Kinda Interested in Some Critiques

[DrowNettirw]

Hello there! I am new to this whole story-writing thing, specifically on this topic, and decided to take what I have made and see if I am going in the right direction with it. Any feedback would be amazing, be it on formatting, paragraph flow, story building, and everything in between. Anyways, if you are willing to read this wall of text, have fun. (Side note: I was reminded to add these, so here ya go. Vore type: Oral. Gender combinations: F/M, F/F. Fatal. Also, i was given some pointers on how to reformat this to make it a bit easier on the eyes, so I have put those into play)
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Daniel woke up to an aggressive air horn placed right next to his ear, accompanied by the voice of a stern man
“Wake up wire jockey! Presentations are today, and your project is the main exhibit!”
Daniel groaned, sitting up on his cot and rubbing his eyes
“Really, Garret? Am I needed for this Project Envelope presentation? All I have been working with is small interfaces and chips connected.”
Daniel glanced at Garret, a man far into his fifties with gray hair trimmed into an army regulation crew cut and a short stubby beard. To anyone, he looked like your traditional army jumper. The only thing to tell-tale difference was his cobalt blue take on regular army apparel and black latex gloves. Garret’s snarl only grew
“Firstly, that is Barracks General Danzer to you. Just because you were brought on board a few months ago does not give you the right to insult my rank! And secondly, I am not in control of when and where you must help with your program. That job is for your superior, who was worried you had gone awol after you failed to show up for briefing TWO HOURS AGO!”.
Daniel was shocked past his grogginess
“Oh shit! I’m up and on it. You, uh, send ahead for him and I will get ready… sir.”
Garret huffed, marching off to the other side of the room, leaving for his post

Daniel threw his legs over the edge of his cot and pushed off, struggling to balance on account of his tired state. He walked over to the makeshift dresser he was given and pulled out a fresh cobalt blue jumpsuit with the words ‘Project EnvelopeHead Engineer’ printed on the back. He took off the tank top and sweatpants he used as stand-in sleeping, putting on the jumpsuit in its place. He slipped on a pair of rubber boots and donned a matching pair of rubber gloves. Daniel chuckled, thinking about how simple this outfit was yet it gave him so much power. He walked over to the door, took a deep breath, and was about to take a step outside before he realized he didn’t have his mandatory remote. He quickly spun around and ran to a table stationed in one of the room’s corners. After sifting through a pile of bits and pieces of hardware, Daniel found the primary controller, a device covered in dials and buttons, each labeled oddly by the head director of the project, Eric Vanderbuckle. Daniel dare not question the director, since anyone who asked things that were considered 'out of line,' such as asking the purpose of things beyond your department, got you removed from the team. No-one knew where they went, but after Daniel came to the facility, groups stopped leaving the premises to get rid of these nit-pickers. He shuddered at the thought about what they were doing with them, but Daniel knew that it was all a warning. He slipped the remote into his pocket and ran out of the room, hoping not to waste any more time

As Daniel ran out into the burning sun, he looked around. People were scrambling, teams moving their ‘projects’ to and from presentation theatres. He cringed, feeling how close it was to the time where everything came together. He walked into the largest presentation hall and looked around. Many people from the Envelope team stopped and looked at him, all taking a silent, coping glance. Daniel hung his head and walked shamefully to the office within the building. He arrived at the head of a hallway and was stopped by a pair of guards
“Excuse me, sir, but what is your purpose of seeing Mr. Vanderbuckle before the presentation.”
Daniel made a strained smile.
“I… uh… was requested to his office. Did he inform you about a Mr. Richardson?”
One of the guards thought for a second
“Oh. Oh! Yeah, he definitely sent ahead. Said he had some ‘big plans’ for you. Good luck, pal”
Daniel gulped, stepping past them and walking down the hall. A few more people were setting up chairs in front of a long window, watching an inner sanctum filled with darkness. As he passed, all conversations stopped, and he felt even more eyes on him. When he finally reached the office door, he knew it was a godsend. But, he also knew he was leaving this hell for an all-new one

