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Any critisim for my first story? (M/F)

Are you looking for a place to post your work, hoping to receive comments, suggestions and criticisms? If so, this forum is for you! Showcase your stories, drawings, animations, and anything else you have created here. You can even upload your files directly to our site! Note: Everyone is free to share opinions of anything here. If you can't handle criticism, refrain from posting here!
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Any critisim for my first story? (M/F)

Postby RiceBelch » Fri Apr 12, 2019 10:23 pm

https://aryion.com/g4/view/519793
Tips would be appreciated as i'm just starting out on the site. ^^;
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