Has anybody else not truly figured out why they like vore?

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Re: Has anybody else not truly figured out why they like vor

Postby Zeepher150 » Sat Sep 28, 2019 3:08 am

So with me the idea of being eaten alive was really awful to imagine, at first. I remember watching a show as a kid and witnessing a scene in an episode where a creature being raised as a pet grows into a huge man-eater that consumed everybody including those who raised and loved it. Frankly, that moment was so intense for my impressionable mind as a kid. I felt almost traumatized by it and really questioned what I saw. It was shocking to think somebody or something you love would choose to treat you as food, as if you're less than a person. I remember feeling hurt and betrayed about that scene. :(

But then that episode ended in a silly fashion. After the monster eats the last character left it then explodes and, in a flash, all its victims reappear... Seeing the characters survive that experience might have been a trigger for me. After that I'm almost sure I lived with a simultaneous mix of fear and fascination about it. Thinking to myself, "Why did it eat the people who loved it?" "Does it not love them?" "Was it just so hungry it did not care?" and "How did the characters come back after being eaten alive?" "Didn't they die?" "Were they just being kept inside all along?" I was upset and confused. I wanted answers. I wanted to understand their experience. I was mystified as to how and why it all happened. So I used my imagination of all things to replay the scene in a way, specifically the moment I became aware the monster's victims were trapped inside of it. I was fixated about thinking of how it would feel inside the belly. Of course, only using imagination as my guide just limited my understanding of what the actual truth would be. :roll: Soon I decided to forget it all and avoid any media that might remind me of that scene.

Years later I discover a textbook about science while in school and in there I see a diagram displaying the anatomy of the alimentary canal in a human, and finding that stimulated me in a strong way. The fantasies and feelings from the past surged in me and I felt aroused. It was bizarre because I did not know what it meant! I think it might've been the first stimulation to arouse me. At that time I was also trying to own my personal sexuality and thinking of what that means, those experiences then felt new. Really, I was lost about how to express my new feelings and so I became withdrawn. Again, I wanted to forget how I felt because my feelings seemed too strange and freakish.

Some more time passes in my life and I grow into a geeky teen. One day I'm online browsing for fan-art of characters and discovered some artwork of a scene where one is eating another and my heart jumps at that image. I freeze and feel that same rush I felt in the past, but much stronger. I was convinced I've found something major and I wanted more. While searching for more I found a pattern about that specific scenario and it was that those who shared content focusing on it and those who gave feedback would mention a word in their comments and tagging - "vore." I got interested about that word and what it's supposed to mean. So I made a trip to Wikipedia and learned. Since then I've been learning about paraphilias and the community of people living with them. Honestly, after studying my fixations for a while I'm thinking they relate more with endosomatophilia and partial-ism because of how focused I am about ingestion and abdomens but I'm still unsure... :?
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