Edited on February 26th - As my profile says, I've written and published tons of fetish stories involving breast punishment and CBT, one of which touched peripherally on snakes, fish, and other fun stuff as tools for torment rather than actually eating people outright. But I've never written straight vore. In trying to write something suitable for this forum, I adapted parts of that snake story and went on to write completely new sections with actual snake vore. So far, I've posted four parts. The little feedback I've received had been very positive, but -- surprisingly -- I've gotten less response to this story than others. So I thought I'd post links to it here and ask for thoughts and critique. I don't typically do that, since I have been publishing for a couple decades, but I'm new to vore. So, here you go. I'm all ears (eyes). Does the inclusion of tit torture prior to the vore shut people down before they get there? Maybe the CBT focus at the end? Please let me know. Once I see what people have to say, I'll decide whether to try another one or not. Thanks in advance. ~Matt~
Part 1 - https://aryion.com/g4/view/854172
Part 2 - https://aryion.com/g4/view/854250
Part 3 - https://aryion.com/g4/view/854798
Part 4 - https://aryion.com/g4/view/855230
Part 5 - https://aryion.com/g4/view/867261
Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
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This section is for any artist, writer, animator, or any form of creation to share their work in order to receive comment to improve themselves better.
Read the rules in detail here
Read the Critiquing suggestion here
Please open only one thread per person. Detail here.
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Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
Last edited by DPMaster on Sun Feb 26, 2023 4:37 am, edited 2 times in total.
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DPMaster - New to the forum
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- Location: Southern USA
Re: Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
Hadnt even realized you had written more than the first chapter. Read it and loved it so far. I hope you do continue it and at least give it the ending it looks to be going lol
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theheadsn - Participator
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- Location: OC, California
Re: Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
Some of your tagging may be partially responsible for low responses. A lot of your tags seem to be combinations of what would commonly be separate ones. There are a number of people on this site who over use tags excessively when there's no need for them. (If your list of tags are longer then your story you may be doing something wrong.) In your case though, you just don't have very many.
Some possible tags for your perusal:
Beastiality - If the animals are non-sapient
Feral - Usually referring to animal in shape but being fully sapient
Hard Vore , Gore - There will be blood
Soft Vore - Swallowing whole
Fatal - Someone is gonna die
Non-Fatal , Safe (used more on FA) - Probably no one is going to die
Endosoma - This one is sometimes used inconsistently bit is a combination of Soft Vore + Non-Fatal + someone enjoys being inside
I hope these basic tags are helpful.
Some possible tags for your perusal:
Beastiality - If the animals are non-sapient
Feral - Usually referring to animal in shape but being fully sapient
Hard Vore , Gore - There will be blood
Soft Vore - Swallowing whole
Fatal - Someone is gonna die
Non-Fatal , Safe (used more on FA) - Probably no one is going to die
Endosoma - This one is sometimes used inconsistently bit is a combination of Soft Vore + Non-Fatal + someone enjoys being inside
I hope these basic tags are helpful.
- The_Agent
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Re: Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
The_Agent wrote:Some of your tagging may be partially responsible for low responses...
Thanks. I'll take a look at them and see what I need to add.
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DPMaster - New to the forum
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Re: Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
Welp, I've added and changed tags. As is often the case in a lot of fetish forums, it seems pictures are more popular than stories, so I take that into consideration. I also get that there are a lot of people (maybe the majority) who prefer to lurk and remain anonymous on forums like this one for fear of being "outed." Maybe it's simply that folks don't like my writing style here. In any case, I've started on the 5th chapter, and will post it eventually. I can't say I'll be snake voring any more after that.
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DPMaster - New to the forum
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Re: Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
I just posted the final chapter to "Daring the Serpent to Strike." I hope everyone likes it and gives me feedback about what might make it even better for them. Depending on likes and comments, I may try another vore tale. Otherwise, I'll stick to the stuff I know best. In either case, here's the link: https://aryion.com/g4/view/867261 .
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DPMaster - New to the forum
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Re: Story - Daring the Serpent to Strike
I'm still getting a lot fewer responses than I'd hoped. Is it still not being found, or could it be including tit torture (or CBT later on) is turning snake vore people off? I'd love to know what people are looking for that I should have, or could have, done differently.
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DPMaster - New to the forum
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- Joined: Tue Dec 27, 2022 6:47 pm
- Location: Southern USA
7 posts
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