A Story I've written. Now with an image!

[Hollow101]

Hello everyone! I just happen to write a story it contains F/Snake and F/F and would like some constructive advice, and If some one could please explain how a can upload material in my gallery, and to not just upload downloadable files here I would appreciate it greatly. If anyone wants to Illustrate it they are welcome, and I may do so myself at a later time. I tend to criticize my drawing more so than my writing hahaha. Anyway let me know what you all think.

[Marked]

As for the story, it's nice for a first time writer. I'm guessing English might not be your first language so I think that would be the first thing to work on. That said, I could follow the story for the most part, although there were a few points where it wasn't clear what position the characters were in.

As for posting to a gallery, please read the site FAQ here, then email a site admin asking for gallery permission.

[Hollow101]

Thanks! English is my first language actually hahaha, but I'm not an avid writer. I actually wrote this on my phone's memo pad at 4-6 a.m. while I couldn't sleep. Was it mostly the dialog, description, grammar, or a combination of them?

[Groblek]

Hi, thanks for sharing the story with us! It was a fun read.

Marked has you covered as far as gallery information goes. As for the story, I'd say it could use improvement in a combination of the above, but mostly the description and formatting. I felt that the dialogue was a pretty good fit for the story you were telling. If you want a detailed critique, drop me a line at [email protected] and I'd be glad to give one. Whether you do or not, I hope you keep writing!

[Hollow101]

Hello everyone, after some very useful feed-back from Marked and Groblek I have re-written my story and would like to share the revised version. Sorry it has taken so long I've been busy after just recently jumping back in college. Anyway I have also completed a quick sketch in a note book I found in my basement for you all as well. Once again feed-back is welcome, however, I already know that the shadows aren't perfect, and I'm not the best with hands, feet, or faces *hahaha*. I may do commissions down the road if anyone wants one,but that may be awhile from now because my life is starting to get busy again. Anyway please enjoy!