As Daniel got through the door, a man was sitting behind a desk, merely tapping his fingers. He looked around his thirties, with bleach white hair slicked back. He wore a suit made in the same pure blue cobalt of the compound staff
“Hello, Daniel. Please, take a seat.”
Eric gestured to a chair in front of his desk
Daniel cautiously walked forward and sat down
“You, um, wanted to see me, sir?”
Eric nodded, looking Daniel right in the eyes
“Yes, Daniel. I believe you know why you’re here, correct.”
Daniel took a deep breath, ready for the incoming death threat
“Well, yes, sir, but I can explain. I was working on improving transmitter speed all night, along with checking some of the pieces of hardware for the full control, and I believe Garret just has it out for me, and-”
Eric sighed, cutting Daniel off.
“Hush, boy. I am not mad about your lack of attendance at the meeting. In fact, I preferred it. I would love for you to see this presentation with fresh eyes and watch in wonderment at its unveiling.”
Daniel was more than surprised
“So… you aren’t going to dispose of me like you have so many from the team?”
The man's eyes flew open in both shock and a sort of pained betrayal
“Good heavens, no! You are a prodigy in the technological department. And, I believe you have a future with the corporation.”
Daniel became more than skeptical at this statement
“You… do?”
Eric nodded, this time much less stern with a more accepting look
“Yes. You work hard and try not to ask questions above your line of work. You don’t care who wants the job done, you keep out of the superior's whereabouts, and you don’t let morals gum up the flow, unlike many people. And thus, I will let out a line. A… special briefing, if you will. Answer any question about this department, avoiding, of course, anything personal about employees and the project itself. I would hate to spoil it.”
Daniel thought for a moment, picking his words carefully
“OK, I only have two. One is, what is the whole purpose of this company, and two is who is ‘buying’ the project?”
Eric took a second to find the proper words to use
“I… don’t want to expose too much in case this runs awry, but I can tell you this. TerTech Corporate is a large military technology company aiming to take money from both governments and, primarily, terrorist organizations. We exist because, after many global debates between America, the UK, and Iraq, terrorism and all associated businesses were in shambles. Our founder saw an opening and placed us within it. After that, we began supplying terrorists with unique weapons in exchange for hefty amounts of currency, and provided governments with sub-par yet satisfactory counter weapons. And, to answer that second question, our buyer is the AAAA, or Actions Against American Aggressors. They aim to use the project to dispose of American warmongers, like generals or other military figures, without any trace.”
A form of disgust grew in Daniel, but all he said was
“That is… Intriguing.”

In the back of Daniel’s mind, sirens were going off. He had gotten this far into the weapons of terror manufacturers and was so close to getting right where he needed to be to act, yet it all relied on something he had no direct action with. He could be removed for something as simple as a lab technician messing up on installation, and if something like that happened, there was no hope of coming back from a firing squad. Eric chuckled, pressing a button as his desk descended into the ground and a group of chairs rose to the left side of the room. He took the head chair of them all, at the far back, and motioned for Daniel to sit with him. As the two sat, the wall in front of them descended down as a window was revealed. Eric looked at Daniel
“Please, give me the primary controller. Our guests will arrive any minute.”
Daniel handed over the device as Eric handed him another. It was an encoded dial remote, something Daniel had fabricated a lot of
“Congrats kid. You get yourself one of these. You can even help me lead the presentation!”
Daniel looked it over. The dial had been labeled since he last worked with the device, with five settings, along with a button labeled ‘hormone induction.’ There was neutral, the lowest setting, and heading upper were hunger, draining, hyper, and sitting alone was a parameter called starvation. Daniel was about to ask what each unholy setting meant, but knew he would only get the answer ‘In due time.’ So he sat and waited

Ten minutes later, a group of six men walked in. Most were wearing black suits and looked intentionally similar to each other, but one was wearing a light grey suit. The one in light grey looked old and shriveled, yet acted healthier than any of the others. He looked around the room and saw the chairs, motioning his guards to sit there.
Eric walked over to the old man
“Good day, Mr. Moriarty. You are just on time. Take a seat there by my accomplice, and we will begin.”
Mr. Moriraty did just that, sitting by Daniel. The old man crowed at Daniel, smothering his hope
“You best this is not a waste of time, or I will have this company flayed for insolence.”
Daniel swallowed any pride he had and waited for Mr. Vanderbuckle to begin

