Well, go for it.

by **Miateshcha** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 10:07 pm

Here they are.

Anything to be fixed? Tweaked? The main criticism I've heard of my work is that it's too detached, not pornographic enough. Any comments?[/url]

by **Scratch** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 10:29 pm

Less commas, more periods. Your writing is nice, it's just difficult to feel the pace (Which is important if you want to write erotically) with that much depth.

by **Jrrrobert** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 11:24 pm

It's pretty good, I would go in to more detail. An important key to writing (and all the more so if you are trying to arouse your reader) is to bring them in to it using senses, esspecially touch, for this kind of story.