Potential Story

[LostCourtyard]

So I've begun writing a story and wanted peoples opinion on it. as much as I don't mind it being a long winded written story I do plan on making it into a drawn out comic or little animated series type deal but I first need to see if anyone has interest in the plot so here is a small piece of my work.

VOREacious Vixens *Disclaimer everyone in this story is 18+*

It’s the mid 1900’s when the mob was at its biggest our characters are a father and son who runs the mob they are “walking home” one night and they see what they think is a shooting star land in one a building so they go investigate bc the dad thinks it’s one of there “business” buildings when they get there they see a whole in the ceiling and a ship on the floor inside a cage as they stand there in awe they see figures leave the ship and run towards the cage slamming against it trying to grab them but to no avail and then the queen of the people tells her people to calm down and she emerges from the ship the father and son see the queen emerge from her ship her presence alone is enough to make her people kneel and obey without hesitation and behind her is another one of her people this one being younger could this be there princess? The queen slowly walks to the edge of the cage and ask what is going on and why they are in a cage the father answered with a snarky remark “hey how should I know you crashed through my building” the other women look in awe as they hear this nobody speak to there queen in such a way the queen simply asked what’s your name “cliche name incoming” Giovanni he added and this is my son Vinnie one more thing I run this town so don’t you try anything funny got it she simply laughs and returned to her ship to grab the girl that was hiding behind her earlier and returned to where Giovanni was I am the Queen of the Vixens but you can call me Valentine and this is my Daughter Princess Alara. Vinnie and Alara lock eyes and stare at each other intensely as they do Giovanni ask Queen Valentine What brings you to my planet this some kind or alien invasion or something she replied in a stern but Sorrow filled voice no we had to escape our planet we were invaded and hunted/taken from our home so I grabbed as many of my people as I could and retreated to the closest planet we could which just so happened to be yours Giovanni with a slight change in his voice I know how that feels this isn’t my first time being chased down by someone “what do you mean” Valentine asked, you see I run a very lucrative business that spans all over this town and then some and ever since Vinnies mom passed may her soul rest easy recently somebody’s been trying to overthrow me by turning my own people against me if it was just me I’d take them head on but it’s not I have to look out for my son to so we came here to hide until some of my trusted men arrived.

I know there's no mention of Vore in the story so far but like i said this is a small piece of it

[VoidInVoid]

If you do keep it in purely written form, I would suggest adding some punctuation to make the story easier for the reader, but since you intend on turning this proof of concept into another medium, I suppose it doesn't matter as long as you can understand the plot. I would say that controlling the pacing would benefit the story, and adding character details/backstory would make for engaging dynamics between the four you currently have. Of course, since your theorized examples are of a comic or animated medium, you can fit a lot of detail into an image, so narration/exposition wouldn't be as necessary. We've all been there with regards to wanting to rush through the fluff to get to the juicy action, even/especially as the ones who create it. In the end, however, it's your story and doing what brings you the most satisfactory is the utmost importance. Create what you want to make, what you think the site could use more of.

[LostCourtyard]

As of now I am keeping it in written form. This was a rough draft but I do agree punctuation would be helpful as I plan on doing that, I don't want to rush through this I want to make it something special i plan on taking the appropriate time to make it the best i can make it at least. I appreciate your feedback hopefully ill have more of the story fulfilled soon

[NightRoller]

I wanted to note really quick that you might reconsider your title... I've seen "voracious vixens" (or some permutation of that) a couple times already for the title of literature pieces in the vore community.
Not to say it's a bad title, but in my opinion it's overused and under-descriptive about what your story will actually contain.
Basically, your story will likely stand out better with a different title. If you're wanting examples of titles that are good in my opinion, you might consider taking a look at my last 4-7 stories uploaded here.

[LostCourtyard]

I will take that into consideration thank you