by eatme1234 » Thu Apr 05, 2018 11:07 am
Well here I am, to talk about raadd... (with this message which took me 2 days to finally decide to publish...) It would appear that raadd has once again entered that state, like a comet stuck in orbit with a black hole, stuck in the middle of being in hiatus and being worked on. At this point, I don't know what I could possibly say about raadd, it's been what... two years since anything has happened with it (well more so since I've done anything on it, other members have done some work on it). And unlike the last couple of times, my time on the computer wasn't limited by anyone/anything either, frankly there's no excuse I can say to explain why I haven't been on the forums for quite some time. If I were to release an update now, it would only contain a couple bug fixes, a succubus and a still uncompleted Krystal boss. I just can't seem to get enough motivation to work on raadd, and this isn't the first time it has happened. I remember back when there was a point where I could work on raadd 6 hours straight, and not even know that many hours had passed until I would look at the time. Nowadays barely 30 minutes in and I end up doing anything BUT work on the game (like finding random YouTube videos to play (and i mean random), etc). I've regressed to somewhat of a lurker on the forums, just watching in the background as staff and other members of the community try to answer questions about raadd to the best of their abilities, questions that I as a leader (if i can even call myself that) should have been answering.
As I've said before, raadd wasn't my first game, but it was the first that that I published (who would have thought my first game would be fetish oriented). There are many other projects that I've had that I've abandoned or gave up on. My family never really supported my game development, I kind of motivated myself todo it. One time I even made a game with them as the main characters, and asked several times for them to play it, or at most see the game, all of which they declined. Eventually my laptop failed and that game never saw the light of day (along with a few other games). That event (along with various other events I won't get into detail) caused me to lose all my ambition. I'm the only guy I know that walks across the stage and get my diploma with a straight face, despite being selected along with a group of 100 students to graduate from a new "Middle College" (Pretty much it was taking high school classes and college classes at the same time) as if it was just something that was normal, and yet feel joy looking at the raadd forums and everyone's opinions (the good, the bad, and the bug reports), even though a vast majority of the people here I don't even know. Why I'm saying all of this...? Well I have a theory as to why I am determined to continue raadd and not let it die. If feel that releasing raadd and seeing the responses I received made me feel like I actually belonged for once, or more so that my work was actually appreciated, which sparked what hidden ambition I had. I know I released shrunkcraft before this, but it felt different. Unlike raadd, shrunkcraft was just a modification to minecraft using a scripting plugin. With raadd, it was it's own game, it was built up from the ground up, which is a better feeling. One half of my mind wishes to continue raadd, and continue it to as far as it can go. But at the same time, the other side of my mind (the side without ambition) just wishes for me to just give it up, and just stop working on it completely. I don't want the "lacking ambition" side of me win, as it's not a trait that anyone should have. The "Lacking ambition" side of me I'd like to get rid of, but it's quite the challenge todo so. Nothing makes me more upset than to just constantly stall to the point where people think I just vanished off the face of the earth. I'm no psychiatrist, so for all I know this may just be an incorrect guess... (I could just be suffering from an extreme case of writer's block)
TL;DR
The engines of production are at a constant stop and go, but I feel that the stopping is becoming less frequent. Perhaps constant burnout was the reason why one day i could spend 7 hours working on the game and the next few days not spend any. It's not anyone's fault but my own, even I don't think my parents are at fault. What I can tell you for raadd is that apart from Krystal being nearly completed, we have 1 new enemy planned, 1 new boss, and miniboss getting currently redone (sprites, attacks and everything). There is no estimated date of release for any of these, but be assured that I will publish an update and not make tritrium's (or anyone else who has contributed something) work go-to waste. I am also working on another vore game project (with rpg maker mv, similiar to "Shrinking Fun"), which is something I tried to-do to take my mind off raadd for a bit. That project will be secondary, meaning I'll work (or attempt to work) on raadd related content first before working on that. Once again I am sorry for not posting in a long while, and I hope that you all can bear with me as I fight back for my ambition.