I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the plan.

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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Slayerhero90 » Thu Nov 01, 2018 12:55 am

Verilo wrote:
sweetladyamy wrote:
Speedyblupi wrote:...we've seen how supposed "gay conversion therapy" has traumatized hundreds of people...


Same can be said about trans conversion therapy, or forceful religious indoctrination via torture.
Anyone that supports such, deserves merciless retaliation.


So worldly.

People like that deserve forgiveness. You don't return evil with evil.

reserve thy forgiveness 'til the perpetrator seeks it in good faith
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby sweetladyamy » Thu Nov 01, 2018 9:49 am

slayerhero90 wrote:...reserve thy forgiveness until the perpetrator seeks it in good faith...


And only under full sincerity. Question their sudden change of heart, trust only yourself.

Verilo wrote:...don't return evil with evil...


Whomever came up with 'Two wrongs don't make a right' clearly ignore Newton's third Law:
"For every action there is equal and opposing reaction. Going logically by that alone, the retaliation being equal and opposite, is not evil. Going by other factors including the balance equivalence, it is even less morally bankrupt.

Of course, retaliation comes in so many forms, and what I had in mind involves the psyche.

Make them believe they were wrong, make them beg for forgiveness and maybe give it to them.

Something the OP doesn't need for any perceived wrong they may of committed by being aroused by the man eaten by the python.
All is well here.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby VampireBunny » Sun Nov 04, 2018 12:42 am

Speedyblupi wrote:
You're being excessively paranoid about this, and that will only make the problem worse. If you convince yourself that your paraphilia is so awful and that you need to be "cured" of it, it is likely to cause you self-esteem issues or even psychological harm in the long term, as sexual attraction is extremely difficult to impossible to change - we've seen how supposed "gay conversion therapy" has traumatized hundreds of people.


To be fair. While it has been absolutely grueling and useless for the unconsensual participants. Such "conversion therapy" has worked well for those who seek it out on their own and do so willingly.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby MechaSharkZilla » Sun Nov 04, 2018 3:43 am

VampireBunny wrote:To be fair. While it has been absolutely grueling and useless for the unconsensual participants. Such "conversion therapy" has worked well for those who seek it out on their own and do so willingly.

I don't count massively spiked chances of depression and suicide as "working well".
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Postby jaggedjagd » Sun Nov 04, 2018 7:17 am

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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby VampireBunny » Sun Nov 04, 2018 11:19 pm

MechaSharkZilla wrote:I don't count massively spiked chances of depression and suicide as "working well".


That's not true at all of the trends and data of voluntary reparative patients, however, the "LGBT" Mortality rate with suicide is very high on its own.
I should say for clarification I know nothing about Lesbians. All of my studies have been specifically about young male therapeutic patients
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Magnificent » Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:15 am

I have some updates.

First, the minor one. I ended up transferring ownership of my server to some random member of it. They were probably completely confused and dismayed at the sudden responsibility; I wouldn't be surprised at all if they deleted the whole server afterwards just from sheer disinterest. I don't really care about that, especially since I have relatively great news regarding my RP partner.

I told him about how I was feeling as well as some other personal bad things that have been going on in my life as of late that I won't elaborate on here. Anyway, I mentioned all of this under the pretense that my absence will not be a complete withdrawal but just a hiatus. This was not a lie, I do plan to return. He tells not to even worry about him or the RP until everything is completely okay with me and I feel comfortable with returning to it.

It would be hard to express fully just how relieved I was to here this. When I brought up the story with the python and how it affected me and how I view this fetish, I expected a push-back or some sort of denial of my feelings. I was pleasantly surprised to fine that his primary concern was not how this would affect things, or what we'll do going forward, or how this might ruin everything, but rather that I was okay and taking care of what I needed to.

With another person that I've been DMing since not long after my original post, I've come to begin the process of subsiding this looming guilt and shame that has been hanging over me for quite some time. Like the RPer, this individual is also into vore, but his goal has not been to coerce me into fetishdom but rather making sure I'm dealing with these desires appropriately, even if that means doing what some others here have suggested and finding alternative fetishes (I do have an UB story and like constriction on its own) or dropping fetishes all together.