The director did just that, clearing his throat
“Gentlemen, you are our exclusivity buyers to this product, which means you will get the first choice if you wish to have it. I understand you also have seen a few other projects, such as Project Denationalize ran by R. C. Monger or Project Foolhardy by Dr. Mitch Campbell, but this is Project Envelope ran by yours truly, Professor Eric Maxwell Vanderbuckle. This project has some of the best genetic engineers, hardware, and software technicians, and test subjects the company has to offer. Now, if my assistant would come down here, he deserves more than a bit of praise.”
Daniel slowly stood up and walked forward, standing beside Eric
“This is Daniel Richardson, the head engineer of this department, and a master at what he does. He is responsible for the subject’s susceptibility to control and use. Basically, he is what allows you to use the project. But, enough praise, time to begin the true presentation!”
As he said that, lights in the room beyond the window sprung to life and showed what was inside

Daniel turned around and looked into the room, awestruck by what he saw. There were your typical guards and on hand technicians, but two things stuck out to him. One was that there was a line of people in orange prison jumpsuits all labeled ‘testing fodder,’ but the other was the device itself. It was not a massive gun or a handheld device of some sort. It was a human female, slumped over in the center of the room. A large sheet of brown hair fell over her face, and besides a metal plate on her neck covered in flashing lights, she wore nothing. The room was filled with awestruck gawks, and only one horrified stare

Daniel's

He was about to say something when Eric continued once more
“This is the full epitome of our work. A perfectly disguised killing machine capable of dispatching of anyone without even a single trace, if used properly. We dubbed her ‘Rebecca,’ though the buyer has all rights to change that name to suit our needs. Although, she seems rather tired. Shall we wake her up?”
Eric pressed a button on the primary controller that caused lights to flare up on the device on Rebecca’s neck. She buckled in pain before begrudgingly standing up, revealing her more unusual feature. She was nearly eight feet tall, towering above any of the guards nearby. Eric smirked

"There we go. Now, as you all see, besides height, the subject appears almost entirely like a human. But, the secret comes out when hunger is induced.”
Eric pressed a button, very similar to the button labeled ‘hormone induction’ on Daniel’s remote, and Rebecca’s mood entirely changed. Her eyes showed a predatory instinct on them as she looked around the room, licking her lips at everyone in sight. One of the guards quickly pushed forward a prisoner and took a step back, gripping their remote harder. Rebecca walked toward the prisoner and smiled, setting a hand on either of his shoulders. She then opened her mouth, saliva dripping out, and slammed down on his head. Her jaw seemed to unhinge and wrap around the poor man’s head. She then slowly picked up the man and swallowed hard. Due to gulp, he slipped further down her throat and created a large bulge in her throat, every movement of his shown through the skin. Accompanying the noises of squelching and swallowing, both gawking of the audience, and moaning from Rebecca, could be heard. She took another gulp, and he was plunged waist deep, his head hidden behind her breasts. Light screaming, and cheering, could be heard as the unfortunate soul was plunged further into the abyss hovering below his head was petrified with terror, and the crowd growing wild over a predator triumphing over her prey. Rebecca took complete control over her meal at this point, grabbing his legs and pushing them further into her maw. Accompanied by her periodic swallows, the man nearly disappeared, only his feet hanging out of her mouth. She took the opportunity, licking her meal’s feet and rubbing her belly. After one final moment of playing with her toy, she swallowed a final time, plunging the last of the man down to her stomach

Clapping echoed around the halls as people were astounded by the feat of nature performed, and Eric took this chance to reign in the primal attention
“That, ladies and gentlemen, is how the project works. After inducing hunger hormones within the subject, one can force them into a murderous phase of hunger. From here, you can manage a few things, such as interrogation, transportation, or the main focus, elimination. You can use a Project Envelope agent to entirely remove an opponent, be it a target or, how we use it, an insubordinate. The primary remote allows you to control the level of digestion the victim will suffer, be it something long and slow, fast enough to kill but still leave remains, or to permanently remove the victim from life without as much as a trace left. We prefer this office for a particularly fun reason.”
Eric turned the dial on his remote to hyper and chuckled. Rebecca bit her lip and fell to her knees, holding her stomach. After a second, her gut began to shrink down, gurgling hard

