Prologue for possible story I might write

[UnknownThread]

I'm new to Eka and wanted to upload some stories on here related to vore.
I have plans for a ten chapter story and finished the prologue, though before I start work on the rest of the story wanted to check if anyone is even remotely interested in it.
I have no help proof-reading the stories I write and make a lot of grammar mistakes so I'm not very confident I can find and fix them all even after re-reading my story multiple times through. I also have trouble wording things at times and always feel paranoid about my work not making sense for not painting the picture I wanted it to into a readers mind.

Anyway I thought I would upload the prologue here before I start work on the rest. Please point out any mistakes in my work or if it is boring, doesn't make sense, or just anything you don't like about it in general. Thank you for any criticism constructive or note you may have for me. :}

[Eka]

For some simple grammar and spell check, try Grammarly it is an add-on that will help you do quite a bit and is free.

For posting story, you should just copy and paste them. Having someone download a file on the forum just to read it is an extra hassle nobody likes.

Also, like I mentioned before. Don't expect any kind of reception if you didn't even bother to finish the story before asking for feedback. There isn't anything to give feedback on.

[Wolfsage]

It seemed rather good to me, didn't notice too many grammer mistakes, but then again, I migt not have paid too much attention.

[UnknownThread]

The reason I was asking is this is more of a concept than a real prologue. If I decide to upload this the whole story wont be in one upload. I should have said that instead of calling it the prologue but like I said I have trouble wording stuff so I hope it makes more sense why I would upload just this and ask for an opinion.
Also about copy pasting I will make sure to do that if I post something like this again. Thank you for the feedback.

[dreamweevil]

This is actually well-written, in my opinion. And the majority of the grammatical problems looks like an errant search-and-replace: Almost every instance of the word "were" is instead "where" ("We where all students"). If I swap those out in my head there aren't many other grammatical problems.

As a reader, when I'm deciding to read a story, one of the first puzzles to solve is: what kind of story is this? What kind of events are likely to happen and what questions will this story probably answer? Do I like the characters or situations and can I identify with any of it?

This prologue almost seems to set up too much: the entire story's pretty much laid out right here. You've got a group of high school students whisked off to some alternate/imaginary world to play a demon's twisted game, and they have a set amount of time (which I interpret as "about twelve hours" to get to a particular destination twenty miles away and do their best to fortify an old building before the "sun" sets and the world is crawling with some kind of horrible monsters. (I can't help but think Minescape here, BTW). So in my head I'm already seeing that story arc: the long contentious trudge to an old abandoned building, arriving too late to seriously fortify it against whatever the monster attack might be, infighting among the groups of students, eerie, ominous quiet as the sun sets, and then vicious monster attacks until morning. That, unfortunately, is a story we've seen before, so the best improvement you could make here would be to hint, in the prologue that this isn't that story: something different is about to happen[/i]. Then I'm hooked and can't wait to see what happens next.

dreamweevil

[UnknownThread]

Thanks I'll definitely rewrite the beginning to be more... just better than this one I really appreciate the advice.
I do think I put to much into this for it's size and how early into the story it would be. (Literally the beginning) I'm gonna make sure next time to do even more Grammatical error searching and probably use Grammarly for ones I still miss. I obviously need to work on the plot slightly less obvious and change some of it. Also I didn't add any characters into this because I honestly couldn't think of any names besides literally Bob (And I don't even know if Bob was gonna be male. O_O)

Anyway thanks for the help and helpful advice.