Trying to diversify into writing (F/F, oral)

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Trying to diversify into writing (F/F, oral)

Postby Decker » Sat Mar 27, 2021 10:19 pm

Hello, all! I've tried my hand at writing fetish fiction before, but this has been the first time in a long while that I've actually seen a story through to completion. I'd like a bit of critique before I add this to my DA or Eka's gallery, if you'd be so kind! Thank you in advance, and I hope you enjoy it. (Also, my apologies for any formatting errors since I'm uploading this from mobile!)

Cookie Store

by Decker

(F/F, oral, implied digestion)

Rhonda was having a very difficult day so far. First, she had overslept and now the half hour she had allotted herself to prepare for the day was now gone. In a flurry of activity she simultaneously pulled up her white khaki work pants over her long, slender legs and wriggled into her balled-up red polo, smoothing out the wrinkles by hand until it (mostly) covered her café au lait midriff. Her stomach responded to this agitation with an impatient growl. Rhonda briefly considered sparing a few moments to snag something to eat, but ultimately rationalized that she would splurge on her lunch break to make up for it. Pulling her shoulder-length into a sensible ponytail, she grabbed her car keys and sprinted out the door. Second, she'd been put in the unenviable position of closing down the shop tonight only to open it again the following morning. While she liked the job itself well enough, she didn't relish the prospect of spending most of her waking hours selling overpriced cookies in a nearly-abandoned wing of a failing shopping mall. Third, it was only after she'd arrived at work that she discovered she'd left her purse at home. Which meant she had no money on her, which meant she couldn't buy anything to eat on her lunch break. Swiping a few cookies for herself wasn't an option, either; she'd personally witnessed her cheapskate boss fire at least three people after discovering they'd been snacking on the products. It didn't matter how little it was, he just somehow knew. Thus Rhonda found herself stressed, starving, and surrounded by delicious sweets but unable to partake of them. As if on cue, her stomach groaned hard enough to cause Rhonda a wincing pain, and she began softly stroking it in a futile attempt to calm the rumbling beast within. She sighed dejectedly and laid her head on the counter in resignation of her fate, wishing with all her might that the universe would take pity on her and just give her something, anything, to eat.

"Um… Hello?"

Rhonda snapped out of her self-pity, embarrassed that she'd let a customer sneak up on her like that. Injecting as much fake cheeriness into her voice as she could muster, Rhonda issued her standard greeting.

"Hello, welcome to Mrs. Chips! How can I satisfy your sweet tooth today?"

The customer raised a bemused eyebrow. "Uh, my name's Valerie, and I'm actually here to ask about a job?" She pointed at the HELP WANTED sign on the far end of the counter; a sign that, as far as Rhonda knew, had been in place ever since the store had opened years ago. "If it's a bad time, I can just go."

"No! No, it's fine," Rhonda interjected, grateful for the break in her normal routine. "It's been pretty slow today, so we can do this now. Come on in!" She unlatched the gate next to the display case and held it open as Valerie stepped in.

Valerie stood just a few inches shorter than Rhonda with curly, strawberry blonde hair cascading down to her shoulders. It was clear that she hadn't dressed to impress anyone; her idea of job-seeking attire was apparently sneakers, relaxed-fit jeans, and a black t-shirt--the word Blessed written in silver glitter over the chest--topped with a light pink jacket. From what Rhonda could see, Blessed appeared to be quite an understatement. She had long considered her own 34C's to be just a touch too big and unwieldy for her liking, but she may as well have had mosquito bites when compared to Valerie. Their shape suggested they were barely being restrained by a bra at least two cup sizes too small, the massive mounds spilling out over the top and straining at the black fabric. Rhonda genuinely wondered if Valerie was capable of zipping her jacket closed.

Rhonda set out the sign explaining that Mrs. Chips will be back in a jiffy! and led Valerie to the back of the store. "Back" was a generous term; beyond the bright and colorful storefront and display case, this Mrs. Chips location consisted of a single narrow walkway that zig-zagged between racks of soda fountain boxes and industrial ovens. They came at last to the office, which consisted of two sagging plastic chairs, a computer at least ten years out of date, and a dozen or so haphazard piles of paperwork.