I have to admit that I'm a bit overwhelmed (and maybe underserving) of the amount of love I have received from a variety of sources after expressing the things I have been struggling with. I do feel it a bit pertinent that I apologize for having condemned this fetish in the tone that I now feel was unhelpful, separate from I felt about it and myself at the time. I understand that most people on here are not me and shouldn't be fearfully dragged down to my level of self-loathing because I inadvertently made them feel like monsters.

There is something that I have to address, and it is one of the few things that I refuse to change my mind on. I am completely against any and all forms of misanthropy. You may have been fooled, and understandably so, given that just about everything I've uploaded and half the stuff I've favorited has had human prey. I do not harbor hate for anyone nor do I want anything that I have written about or otherwise submitted or favorited to happen to anyone else either. This is a point that perhaps could have avoided this recent mental breakdown if I had written that everywhere and on every post.

The issue with vore that isn't present in something like BDSM, is that there's no aftercare. You can have both hands around someone's throat during sex, but once everything is set and done, you immediately ask if they're alright and get them anything they need. It's always nice when the dom can be so caring and gentle after, but this would be non-sensical in a fantasy vore digestion scenario. Outside of the python story, maybe that's been the part that's been bothering me for so long.

This post is meandering and unfocused. I went from feeling very down and very critical for several days to have that totally 180 in the last 24 hours. It's also in part to some RL circumstances as well, but the basis is my self-image in relation to this fetish. Outside of logging in to check PMs, I still won't be using this site for the rest of the year, at least. I don't know about vore in general, I think I still need a few more long talks and more self-reflection. I'm more open to it than before, at least I've budged.

If I may ask a favor, I would still like someone on here to acknowledge that I was in the wrong for having had masturbated to the python story. I know not everyone seems to think it was a big deal, but for me, it was one of the worst things I have ever done. It feels odd that no one wants to hold me to it. While I know I'll never do something like that again, part of the healing process has to be someone saying "Yes, what you did was wrong. It's okay to feel guilty about doing that." Let me know that I'm still human guys, don't remove my agency.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Verilo » Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:28 am

I didn't know that you had actually masturbated to the story. I thought you had just gotten some sort of strange tingling in association to what it meant instead of what actually happened.

Yes, that's pretty bad. Matter of fact, that's downright horrible. We should never use the deceased for our sexual gratification under any circumstance. It'd be the same as an inflation fetishist getting off to someone whose stomach ruptured while experimenting with inflation. "They practically popped!" No, they died in a horribly painful way and it's not your place to downplay it for your kink.

Leave the dead alone.

At the same time, it's good that you've continued to put actions to your convictions and haven't taken the easy way out like others around here have suggested and just go back to doing what you were doing before without a second thought. You're learning and developing and part of that is coming to the realization that things need to change and that this change is largely in part to having done wrong up until that point.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby sweetladyamy » Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:32 am

Magnificent wrote:If I may ask a favor, I would still like someone on here to acknowledge that I was in the wrong for having had masturbated to the python story. I know not everyone seems to think it was a big deal, but for me, it was one of the worst things I have ever done. It feels odd that no one wants to hold me to it. While I know I'll never do something like that again, part of the healing process has to be someone saying "Yes, what you did was wrong. It's okay to feel guilty about doing that." Let me know that I'm still human guys, don't remove my agency.


It is okay to feel guilt, but to have any one of us say that it was wrong, especially if any of us disagree, is inhuman. If there is one of us that agrees that what you did was wrong, and they say so (and that is on them to say so), then so it shall be.

Now, do I agree with your assertions? Partially, partially not. Definitely not enough either way to say yes or no, so I'll defer to the next one, so as to not send any mixed signals or bias here. You found something in real life erotic. Guess what? You're not the first, nor will be the last, and it doesn't matter what the subject of objectification was, in that moment, you found yourself in a primal situation, logic and humanity be damned. Fact is, there's way too much to consider in making a 'final judgment', so the best one for that would be you and only you.

