Looking for feedback on my first few stories (08.04 update)

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Looking for feedback on my first few stories (08.04 update)

Postby Deloomi » Thu Mar 30, 2023 10:00 am

Hello there.

I've been lurking on the website for a while and just recently found the courage to contribute myself, first with commissioning artist and also by writing my own stories. I write these to have a better time coming up with scenarios and I also hope for others to enjoy them. I wrote my last English Essay 5 years ago so please forgive me any grammar mistakes :D


“Oooh, this is gonna be a good creation of mine.” Mari Ohara, director of Uranohoshi Girls’ High School and member of Aqours, was grinning. After her successful recipe, the shinestew, she wanted her fellow members to try more of her…exotic meals. One of these members was Hanamaru Kunikida, a kind and gentle girl with an appetite to eat every other member under the table. One could give her any kind of food of any size and the short girl would still manage to find a way to fit it into her stomach. Mari always wondered if there was anything edible that she couldn’t eat and so she wanted to find out.

After preparing, she went to the library, fully expecting the book-loving Hanamaru to be there and she was right.

“Hanamaru-chan, do you wanna…eat lunch with me? I prepared something that you should definitely give a try!”

“I’d gladly join you zura! I kinda forgot the time and now I’m super hungry.”, a happy Hanamaru replied.

Mari grinned. Everything was going according to plan.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the door of one of the rooms of Hotel Ohara.

“So, what are we going to eat, zura?” asked Hanamaru

“You’ll see~ It’s gonna be a surprise”. Mari could barely hide her scheming smile.

“As long as it’s not Noodles, I’ll eat anything zura”

Mari opens the door and leaves Hanamaru confused. The room was empty except for a single bed with a girl seemingly sleeping on it.

“I think this is the wrong room zura. Let’s go out before she wakes up”

“Oh we totally are in the correct room. And she’s your meal”

Mari points at the sleeping girl. Now Hanamaru’s even more confused. Eating that girl? It seemed absurd. But she also remembers a book that she found in her temple. It was used to stabilize a closet and was almost forgotten. There she read about humans eating other humans but she considered it to be like something of a weird fantasy that someone in the past came up with.

“Are you serious, Mari-san? Eating this girl seems absu-”

*grrgr*

Her stomach grumbles. She hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast and she was hungry.

“Maybe i’ll try it zura”

Mari’s eyes started glowing from excitement.

“Let me help you,” she said as she grabbed the sleeping girl’s feet.

Hanamaru ignored all rational thoughts that went through her mind and opened her mouth.

The girl went in pretty smoothly. Mari pushed the girl further into Hanamaru’s waiting maw. She still hasn’t woken up but Hanamaru didn’t mind. She savored the sweet taste of the girl’s skin. The most difficult parts were her hips and her shoulders. She thought the girl was stuck as those parts entered her esophagus but Mari’s pushing helped a lot. At last the girl’s head slipped past her lips and was sent into her waiting stomach. Hanamaru felt all kinds of sensations throughout her body. Her stomach hurt but she also felt amazing. There was an entire person inside her. Her hunger has been sated and she slowly calmed down again. At that point, she also felt sorry for the girl that has now been trapped in her stomach. A life fell victim to her hunger and she even enjoyed it.

“Don’t worry, that girl was quite a bully at Uranohoshi. Maybe it will calm you down knowing that she also once bullied poor Yoshiko-chan,” Mari tried to calm the almost crying girl in front of her.

“R-really? *sniff*?” Hanamaru still felt bad but at that point it was too late to let her out.
Her stomach, deprived of food for hours now, immediately started working on the girl.

The acids started their work on the sleeping girl, still unaware that she was about to be turned into fat and nutrients for the book loving member of Aqours.

“I’ll let you rest here for a while and come pick you up later~” Mari said and hopped out of the room, leaving a bloated Hanamaru on the bed.

Due to all the digestion starting up, Maru slowly drifted to sleep.

Slowly the girl inside her stomach has turned into an unrecognizable soup and was slowly pumped into her intestines. The sheer amount of nutrients and fat certainly didn’t leave Hanamaru unaffected. Her boobs started growing which led to her jacket’s buttons to pop open, Her thighs and butt also got their fair share and gave her skirt a hard time covering them up

[a few hours later]

Hanamaru woke up, still feeling a bit bloated. She noticed the heavy weight of her own body and noticed a mirror in the corner.
She took a look at herself and noticed that she changed a lot. Her breasts are even bigger than Mari’s and Kanan’s and maybe even those of Nozomi Tojo from µ's. Her butt and thighs put everyone else’s behinds to shame. Her astonishing metabolism managed to convert almost everything of the girl she ate a few hours ago. All that is left is a small pudge on her belly.

*knock knock*

Mari entered the door to check if Hanamaru’s already awake.

“Oh, I think those might be my new favourites to play with,” Mari rejoiced as she pressed her face into Maru’s new boobs.

“P-Please stop it, zuraaa,” Maru squealed.

*grmmbl*

“Are you by any chance…hungry again?” A big smirk appeared on Mari's face.

“Y-yes, kinda. Do you think I can have dessert, zura?”

“In fact, I already prepared something for you, follow me”

The girls moved to the next room, where Mari already prepared Maru’s next meal…
Last edited by Deloomi on Sat Apr 08, 2023 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: First Story, F/F, Digestion

Postby Assimilation » Thu Mar 30, 2023 2:32 pm

Oooo, I like how it ends off with the eagerness for the next meal. Very happy to have stopped by this thread, I enjoyed your story a bunch.

Since I don't know these characters, if you continue this as a series, I'd be interested to learn why Mari decided to feed her friend another girl instead of another one of her recipes. Maybe she saw that same book at the temple and got inspired? I'm eager to get inside her mind and explore some casual depravity. :gulp:
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Re: First Story, F/F, Digestion

Postby MasterMage13 » Thu Mar 30, 2023 11:18 pm

I liked it. It was very good.
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Re: Looking for feedback on my first few stories (08.04 upda

Postby Deloomi » Sat Apr 08, 2023 2:41 pm

Assimilation, MasterMage13, thank you for your feedback. It's much appreciated orz
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Re: Looking for feedback on my first few stories (08.04 upda

Postby Deloomi » Sat Apr 08, 2023 2:43 pm

I've now written a few more and i'm hoping that I can get some feedback on them. Especially feedback on the dialogue portions would be highly appreciated as those are some of the parts i wasn't always too sure on how to write.
https://aryion.com/g4/view/880517
https://aryion.com/g4/view/881450
and
https://aryion.com/g4/view/881847
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