The act made the entirety of the room fell silent After a minute of digestion in pure silence, the only sign of the man left was a small addition to Rebecca’s assets. After it was all done, Eric turned the back to neutral and turned back to the private buyers
“Any questions?”
Mr. Moriarty snapped from a trance
“Well, yes. How many victims can be handled by one agent at once?”
Eric chuckled
“That, my friend, was the perfect question. Rebecca here can feasibly eliminate five people at once, though the action is quite obvious when she does so. However, We can present her playing around with two prey.”

Eric pressed the hormone button again, and Rebecca went back into a hunter-like state. Two prisoners; one male, and one female, were pushed forward and looked around, scared. As Rebecca approached them, the man bit the bullet and confronted her.
“Y-You can’t do this, Project Envelope! We have all worked with you, and this is no way to treat your-”
He was cut off as Rebecca gave him the same treatment as the one before him, wrapping her mouth around his head. The woman screamed, grabbing on to the man’s legs and trying to pull him out. Rebecca only responded with a smirk, pushing the girl down with ease

Before the woman could get back up, Rebecca walked over-top the woman’s head and sat down, forcing her face against her vagina. As Rebecca continued to swallow her second victim, her soon-to-be third was stuck against her snatch. Rebecca took much longer on the second man in her mouth today, savoring the taste as she slowly ground against the face of the woman below her. She was in heaven, satisfying both the induced need to feast and the primal need for lust. Eventually, the female prey succumbed to the knowledge that she was fated to die and became content. She licked the flesh in front of her, attempting to simply please the one who would be responsible for her end before she was gone. Rebecca clenched her knees in surprise, moaning out in pure pleasure. She almost stopped her actions on the prey in her mouth, focusing entirely on the lady between her legs. Their moans synced up, quickly growing in speed. Eventually, Rebecca buckled and fell forward out of pleasure, an orgasm rocking her body. The only thing that stopped her from falling all the way to the ground was the prey in her mouth, who was pushed thigh deep into her throat. After a minute, Rebecca finally recovered and pulled herself off her partner. She quickly pushed the man down her throat and looked over the new bump on her belly at the woman, who looked back with a tired, entrenched gaze. Rebecca picked her up and smiled, licking her own womanly juices off the girl’s face before sticking her head inside her mouth. She quickly gobbled up the girl, tired from not one, but three conquests. After the third victim’s legs disappear down her throat, she laid down on the ground and began to rest

Eric turned the digestion dial once more and turned to the men behind him
“As you can, the product is flawless and fool-proof. And, with one of these primary controllers, you don’t just have access to a killing machine, but one that must obey your every command.”
As Eric began answering and receiving questions, Daniel simply stood in shock, watching the room beyond in horror. He caused this to happen, and only he was to blame for how seamless it was. But, due to the all-around distraction, he was one of the few to notice Rebecca stand back up after her meal was gone and continue looking around the room, unhinged
“Um… Eric…”
Eric chuckled, patting Daniel’s back
“Not now, Danny. I am sealing a deal.”
So Daniel fell quiet and watched Rebecca creep up on one of the guards ferrying prisoners
“Eric, You can’t really ignore this…”
A twitch formed in Eric's neck as he put more force into his voice
“Daniel, stay silent. You are only offsetting my act!”
Rebecca leaped at the guards, already having them halfway in her mouth
“Eric, you really need to see this!”
Eric spun around, fuming and red in the face
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, What?!?”
Screams rang out around the presentation hall and Eric looked over Daniel's shoulder
“Holy shit! Daniel, use your remote, It should have a program shutdown button on it I have to issue an evacuation!”
Eric pulled out a walkie talkie and began barking orders as Daniel patted every pocket on his jumpsuit, wondering where he put it. He looked back at the men behind him and saw it, sitting right beside his chair. Daniel ran for it, but once he got halfway across the floor, the lights went out. He tripped on something in the dark, hit his head, and blacked out.