They each took a seat and made some small talk for a while before Rhonda began what could charitably be called a job interview. Though she asked all the right questions, Valerie's responses went in one ear and out the other as Rhonda's hunger tormented her from the inside out. Her raging stomach was all too eager to remind her that she had promised to fill it after so cruelly neglecting it this morning. She visualized it as a tiny pink monster on her shoulder, a cartoonish pudgy little goblin stomping its feet and whining incessantly in her ear. She mentally chastised the stomach goblin, rationalizing to it and herself just why her situation was hopeless. I don’t have any money on me, do you? So buying lunch is out of the question. Can’t steal anything, because then I’ll get fired, and THEN how are you going to eat? The stomach goblin growled, clearly unimpressed with its master’s excuses. Rhonda rolled her eyes, and found her gaze drawn involuntarily to Valerie’s glittery Blessed chest. She scoffed. I bet THOSE would fill you up, you little… Rhonda felt her train of thought abruptly derail. Her stomach goblin fell silent. Then, above its tiny head, a tiny lightbulb appeared.

Before today, Rhonda had never once entertained the thought of eating anybody. It wasn't even some secret, dark fantasy of hers. But here and now, with Valerie blathering on about her employment history and her own stomach groaning in unfilled agony, Rhonda suddenly became aware of two facts at the exact same time: Not only could she eat Valerie, but she desperately wanted to.

As if in a dream, Rhonda suddenly found herself seated at the head of a long, empty banquet table. Her stomach goblin waddled in, now standing about three feet tall, wearing a bow tie and carrying a comically oversized covered silver platter. It gingerly laid the platter on the table before her, then gracefully danced behind her chair and gently placed a silken bib around her neck. She looked down at it, only to find a caricature of Valerie grinning and winking up at her. Embroidered beneath it in glittering silver was the phrase "How can I satisfy your sweet tooth today?" The stomach goblin pirouetted back into view, and removed the cover from the platter with a flourish. Unsurprisingly, Valerie was revealed kneeling on the platter in the same position as a lūʻau pig, nude except for strategically placed (and very generous) servings of hot fudge and marshmallow whip. Instead of an apple she held a chocolate chip cookie in her mouth, which she took a bite of while dropping Rhonda a playful wink.

Rhonda's stomach goblin easily lifted the Valerie dish with one stubby hand. With the other it first pointed at Rhonda, then its own maw as it opened its jaws impossibly wide. Rhonda complied with the unspoken request and opened her mouth as wide as she could, her slightly protruding tongue dripping with anticipation. "Aaaaaahhhh~!"

Valerie reached out, took a firm hold of Rhonda's teeth, and pulled her entire top half into the waiting mouth before her. Rhonda couldn't help herself but to let out an ecstatic moan as her eager tongue lapped at the marshmallow whip that covered Valerie's ample breasts. The flavors commingled and amplified one another, driving Rhonda into a ravenous gulping spree. Valerie slithered further into Rhonda's gullet with each frenzied swallow until at last her wiggling toes disappeared past Rhonda's lips and down her throat.

Satisfied at last, with alternating swaths of toppings and saliva running down her chin, Rhonda sighed in contentment and leaned back in her chair. Her belly had ballooned outward, pushing her away from the banquet table, and now sat between her legs like an enormous coffee-colored globe. She could feel Valerie's every minute shift as the stomach walls squeezed and churned around her while it happily gurgled away. Rhonda untied her bib and gently dabbed the mess from her face with it, smiling at just how lucky she was that such an exquisite treat had just happened to fall into her lap.


"...you hear me? Are you okay?"

"Hahh! Whuah?" Valerie's concerned voice pierced through Rhonda's reverie with the force of a bullet, temporarily robbing her of cogent speech. "Okay? Yes! I… okay!"

