A New Drone (bee-girl, F/F)

[SmokyKisses]

Something I wrote on the back of my current bee-girl fetish. Had quite a lot of fun writing this one up...a bit too much at one point.

Contains: F/F only, unbirthing, transformation, non-con to willing, sex, breastfeeding, masturbation.

A New Drone.rtf

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[vore2412]

Though I can definitely tell how much you took from Milia Wars to bring into your story, you did a very good job that I can tell of conveying that in your story. Kudos to you.

[dreamweevil]

That was nice! I like transformation stories, and that point in a story where a human has to face up to a much stronger female.

It shouldn't be possible to have "too much" fun writing a story. You should enjoy that process-- if you aren't intrigued by your own story, your readers probably won't be, either. When that inspiration hits you should just write without restraint-- don't censor yourself and just let the ideas flow. The trick, however, is to sit on the story (or chapter) for a while and re-read it. You'll catch inconsistencies, repeated elements or phrases, and things that happen in the wrong sequence or that defy explanation. You'll have some series of events A->B->C and realize that the characters in situation A have no reason to detour to B on their way to C. You didn't have many of those issues here; the story is pretty clean. As constructive criticism I'll offer a few optional pointers...

Spoiler: show

• The sequence of events when Clara is abducted seems off. It missed a key dramatic moment-- when the bee girls holding Clara first start flapping their wings and lift Clara's feet from the ground. She's high in the sky before the bee girls start to "fly through the air".
• Do bee-girls have stingers? Wouldn't they threaten to use them in order to keep their humans in line?
• An awful lot of huge breasts that don't seem to play a part here. A creature that depends on flying wouldn't want to carry around more weight than she had to.
• Inside the queen's body, Clara is surrounded by "honey", is almost immediately expelled from the queen's body, and almost instantly emerges from her "egg" (made of honey?) Nature likes simplicity: if you're going to trap Clara inside the queen's womb, things are going to happen to her while inside (certainly some time will pass). If you're going to trap Clara inside an egg, then it won't hatch immediately after the egg is laid (that would just be a live birth). She'd be struggling as the first bee-girl transformation takes hold of her.
• It probably would have been equally interesting to model this more like real bees: the workers either paralyze Clara with a sting or otherwise secure her into a cell: the queen backs into the cell and lays a huge wet, sticky egg atop Clara. Then the workers seal the cell until Clara has been transformed into a bee-girl larva.
• We'd see more of the various work going on inside the colony-- previous human captives in their larval stages being tended by workers, etc.
• Would Clara run into anyone she knew before? Wouldn't some of the bee-girls be Clara's former neighbors? (Perhaps not, if it's a young colony and Clara's town has never been attacked before.
• In bee colonies, the "drones" are males, which aren't present in this story. The bee girls, other than the queen, would be "workers".
• Future story possibility: At some point, this colony will select one of the larva to become a new queen.

Thanks for sharing your work!
dw

How does Clara feel during her

[Groblek]

Ooh, fun! Thanks for sharing this one, and I hope you keep writing!