Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

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Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby OpenLive00 » Thu May 18, 2017 9:29 pm

This is a story I wrote for a contest on deviantart. It's been a really long time since I wrote anything and my first time writing anything like this, so constructive criticism is welcome, especially in the grammar department. It's way too long to post it as text in this so I'll just leave it as a pdf. Just a heads up, it's about Jinx from League of Legends, not the one from Teen Titans.
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby Assimilation » Thu May 18, 2017 11:21 pm

This was great and I'd like to see more from you. I might come back to this thread to give you constructive criticism on the piece, but for now with my limited time, I just wanted you to at least receive some encouragement.
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby OpenLive00 » Thu May 18, 2017 11:28 pm

Assimilation wrote:This was great and I'd like to see more from you. I might come back to this thread to give you constructive criticism on the piece, but for now with my limited time, I just wanted you to at least receive some encouragement.
Thanks! I might do a follow up to this if I get enough encouragement or if I just get that writing bug again.
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby Kitsouille » Thu May 18, 2017 11:52 pm

That was a pretty nice story. A bit long for me but don't worry, I have a short attention span.
GET IN THE FUCKING TITAN SHINJI
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby OpenLive00 » Fri May 19, 2017 12:06 am

Kitsouille wrote:That was a pretty nice story. A bit long for me but don't worry, I have a short attention span.

Thanks for the feedback! It did end up being a lot longer than I realized. I wasn't paying attention to the word count, just writing what came to mind, but I didn't realize it was over 5,000 words. I'll see about keeping it shorter next time.
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby Tyslan03 » Fri May 19, 2017 10:34 am

Very nice story, I really enjoyed it. Big fan of League and I don't think there's enough vorish content with it. Grammar wise, careful about switching between past and present tense and I saw a few words out of place, but on a whole it looks fine.
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]

Postby OpenLive00 » Fri May 19, 2017 5:10 pm

Tyslan03 wrote:Very nice story, I really enjoyed it. Big fan of League and I don't think there's enough vorish content with it. Grammar wise, careful about switching between past and present tense and I saw a few words out of place, but on a whole it looks fine.

Thanks for you feedback, it's much appreciated! I wrote this on and off over the course of a week so I might have changed the tense once or twice without noticing it. I'll give it another look over this weekend to try and fix that.
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