"You sure?" Valerie again raised an incredulous eyebrow, this time with a slight smirk in tow. "You're kinda drooling, you know."

Rhonda immediately wiped at her own face, and when she indeed felt moisture there her cheeks began to flush. "I'm so sorry! I was thinking about… my lunch break!"

"Riiight." Valerie gave her a nod and a knowing wink, unintentionally mirroring the bib Rhonda had worn in her daydream. She stood and arched her back in a stretch, thrusting her prodigious chest towards Rhonda. "I guess we could go get some 'lunch' then, hmm?"

Rhonda blinked in confusion, her face mere inches away from being squashed into Valerie's Blessed endowments. "Uhhm…"

Valerie grinned, apparently mistaking her confusion for shyness. "I'm not usually into chicks, but when somebody's literally drooling over my tits I take it as a compliment. Plus, you're pretty cute. But this," she gestured at the cramped environment, "doesn't really seem like the best place for having some fun, you know?"

The sudden realization practically slapped Rhonda in the face. She thinks I'm into her! Though stunned and more than a little amused at how badly Valerie had misjudged her attention, Rhonda hurriedly considered her situation. Was it merely a coincidence that Valerie had appeared right after she had begged for some higher power to send her something to eat? Her daydream had mostly fallen away by now, but it had felt so vivid and lifelike at the time. Was it just an errant fantasy, or something more? Still grappling with these questions, she stood and sauntered on over to Valerie.

Valerie softly gasped as the taller girl quickly closed the distance between them. She bit her bottom lip as she gazed up at Rhonda. "Well, I guess we could make this work if you're that eager…"

Almost without being aware she was doing it, Rhonda grabbed the handle of the oven door behind Valerie and whipped it down. The heavy steel door met Valerie's skull with a muffled thump and she stumbled back two steps before colliding with the oven proper. Her eyes, already welling up with tears, met Rhonda's for an instant before they fluttered closed and she collapsed to the ground.

Rhonda instinctively covered her face in shock, then slowly peeked out through her fingers. She could see Valerie breathing, but she had clearly been knocked out cold. She anxiously bit her lip, her mind racing. She could still turn back, she realized. All I have to say was that I slipped and accidentally grabbed the oven door handle! That makes sense, right? Then once she wakes up she can go on her merry way and we can forget this whole thing! But as she gazed down at Valerie's prone form (lingering hungrily on that Blessed chest) her belly roared once imore and the issue was decided; Valerie wasn't going anywhere except into Rhonda's stomach.

Kneeling down next to the prone form, Rhonda quickly peeled off Valerie's pink jacket and Blessed shirt but paused as she beheld the overflowing contents of her little white bra. For a moment she considered leaving it on as a token of decency before remembering that modesty would be the least of Valerie's concerns where she was going. She tugged the overworked bra off quite easily, and as Valerie's rather ample assets spilled free Rhonda felt a touch of worry. Suppose they got stuck in her throat...? But there was no time to think about such concerns right now. Next came the shoes and socks, tossed haphazardly in a pile. Rhonda struggled for a few moments with positioning Valerie's legs in the cramped space to get her jeans off, and by the time she had pulled them free Valerie was beginning to stir.

Worried that her window of opportunity was closing, Rhonda decided to leave Valerie's panties in place and just get to the main event. She clapped Valerie's hands together, opened her mouth wide, and shoved them into her gullet. She swallowed once, drawing Valerie's arms into her throat and smooshing her face against Rhonda's ever-widening lips. Rhonda coaxed a bit more stretching out of her jaw muscles and swallowed a second time. Valerie slipped deeper in, her head and shoulders now just above the esophagus that had already consumed her arms, but her forward motion was abruptly halted as her gigantic tits smacked into Rhonda's lower jaw.

Realizing that she still had no real contingency plan if she couldn't cram Valerie's melons down her throat, Rhonda nevertheless grabbed hold of them and began to oh-so-gently squeeze and knead the soft, sensitive mounds of flesh past her lips. While she had thought she had mentally prepared herself for the awkwardness of this eventuality, she was decidedly not prepared for the half-conscious moan of pleasure coming from Valerie as her nipples stiffened under Rhonda's groping fingers.

