Looking for feedback on writing

[SkinnyMunching]

I've recently gotten started on writing vore, writing in general is a new hobby for me and as much as I'm having fun I haven't gotten much feedback or much attention in general. My work fo far has been fairly long winded and I'm not sure if it has been too much for some people.

I've attached some of my work so far and I'm interested to know what people think of it, I've shared with some friends and they enjoyed it as far as I know but they don't have any interest in vore and so might not be the best judges.

These are F/F same size vore involving lesbianism and sex and I try to make the stories quite character driven if that sounds like something you'd enjoy give them a look.

Gallery here: https://aryion.com/g4/gallery/SkinnyMunching

[GastricAztec]

Can you describe what kind of vore it is? Is it F/m, or M/f? Is it same size, or Macro/Micro? There are a lot of different variations that different people are into.

[SkinnyMunching]

Can you describe what kind of vore it is? Is it F/m, or M/f? Is it same size, or Macro/Micro? There are a lot of different variations that different people are into.

Sorry of course! I've updated the initial post with that info, let me know if there's anything else I should specify!

[Relarity]

Thanks for sharing your work. It's always nice to see more contributions, especially written ones, to the community! I should note I primarily do artwork but I enjoy writing and consider it a hobby as well. You can find a story I've written recently here: https://aryion.com/g4/view/928110 (In the event you'd like to see if it's even worth listening to my advice).

First and foremost, always proofread. Read it aloud to yourself (even if it's just in a whisper) to see if things flow. You may find the need to change up some language or add a comma. No worries! That's why you do it. It can feels tedious and unnecessary, but I sincerely recommend doing it.
I read your "On the Train" piece and enjoyed the content! It's a nice premise and a lovely first work, but I believe there's potential with your future pieces.
One thing that stuck out to me was the wordiness of the sentences. Not all of them, but a few felt long winded, like "Clara felt guilty that she had ended up with her luggage occupying the seat next to her by the window, the shelves were all full so really she had no choice but on the other hand she also couldn’t believe her luck because stood in front of her was a woman with an absolutely incredible ass."
Feel free to use commas or break things apart. While the content is nice and it gets the message across, it's tough to read.

Also, dialogue! Formatting it is weird, I know, but you'll get used to it the more you do it. Here's a guide (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pAF ... sp=sharing) to it by a wonderful writer on FA known as "Mahlzeit". It includes more technical information and simple punctuation that'll keep with modern writing conventions. You certainly don't have to use it (it's a lot!) but I recommend at least looking up how to structure dialogue. I think it'll help.

Funnily enough, Mahlzeit also has a "Tips and Tricks" document that I found particularly useful right here (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IAe ... sp=sharing). I found it helpful, and you might too. Up to you.

Back your work, there were some ways to make phrasing sound a bit better. For example, one sentence you had said "... this cheeky little bitch is laughing to herself..." when you could alter it to say "...this cheeky little bitch laughed to herself...".

I could say a but more, but those guides I linked are wonderful. I find I learn more looking through my own work and comparing it to other folks than I do just going through my own works. Give other works a read and see what they do differently. How do you compare?

I'm by no means an expert, but I figure this info might be helpful. Best of luck with your writing and take care! (Contrary to what I said, I didn't proofread this, so if there's a mistake I apologize ^^)

[SkinnyMunching]

Thanks for the help I'll check through the resources linked, I had some friends reading through but I suspected there would be some things that got past myself and them. I may go back through and do some editing over the aspects you highlighted and update the uploaded files when I'm done.

Thanks again for the response, I'm glad to have had some real feedback from someone else who's involved in this hobby!

[BlackWidow552]

Also, dialogue! Formatting it is weird, I know, but you'll get used to it the more you do it. Here's a guide (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pAF ... sp=sharing) to it by a wonderful writer on FA known as "Mahlzeit". It includes more technical information and simple punctuation that'll keep with modern writing conventions. You certainly don't have to use it (it's a lot!) but I recommend at least looking up how to structure dialogue. I think it'll help.

Funnily enough, Mahlzeit also has a "Tips and Tricks" document that I found particularly useful right here (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IAe ... sp=sharing). I found it helpful, and you might too. Up to you.

Thank very much for these links, I've been looking to improve dialogue and with stretching out the backstory, these two documents you listed will help me a great deal to improve even more. Much appreciated, if you happen to know of any others I would be grateful if you could link them.