it like a recommendation.

[MustLoveCats]

I don't blame you for feeling bad. I'm sure there are people who avoid our community simply because it's too much of an annoyance for them....

This is pretty much something I've been trying to do more of. I get it, and its something I do indeed really want. Makes an RP so much more rewarding when you're friends. That and you can just kind of drop into things without all the background work. It's funny though, I've had to start denying people as well due to that. I'm terrible at having something in mind because I honestly want to talk to the 'person'...

Well, it could be a useful thread. The concern was just that female preds don't get treated like people (ironically?), so more of how to avoid creating that sense is good to know. Though, wanting to be friends with someone I'm going to RP with is already in my nature, so it feels odd to say it like a recommendation.

Indeed, that was the concern of this thread. I can get a bit of track and ramble often so I'm not really trying to recommend anything. Though it is nice to see someone of the same ideal as mine.