Suddenly, Valerie's whole body jerked as if in response to the stimulating touch. Rhona paused, silently praying that Valerie hadn't woken up yet. An instant later she heard (or felt, rather) a muffled cry of "Whugh uh fugk?!" from inside her mouth, which Rhonda guessed was an appropriate way to announce that you've woken up to find yourself mostly naked and being sucked down a stranger's throat. Valerie began thrashing wildly, her kicking feet searching desperately for something to latch onto to pull herself out. Seeing this, Rhonda abandoned any semblance of gentleness and started shoving Valerie's bountiful breasts into her stretched and aching jaws as if attempting to ingest them through sheer force of will. Once she'd finally stuffed them into her mouth Rhonda swallowed again. Valerie's head followed her arms into the throat below, further muffling her protests. Her breasts dragged heavily over Rhonda's tongue (the taste of which, Rhonda noted with a sense of disappointment, was pleasant enough but a far cry from the pillowy marshmallows she had imagined they'd be) and slid right to the precipice of her throat.

This was it. The moment of truth. Valerie's struggling made it all but impossible for Rhonda to lift her high enough for gravity to assist, so she instead braced her arms and legs against the oven and neighboring wall, relaxed her throat muscles as much as the situation would allow, and gulped as hard as she could.

The results were immediate and spectacular. Valerie's huge tits, despite seeming like such an insurmountable obstacle just moments ago, disappeared into Rhonda's throat with an audible pop! sound and began to smoothly descend. Her bare stomach practically glided over Rhonda's glistening tongue and her hips now wedged themselves at the entrance of the maw. Valerie's still-covered ass, though formidable in its own right, posed much less of a challenge to Rhonda's overtaxed jaws than her giant boobs had; Rhonda firmly clasped a cheek in each hand (prompting an amusingly indignant yelp to echo out from somewhere deep within her abdomen) and shoved, hard. Valerie's posterior, panties and all, easily slid into Rhonda's mouth and drove Valerie further down her swollen throat. Rhonda felt a frantic pounding in her stomach as Valerie's form started to enter it. Fortunately, the hard parts were already over. Still kneeling down, Rhonda tilted her face skyward and let gravity take over as Valerie's wildly kicking legs slid slowly down her throat. At the same time Rhonda's stomach swelled outward, easily pushing up her job-approved red polo shirt and just as easily snapping the button off of her job-approved white khaki pants.

Rhonda watched delightedly as the pale, slender legs jutting up from her mouth gradually descended from view with each leisurely swallow she took until at last she slurped up Valerie’s twitching feet. Recoiling a bit at their somewhat gamey taste, Rhonda nevertheless smiled as she made a final, triumphant gulp that sent the last of Valerie down into her waiting belly. She sighed heavily as her stomach expanded to its final size, a gesture of both relief and contentment. Gingerly, she stroked the gargantuan ebony globe that was her stomach and then gasped in surprise as the touch was mirrored by Valerie from the inside… though much, much more aggressively. Rhonda could also hear a great deal of shouting coming from her unwilling meal, and while her exact words were too muffled to make out, Valerie's tone made it very clear that she was not happy with her new accommodations.

Belatedly, Rhonda realized another fact she hadn’t taken into account before this little adventure: Valerie would probably not take being eaten very well, and she frankly had no idea if she could successfully keep a struggling woman inside her stomach. In fact, almost as if it had been summoned by the thought, she began to feel a slight tickle in the base of her throat that quickly began to rise. Rhonda clapped her hands over her mouth but soon realized the gesture was futile. Whatever was coming up, there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"BwuuuuUUUUUURRRRPPPPP!"