Anyway, take your time, go on a fucking vacation or something, do something you've wanted to try but never got the chance to, whatever that may be, or I dunno, experiment with sex toys (seems to always be a worthwhile distraction from those I've talked to).
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Magnificent » Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:48 am

Verilo wrote:Yes, that's pretty bad. Matter of fact, that's downright horrible. We should never use the deceased for our sexual gratification under any circumstance. It'd be the same as an inflation fetishist getting off to someone whose stomach ruptured while experimenting with inflation. "They practically popped!" No, they died in a horribly painful way and it's not your place to downplay it for your kink.

It stings and it burns and the emotional wound is still fresh even after all this time, but oh god have I been longing for someone to say exactly this to me for a long time. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's a complex feeling, perhaps rare. I'm not really sure. Thank you, though. I needed to hear this. I should've made that detail more clear in my original post, about how the incident with me and that story really went down. I've had people in my DMs say stuff like "you couldn't help it" and "it was natural to feel that way". NO! I'm glad you didn't pull a punch here.
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Postby jaggedjagd » Tue Nov 06, 2018 6:06 am

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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Jayezox » Tue Nov 06, 2018 7:03 am

Magnificent wrote:If I may ask a favor, I would still like someone on here to acknowledge that I was in the wrong for having had masturbated to the python story. I know not everyone seems to think it was a big deal, but for me, it was one of the worst things I have ever done. It feels odd that no one wants to hold me to it. While I know I'll never do something like that again, part of the healing process has to be someone saying "Yes, what you did was wrong. It's okay to feel guilty about doing that." Let me know that I'm still human guys, don't remove my agency.

You should feel guilty about it. Something on that level of degeneracy is poisonous for your mind and disrespectful regardless of whether anyone knows about it or not. It reminds me of Eka's members who mention shamelessly fantasize about the neighborhood dog or kid for their own sick pleasure. It's disrespectful toward that real living person or creature and losing respect for them leads toward self centered thinking and not caring for others. I'm not trying to police thoughts when I mention this; I'm trying to be a reality check.

There's a reason I like to keep vore as much of a fantasy as possible and keep real life out of it. I need to keep my conscious in check and I'm sad to see that not everyone can do that. It's even worse when some oppose this line of thinking. Having no morals is just bad for everyone involved.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Magnificent » Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:40 pm

jaggedjagd wrote:So your real fetish is being guilt tripped? Wrong community, buddy.

Oh no, not at all. It feels awful to be ashamed, especially the shame is justified. I had just found it odd that no one wanted to address or admonish that part of the original post. It'd be like if you were in an AA type of setting, and you told everyone there the worst thing you ever did, and all you got in return was a mix of apathy and justifications. I just have to assume that my wording before had made the crime too vague which led to people not fully grasping what had happened. I can't imagine why anyone would excuse it otherwise.

jaggedjagd wrote:In terms of creep factor, I'd rank it one step above writing sexual fiction about real people but still one step below swallowing life mice and shit like that.

I can see how you arrived to that conclusion. I wouldn't do either of those things mentioned. When people write erotica about celebrities and whatnot eating others or getting eaten themselves, I can only imagine how it'd feel for the person being written about to read that sort of thing. In that situation, I'd feel really disturbed and fear for my safety if I was the focus of a story like that, I'd wonder why I was chosen to be unwillingly attached to a fantasy based in death. As for the swallowing live animals, I always found that shit to be real dumb. There's so much that could go wrong for the person involved and the needless cruelty is unwarranted.

jaggedjagd wrote:I don't find it as awful as you would like to hear, getting thrills from being a spectator to a tragedy makes you a voyeur at worst. As long you only watch and don't actively encourage real people getting eaten by snakes, you're a scumbag but just an average kind scumbag, not an irredeemable scumbag. Considering gawking at people get accidentally or voluntarily injured is an acceptable form of entertainment, from Jackass to stuff like "Watchmojo's Top 10 people getting eaten by snakes". Making the step from laughing at it to jerking off to it is only mildly worse as far as I'm concerned.

