New Member, New Story (Warning-underage)

[Darian]

Hey, finnaly decided to de-lurk and actually start contributing to this community.

I kinda wrote this as like my official first piece. I've never actually shared any of my work like this so any construtive critisism would be nice.
tell me what you think.

[Baz]

Seeing as you didn't say it (And because of this I spent about five minutes gibbering before I could get my flashback under control) I'll say this for everyone else.

WARNING- UNDERAGE CONTENT

[Darian]

Aw crap!
I'm am so sorry man.
I just changed it, but I don't know how to move it to the other forum.

[Darian]

Just because I'm new here,
exactly how long should one expect to wait for a response?
I'm just a little jittery, this being my first time and all.

[okc_ohno]

Give it a bit of time... this place gets busy at night

[Darian]

Ah thanks.
Your siggy describes my situation very well:).

[UB-Dingaling]

Absolutely brilliant, and don't worry by tomorrow this thread will be 'bulging' with comments

[bubbles]

wow i just read the whole thing and iv read alot of stories trying to find good ones and i have to say that is among my top 3 id love to see a sequal but thats up to u ur the writer not me but still VERY GOOD JOB

[Radijs]

Nice story. I should get back to writing myself.


Just one little thing, Neko cubs is a bit off when you're using european names for everything else. Neko is Japanese for cat. So you may want to call them kittens instead.

[SyH]

i loved it

[gamdann]

Very nice story bud, I've always had a thing for female centuar preds and any kind of non-lethal vore.

[Darian]

Thanks for the Neko Cub thing Radjis. And you're too kind Bubbles. Gamdann, a-lot of the stories you've requested were a bit of inspiration to me, glad you like mine.

[bubbles]

not at all id say more but unfortunutly i dont know any other way to express my graditude without apearing like a drolling fan...although u may make me one eventully

[Groblek]

Well done. I encourage you to continue writing.

[Phantelle]

That was such a cuuuuute story! I love how you portray the lady centaur's emotional conflict and the girl's feelings, and how skillfully you change between one perspective to another.

My only suggestion is to show more and tell less. (The same advice that every writer here, including me, would benefit from, LOL.) It makes stories longer but more involved and more fascinating - telling us that it crushes our heroine not to be able to have young isn't quite as effective as showing the emotional devastation.

But please, by all means write more!

[Cryptrat]

Interestering! I am in complete agreement with Phantelle.

[t4capt]

very good must have more

[Baz]

I'd like to see what you do with two adult characters. Especially if on of them's a taur!

[Darian]

Hmmm. I think I get what you mean Phantelle. I'll try to expand more in later stories. Thanks.

[hio45]

awe, this story is just to nice.