An ear-ringing belch, amplified by the narrow confines of the store's interior, knocked Rhonda's hands away with a wet splat. She sat for a moment, so stunned by its force that she almost failed to notice Valerie's thrashing getting weaker once most of the oxygen that had gone down with her had been expelled. Her swollen stomach jiggled once… twice… and went still. Rhonda tentatively reached out to touch it again and was surprised to see Valerie's sopping wet panties dangling from her fingers. She flicked them into the discarded pile of clothes and laid both hands on her trembling belly. The shouting and struggling were gone, replaced by the low groans and gurgles that signalled the onset of a very lengthy digestion.

Satisfied that there were no further crises to deal with, Rhonda took stock of her situation. There was no way she was going to be able to squeeze her way back to the front of the store, let alone into her car to get home. However, since she just happened to be scheduled to open tomorrow…

"Screw it," she yawned, settling against the oven. "I'll just sleep here tonight and deal with everything else in the morning." She was reasonably certain she could take care of any incriminating evidence before anyone else came in, and that her coworkers were far too wrapped up in themselves to even notice her bigger belly, let alone question it. But if they did? Well… Rhonda giggled as she gently traced a line from her chin, down her neck, over her chest and ending at her happily churning stomach. She could always show them exactly how it had happened.
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Re: Trying to diversify into writing (F/F, oral)

Postby TW » Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:26 am

That was very, very satisfying. Well written and good pacing. I enjoyed it. Would love to see what those blessed orbs did to her own when she awakens. :) Hope to see more from you.
I love bellies! Round, Soft, hard, Prey filled, food filled, Inflated, or Pregnancy, so long as it is big and round. :)

I am a maieusophile are you?

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Re: Trying to diversify into writing (F/F, oral)

Postby Ilove » Mon Mar 29, 2021 5:18 pm

It shows you have wrote before, a really good read :D

The idea of the belly goblin, as well as the banquet were quite fun and gave Rhonda quite the personality.
Overall solid story! You should really think of uploading this stuff on your gallery ;)

Now, since there's no much to point out, I could make some suggestions:

It may be fun to see the boss come back and see Rhonda struggle with that, maybe making a smug comment about the newcomer
A thing, depending on my tastes, is that I like some interaction between pred and prey even after the swallowing happened. such a quick digestion sounds a little off to me. But again, my taste, not wrong in the slightest

A really little thing, check for possible mistakes and repetitions, one I noticed was in this sentence - "First, she had overslept and now the half hour she had allotted herself to prepare for the day was now gone" - where you repeated the word "now". Other than that, seems like a really solid work, congrats :D
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Re: Trying to diversify into writing (F/F, oral)

Postby Decker » Wed Mar 31, 2021 8:37 pm

TW wrote:That was very, very satisfying. Well written and good pacing. I enjoyed it. Would love to see what those blessed orbs did to her own when she awakens. :) Hope to see more from you.

Thank you, I hope to write more! :D

Ilove wrote:It shows you have wrote before, a really good read :D

The idea of the belly goblin, as well as the banquet were quite fun and gave Rhonda quite the personality.
Overall solid story! You should really think of uploading this stuff on your gallery ;)

Now, since there's no much to point out, I could make some suggestions:

It may be fun to see the boss come back and see Rhonda struggle with that, maybe making a smug comment about the newcomer
A thing, depending on my tastes, is that I like some interaction between pred and prey even after the swallowing happened. such a quick digestion sounds a little off to me. But again, my taste, not wrong in the slightest

A really little thing, check for possible mistakes and repetitions, one I noticed was in this sentence - "First, she had overslept and now the half hour she had allotted herself to prepare for the day was now gone" - where you repeated the word "now". Other than that, seems like a really solid work, congrats :D

Dang it, I tried to cut out any instances of repetition but it looks like that one slipped by me. Thank you for the suggestions! :-D
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Re: Trying to diversify into writing (F/F, oral)

Postby Matteo42 » Thu Apr 01, 2021 3:05 pm

Yeah this is great!
I suggest you PM Eka to get yourself a gallery, so you can upload it onto there, since it's actually a really good read!
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