After a minute or two, he came to and saw red, blaring lights illuminating the darkness and heard a myriad of screams coming from the now open door. He looked around and began to crawl to the back of the room, trying to find the remote. Meanwhile, a loud muffled scream came from the door as Rebecca walked in, a pair of legs hanging from her mouth. As she swallowed them down, Daniel hid behind a chair, looking for the remote. It was still a few chairs away, and now Rebecca was looking around for the next meal. He took a deep breath and crawled across the floor. He was almost there when he heard a giggle behind him. He leaped forward and barely got a hold of the remote before a firm grip was placed upon his leg, and he was pulled away and up into the air. Before he knew it, he was face to face with Rebecca, who, besides a slightly larger bust and hip range, looked no different from when he had seen her in the presentation. She did, however, have a greedy look in her eyes; the look a predator would make when observing a fresh kill. He scrambled with the remote as she drew him closer to his mouth, her hot breath leaving speaks of saliva on his face. Not even an inch from her gaping maw, he found the button and pressed it, causing her to drop him and reel back away from him, glaring. Daniel slowly stood up, rubbing his head. When he finally looked up, Rebecca was towering over him, scowling.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t eat you right now!”
Daniel’s eyes flung open with shock
“Y-You can talk?!?”
Rebecca snarled, her scowl now accompanied by a burning glare
“Duh, dumb ass. What, too ‘sophisticated’ to think of your homemade Frankenstein as a person?”
Daniel realized he didn’t have long to avoid certain death
“No, n-not at all, it is simply surprising to see teams put this much dedication into what wouldn’t be necessary…”
Rebecca’s glare grew even hotter, and she took a step forward, nearly putting Daniel against the wall
“Oh, so humanity isn’t necessary now, is it?”
Daniel looked away, his face locking up
“I, well, um… Let’s start over. I am Daniel, nice to meet you, please don’t kill me!”
A smirk grew across Rebecca’s face
“Alright, if we are starting over, I will simply do this.”
She grabbed Daniel by the neck and lifted him towards his mouth, licking her lips
"Hey, hey! If you don’t eat me, I can help you get out of her and avoid recapture!”
He stopped moving forward, and a hungry look was exchanged for an inquisitive one
“Oh yeah? How could YOU do that? You some security guard or something?”
Daniel fiddled with his hands, thinking of things he could say to get out of this situation
“Well, no, but I do have exclusivity access to a materials entrance. Also, I could get that thing off your neck.”
One of Rebecca’s hands flew to the back of her neck, rubbing the massive metal implant lining the back of it. With a begrudging sigh, she dropped Daniel to the ground
“Alright, ‘Daniel,’ I won’t eat you if you help me get out of here. But if you try anything sketchy, you are becoming another permanent member of my gut.”
Daniel stood up once again and brushed some dirt off his jumpsuit then held out a hand

“Deal.”

[Tebomas]

Hi! Sorry I didn't read it, but just a suggestion: Please name the main kinks of the story (vore type, gender combination, non/fatal), because I guess many folks won't even start reading, after all they don't know what will await them here ^^'

[DrowNettirw]

Alright, done. Thanks for the suggestion

[AnalagousSam]

This is an extremely, extremely basic writing advice, but when narrating prose, you should start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes, or a new one is introduced. This is a very common practice, and learning to use it will make your dialogue much easier to read. Here's a proper resource, but a basic demo would look like this:

John turned around. "Oh, hey, didn't see you there," he said. "Really?" replied Jeff, "I've been standing behind you for twenty minutes." John looked nervous for a second. "Um, why exactly?"

John turned around. "Oh, hey, didn't see you there," he said.

"Really?" replied Jeff, "I've been standing behind you for twenty minutes."

John looked nervous for a second. "Um, why exactly?"

In addition to being more clear, the shorter lines will help the reader keep their place, and not get lost, which was kind of an issue for me. Also, for formatting, in places like this that don't support indenting paragraphs, I'd suggest putting an empty line after each paragraph to delineate them. You may also want to consider posting your text to a site like Pastebin, which will display it with proper margins and line-lengths.