Goddess of Vore

[RoseBlossom]

I'm wondering if anyone can give me feedback on my interactive story, Goddess of Vore (https://aryion.com/iss/page.php?page=1&story=682), thanks in advance!

[Morsus]

I hope I don't sound to harsh, but in my personal opinion each page is far to short. In addition the story seems to be lacking detail. To elaborate on my point I'll ask some basic questions about page three. What kind of restaurant is it, is it a family place, fast food, or something else? Who is my friend, how do they act, and what do they look like? What is the nature of the meeting? I fear I am unable to find my answers within the story, and while sometimes leaving similar questions unanswered allows to reader become better immersed I found it unacceptable in this case.

I wish my critic of it ended there, but it doesn't. I'm not an expert when it comes to spelling and grammar, if that hasn't yet become abundantly apparent, but what mistakes are present are exaggerated by how brief the pages are. For example on page three you use you're instead of your. Be mindful that it isn't the only mistake made in the story, or even that page. Proofreading is tantamount to creativity when writing.

Don't let me discourage you for continuing your story. I'm going to stop rambling now. I hope you found my rather disjointed thoughts and insights helpful.

[RoseBlossom]

I hope I don't sound to harsh, but in my personal opinion each page is far to short. In addition the story seems to be lacking detail. To elaborate on my point I'll ask some basic questions about page three. What kind of restaurant is it, is it a family place, fast food, or something else? Who is my friend, how do they act, and what do they look like? What is the nature of the meeting? I fear I am unable to find my answers within the story, and while sometimes leaving similar questions unanswered allows to reader become better immersed I found it unacceptable in this case.

I wish my critic of it ended there, but it doesn't. I'm not an expert when it comes to spelling and grammar, if that hasn't yet become abundantly apparent, but what mistakes are present are exaggerated by how brief the pages are. For example on page three you use you're instead of you. Be mindful that it isn't the only mistake made in the story, or even that page. Proofreading is tantamount to creativity when writing.

Don't let me discourage you for continuing your story. I'm going to stop rambling now. I hope you found my rather disjointed thoughts and insights helpful.

Grammar isn't my strong suit, so I'm gonna go back and proofread it now
Also, I'll add more description right now :3
Thanks for the help