So I spent quite a bit time writing (a probably dead story) and, since I don't want to let my inspiration go to waste, I'll just post a page of it here and am asking for a few opinions
and advice where to improve...
Do note, I'm more like a green hobby-writer with a lively fantasy and that english isn't my native language.(Want your honest opinions, though)
- How bad is my grammar?
- On a scale(upwards) from 1 to 10 how inappropriate is my comma placement(since I just put them up where it "feels" right )
- I'm trying to use a multitude of words, probably not always fitting the context... Is it very bad?
- Am I going way overboard with the text?(I kinda feel like I'm just raping words...)
Finally for the sake of clarity I'm gonna spoiler it, since it's at least a bit text:
Spoiler: show
"N-No way... You c-couldn't swallow me as I am!", you hesitantly reply with an artificial laughter.
In an immature manner she replies: "Reaaaaally? Because, you know, I spy with my big eye, a li'l something small enough for my throat."
Her tone changes from friendly to daring. It looks like you made the wrong choice tempting MiniZilla's curiosity.
She stands up, takes a quick peek at her cellphone and after putting it away - in anticipation of a certain event to occur - she rests her arms on the wall pushing her belly against it. You're facing a mountain of flesh again, only this time her belly button vanished under the edge. Her hands are guarding your sides as she hovers over you.
Behind you is a vast abyss, at least 50 feet to it's ground... You're caught between a rock and a soft place.
Trembling with fear you look as the wall moves slightly towards you, just to back off immediately, while the intervals shorten. Angling your eyes skyward, you see her cute bikini top which - considering she's rather flat - isn't capable to hide a mostly terrifying view from you: Her vermillion face, drenched in ecstasy and lost in thought. There's no doubt she's aroused, mentally prepared for something - and less doubt it's something you're painfully aware of...
"Say, if you're reaaally suuuuure, why did you hesitate?", she's calming herself down, resisting the very urge, taking over her body and mind, with all her might.
Your heart, on the verge of bursting, disables your ability to think straight causing you to carelessly spurt:
"I-I was j-just r-reflecting on what you showed me. B-believe me, your g-gullet is way too s-small for me."
She waited a tad, almost expecting more to come.
"Now, that's a biggie!", the challenged giantess says, "We have two opinions but only one truth... Since we can't ask a third party, I guess there's only one way to uncover it..."
"H-hey, W-willow, t-this i-is getting out of hand, w-wouldn't you a-agree?", you ask consumed by terror, "R-remember, w-we're a-at a p-parking lot, there c-could be people around!"
"You don't need to worry about that. As the clever - and preparative - girl I am, I brought you to the lowest level of the parking lot. I highly doubt anyone will intervene us here, right in the middle of the convention.", she boasts while proudly patting her chest with her right fist, "AND even if there were people, remember where we are! They'd probably be jealous, at best."
You're at your wits end. Pictures of the announced event are starting to fill your mind, mostly pictures of you becoming a better acquaintance to the glittering abyss with a little help from the not so little Willow...
Your train of thoughts comes to a crashing halt when you are startled by a loud sound...
*groaaaaan*
A wicked smile crosses Willow's lips as the event, she was impatiently waiting for, finally occurred - A shy somewhat lengthy groaning emitted from her belly, articulating the demand for content.
She knew it would happen any time now, since it was already past 13:00 and she hadn't time to eat breakfast due to oversleeping quite a bit.
"Did you hear that?" she delighted asks .
Dumbfounded by the complaint you just heard, hoping there is a way to stop these events from unfolding, you reply: "Heard what?"
But as soon as you said the magical words she gently runs her petite hand over the ground pressing you into the cozy wall you're facing.
It's warm, it's smooth, it's gently massaging you as you hear the sound of calming, deep breaths - you even think you're faintly hearing an excited heartbeat.
All of this'd be so cozy for you if there wasn't a set of noises dominating it all...
*groaaaaan*
*gurgleglegle*
*rrruuuumbleee*
Despite rarely being able to be heard by it's owner, her stomach is quite active in his way to get attention.
A manifold array of gurgles, gargles, rumbles and groans - very variable in their way, length and intensity - induce to you that Willow MUST be very hungry.
You try to wriggle but her caressing belly cushions your attempts to break free from this pinch.
Forced to helplessly listen to these noises for a few minutes, you reconsider...
A few of these sounds were violently vibrating her belly. Being directly exposed to the epicenter, the quakes painfully resonated inside you, shaking your whole body thoroughly.
"She isn't just hungry, SHE'S STARVING!", screams the back of your mind.
She lets go of you after feeling and hearing enough to ensure you would never-ever forget her craving.
The blossomed predator steps aside opens her dragon guardian and takes off her cape and hat, placing them on top of the car next to her.
While she's busy, you're eager to find any means of escape but you're stuck on the thin plateau only surrounded be 90° cliffs offering absolutely no chance to keep you grounded.
Willow, fully prepared, turns around to see you running from side to side, desperately looking for a way down.
