Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
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This section is for any artist, writer, animator, or any form of creation to share their work in order to receive comment to improve themselves better.
Read the rules in detail here
Read the Critiquing suggestion here
Please open only one thread per person. Detail here.
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Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
This is a story I wrote for a contest on deviantart. It's been a really long time since I wrote anything and my first time writing anything like this, so constructive criticism is welcome, especially in the grammar department. It's way too long to post it as text in this so I'll just leave it as a pdf. Just a heads up, it's about Jinx from League of Legends, not the one from Teen Titans.
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- JinxeatsaCupcake.pdf
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OpenLive00 - New to the forum
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- Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:19 pm
Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
This was great and I'd like to see more from you. I might come back to this thread to give you constructive criticism on the piece, but for now with my limited time, I just wanted you to at least receive some encouragement.
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Assimilation - Advanced Vorarephile
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- Joined: Mon May 07, 2007 11:00 pm
Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
Thanks! I might do a follow up to this if I get enough encouragement or if I just get that writing bug again.Assimilation wrote:This was great and I'd like to see more from you. I might come back to this thread to give you constructive criticism on the piece, but for now with my limited time, I just wanted you to at least receive some encouragement.
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OpenLive00 - New to the forum
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- Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:19 pm
Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
That was a pretty nice story. A bit long for me but don't worry, I have a short attention span.
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Kitsouille - ???
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Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
Kitsouille wrote:That was a pretty nice story. A bit long for me but don't worry, I have a short attention span.
Thanks for the feedback! It did end up being a lot longer than I realized. I wasn't paying attention to the word count, just writing what came to mind, but I didn't realize it was over 5,000 words. I'll see about keeping it shorter next time.
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OpenLive00 - New to the forum
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- Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:19 pm
Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
Very nice story, I really enjoyed it. Big fan of League and I don't think there's enough vorish content with it. Grammar wise, careful about switching between past and present tense and I saw a few words out of place, but on a whole it looks fine.
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Tyslan03 - Participator
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- Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2007 12:00 am
Re: Jinx Eats a Cupcake [Story]
Tyslan03 wrote:Very nice story, I really enjoyed it. Big fan of League and I don't think there's enough vorish content with it. Grammar wise, careful about switching between past and present tense and I saw a few words out of place, but on a whole it looks fine.
Thanks for you feedback, it's much appreciated! I wrote this on and off over the course of a week so I might have changed the tense once or twice without noticing it. I'll give it another look over this weekend to try and fix that.
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OpenLive00 - New to the forum
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- Joined: Thu Sep 05, 2013 9:19 pm
7 posts
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