Alice comic (F/F)

[HitomiMurasaki]

Hello guys!
I want to share with all my OC Alice, I plan to make many comics about her.
These comics will tell the life of Alice, a girl who is obsessed with her body, who discovers the vore by accident.

I am looking for constructive criticism in all the aspects that you can, besides English is not my mother tongue so if someone sees any grammatical error or some phrase wrongly expressed, please tell me.
I hope you like it.
My gallery: https://aryion.com/g4/gallery/HitomiMurasaki

[ndk]

Love the art. I would say though that the font is kind of annoying in that its to thin to be readable unless you fully zoon in.

[HitomiMurasaki]

I have had many doubts with the font and what you said was one of them, thanks, I will change the font in the following comic.

[KillerZ15]

On the story note, I have to say I am curious on where Alice's comics will go. Clearly she is shocked here, but will she become interested herself, or will she be seeing more vorish situations around her than she originally realized? And if the former, will Lily talk her into it?

These questions are my own curiosity with this, not something you actually have to explain. I want to find out in future submissions you may make.

In terms of criticism, your art style is pretty good, so it's pretty hard for me to spot a flaw. ndk already said something about the font, which I agree with to some extent. For grammar, you have mild errors, but even then it's just certain words aren't capitalized. Overall, I think your dialogue is written fine, and grammatical errors seem to be to a minimum.

[hetcomc]

Hello Hitomi. Here are some grammar/syntax corrections/suggestions:
- Change “What envy” to “Ugh, I'm so jealous!”
- Change “Damn Lily” to “Damn it Lily!” Or “That damn Lily!”
- Keep the number of exclamation points consistent.
- Change “We have been in the gym..” to “She’s been going to the gym as long as I have. Why is her ass so much bigger than mine?”
- Capitalize the H in “Hmmm,” it also doesn’t need that many m's.
- Change “Lily... is, etc.” to “Lily. She's...e-eating someone?”
- Cut “Why is she doing that?”
- Change final sentence to “I'd better go home, I don't want to get involved in this.”

You have a nice anime art style, but I do have one suggestion: Lily and Alice's butts look like they're about the same size. Have a panel that shows them side by side so we get a sense of how much bigger Lily is.

Hope this helps, and I look forward to seeing the rest.

[Nalzindar]

I like your art style and your idea to make a comic, and your Alice character looks awesome and seems interesting. You have already gotten a few advice regarding the grammar and fonts above so I do not see any need to repeat them, but I think their butts looks nice. And although we don't see their size comparison immediately, it isn't that necessary to emphasize them by showing obviously comparing pictures, only one who is overly obsessed with her body would notice such a difference.
Will the story mainly concern F/F and same size, or will it also make room for other types of vore as well? Having more than one type will attract more readers so it may be an idea if such would fit into your universe.
But your comic looks very promising so please keep up the good work

[whatisthissheet]

Not really about the art, but it would be nice if you opened a gallery. Would be easier to manage and easier for people to follow your art.

[HitomiMurasaki]

On the story note, I have to say I am curious on where Alice's comics will go. Clearly she is shocked here, but will she become interested herself, or will she be seeing more vorish situations around her than she originally realized? And if the former, will Lily talk her into it?

These questions are my own curiosity with this, not something you actually have to explain. I want to find out in future submissions you may make.

In terms of criticism, your art style is pretty good, so it's pretty hard for me to spot a flaw. ndk already said something about the font, which I agree with to some extent. For grammar, you have mild errors, but even then it's just certain words aren't capitalized. Overall, I think your dialogue is written fine, and grammatical errors seem to be to a minimum.

Thank you, I hope to have the next delivery soon. Of course I prefer that you discover it by reading the comics . XD

[HitomiMurasaki]

Hello Hitomi. Here are some grammar/syntax corrections/suggestions:
- Change “What envy” to “Ugh, I'm so jealous!”
- Change “Damn Lily” to “Damn it Lily!” Or “That damn Lily!”
- Keep the number of exclamation points consistent.
- Change “We have been in the gym..” to “She’s been going to the gym as long as I have. Why is her ass so much bigger than mine?”
- Capitalize the H in “Hmmm,” it also doesn’t need that many m's.
- Change “Lily... is, etc.” to “Lily. She's...e-eating someone?”
- Cut “Why is she doing that?”
- Change final sentence to “I'd better go home, I don't want to get involved in this.”

You have a nice anime art style, but I do have one suggestion: Lily and Alice's butts look like they're about the same size. Have a panel that shows them side by side so we get a sense of how much bigger Lily is.

Hope this helps, and I look forward to seeing the rest.

Thank you very much for all the advice, I will take note of all of them.
As for the size of the asses, they are similar, I mean that Alice has been working hard and for a long time to get that size, while Lily is not struggling.

[sweetladyamy]

Not really about the art, but it would be nice if you opened a gallery.
Would be easier to manage and easier for people to follow your art.

I do second this. However, it does require inquiring with Eka directly.


As far as this piece goes, hot damn, Alice. I'd love to be your workout femme-pal.

The grammar and font have already been touched upon, nitpicky at best, but not something to just sweep under the rug either.

You'll learn as you go, so don't fret over that too much. As they say, "Practice makes Better".

[hetcomc]

If you want to say that Lily hasn’t been working as hard at the gym and is still bigger than Alice, have Alice say something like: “I’ve worked so hard to look the way I do. How is her ass bigger than mine? She doesn’t push herself anywhere near as hard as I do!”