In a playfully gentle way she's sneaking over, kneeling down in front of you and indicates the solution for your problem in a most teasing manner:
"Hihihi, looking for a way down? I can help you with that. Although, it might not lead straight to the ground. I hope you don't mind a brief stopover on the way..."
As she spoke these words, confessing her next course of action, you desperately beg and plead: "W-w-w-wait! D-don't do this! PLEASE!"
A short moment of silence fills the atmosphere...
In an immature manner she replies: "Reaaaaally? Because, you know, I spy with my big eye, a li'l something small enough for my throat."
Her tone changes from friendly to daring. It looks like you made the wrong choice tempting MiniZilla's curiosity.
She stands up, takes a quick peek at her cellphone and after putting it away - in anticipation of a certain event to occur - she rests her arms on the wall pushing her belly against it. You're facing a mountain of flesh again, only this time her belly button vanished under the edge. Her hands are guarding your sides as she hovers over you.
Behind you is a vast abyss, at least 50 feet to it's ground... You're caught between a rock and a soft place.
Trembling with fear you look as the wall moves slightly towards you, just to back off immediately, while the intervals shorten. Angling your eyes skyward, you see her cute bikini top which - considering she's rather flat - isn't capable to hide a mostly terrifying view from you: Her vermillion face, drenched in ecstasy and lost in thought. There's no doubt she's aroused, mentally prepared for something - and less doubt it's something you're painfully aware of...
"Say, if you're reaaally suuuuure, why did you hesitate?", she's calming herself down, resisting the very urge, taking over her body and mind, with all her might.
Your heart, on the verge of bursting, disables your ability to think straight causing you to carelessly spurt:
"I-I was j-just r-reflecting on what you showed me. B-believe me, your g-gullet is way too s-small for me."
She waited a tad, almost expecting more to come.
"Now, that's a biggie!", the challenged giantess says, "We have two opinions but only one truth... Since we can't ask a third party, I guess there's only one way to uncover it..."
"H-hey, W-willow, t-this i-is getting out of hand, w-wouldn't you a-agree?", you ask consumed by terror, "R-remember, w-we're a-at a p-parking lot, there c-could be people around!"
"You don't need to worry about that. As the clever - and preparative - girl I am, I brought you to the lowest level of the parking lot. I highly doubt anyone will intervene us here, right in the middle of the convention.", she boasts while proudly patting her chest with her right fist, "AND even if there were people, remember where we are! They'd probably be jealous, at best."
You're at your wits end. Pictures of the announced event are starting to fill your mind, mostly pictures of you becoming a better acquaintance to the glittering abyss with a little help from the not so little Willow...
Your train of thoughts comes to a crashing halt when you are startled by a loud sound...
*groaaaaan*
A wicked smile crosses Willow's lips as the event, she was impatiently waiting for, finally occurred - A shy somewhat lengthy groaning emitted from her belly, articulating the demand for content.
She knew it would happen any time now, since it was already past 13:00 and she hadn't time to eat breakfast due to oversleeping quite a bit.
"Did you hear that?" she delighted asks .
Dumbfounded by the complaint you just heard, hoping there is a way to stop these events from unfolding, you reply: "Heard what?"
But as soon as you said the magical words she gently runs her petite hand over the ground pressing you into the cozy wall you're facing.
It's warm, it's smooth, it's gently massaging you as you hear the sound of calming, deep breaths - you even think you're faintly hearing an excited heartbeat.
All of this'd be so cozy for you if there wasn't a set of noises dominating it all...
*groaaaaan*
*gurgleglegle*
*rrruuuumbleee*
Despite rarely being able to be heard by it's owner, her stomach is quite active in his way to get attention.
A manifold array of gurgles, gargles, rumbles and groans - very variable in their way, length and intensity - induce to you that Willow MUST be very hungry.
You try to wriggle but her caressing belly cushions your attempts to break free from this pinch.
Forced to helplessly listen to these noises for a few minutes, you reconsider...
A few of these sounds were violently vibrating her belly. Being directly exposed to the epicenter, the quakes painfully resonated inside you, shaking your whole body thoroughly.
"She isn't just hungry, SHE'S STARVING!", screams the back of your mind.
She lets go of you after feeling and hearing enough to ensure you would never-ever forget her craving.
The blossomed predator steps aside opens her dragon guardian and takes off her cape and hat, placing them on top of the car next to her.
While she's busy, you're eager to find any means of escape but you're stuck on the thin plateau only surrounded be 90° cliffs offering absolutely no chance to keep you grounded.
Willow, fully prepared, turns around to see you running from side to side, desperately looking for a way down.
In a playfully gentle way she's sneaking over, kneeling down in front of you and indicates the solution for your problem in a most teasing manner:
"Hihihi, looking for a way down? I can help you with that. Although, it might not lead straight to the ground. I hope you don't mind a brief stopover on the way..."
As she spoke these words, confessing her next course of action, you desperately beg and plead: "W-w-w-wait! D-don't do this! PLEASE!"
A short moment of silence fills the atmosphere...