Well I'm going to respectively disagree with this part. I think what I did was abhorrent and far above and beyond any other bad thing I've done in my life thus far. The one thing I will agree with here is me being not irredeemable. I'm actively trying to redeem myself in my personal life by being nicer to the people I know and volunteering to help others whenever the occasion arises. I guess I should've been doing that stuff anyway but better late than never. Actually helping people in tangible ways has been the thing that so far has alleviated the most guilt.

jaggedjagd wrote:What is worrying is you sounding more and more like your mental health is at actual risk here, and what you really need is guidance. Maybe even of the professional kind if you're willing/able to.

I have cultivated a good support network of friends, family, and people online who have gone through similar struggles to help guide me. Of course, each group is working with a different set of information. No one in my real life knows about my vorarephilia and none of the people I'm speaking to online know anything about me other than my vorarephilia. There was a therapist I'd sometimes would see in my teenage years who is still available for contact. I have the option for professional help if need be but I think I'm on a good path going forward. My reasoning for providing an update yesterday was in case anyone was concerned.

jaggedjagd wrote:If your fantasy fetish seeping is into reality to an uncomfortable point, yes then you definitely need to shut that mental door and reevaluate your life.

I think this is where my original post left much to be interpreted and desired. I mentioned something about how I was in my twenties now and how this fetish had been consuming my time. For the twenties part, I had quite literally meant that I turned 20 relatively recently, under two months ago. In consuming my time, what I was meaning was the time I'd spent masturbating growing up. I've spent an exorbitant amount of time on this fetish compared to, say, actual porn of two actors having sex. Rather embarrassingly, during my first time having sex, I had to think about vore in order to get my initial erection going.

If you were imagining that I was cutting ties with people I knew and refusing to do things in order to spend more time masturbating to vore, then I am happy to say you're simply mistaken. Again, I blame any and all confusion to how the original post was worded. I haven't masturbated at all since I made the original post on the 30th, so I guess I've been unwittingly taking part in No-Nut November this whole time. I'm doing better than I let on, being in a bad mood tends to blanket everything in dour apocalypticism. It was no accident that I prefaced everything by apologizing for the histrionic nature of what was about to be read, I knew some things would come off wrong.

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Jayezox wrote:You should feel guilty about it. Something on that level of degeneracy is poisonous for your mind and disrespectful regardless of whether anyone knows about it or not. It reminds me of Eka's members who mention shamelessly fantasize about the neighborhood dog or kid for their own sick pleasure. It's disrespectful toward that real living person or creature and losing respect for them leads toward self centered thinking and not caring for others. I'm not trying to police thoughts when I mention this; I'm trying to be a reality check.

Don't worry nor refrain from being harsh. I had slipped up and crossed a line that should never be crossed. Policing thoughts wouldn't even be possible for the act in question because it was almost completely thoughtless at the time. It didn't register as being wrong until much later.

Jayezox wrote:There's a reason I like to keep vore as much of a fantasy as possible and keep real life out of it. I need to keep my conscious in check and I'm sad to see that not everyone can do that. It's even worse when some oppose this line of thinking. Having no morals is just bad for everyone involved.

100% agree. I think that what I did can serve as a warning for anyone that takes death lightly or fetishizes it. If you jerk off to actual death, the guilt will rip you inside out for months and months to come. You'll be hollowed out, you'll become a living effigy of a human, only masquerading under the facade of normalcy until you personally dive deep within your psyche and rectify your action. It's better to not have done anything wrong at all then to spend the extra time having to make peace with something terrible and hating yourself all the way.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby hungrydawg » Tue Nov 06, 2018 3:38 pm

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I've been feeling disinfranchised by my vorish-interests eversince I've had been harassed by members of the community in a stalkerish fashion. I hope that when you finish cutting it from your life that you are happy & feel better about yourself.

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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Bradleymiddler » Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:21 am

If your main issue is that you jerked off to the python death, I can't relate nor do I have anything much to say. Good luck.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Scrumptious » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:57 am

Speedyblupi wrote:You're being excessively paranoid about this, and that will only make the problem worse. If you convince yourself that your paraphilia is so awful and that you need to be "cured" of it, it is likely to cause you self-esteem issues or even psychological harm in the long term, as sexual attraction is extremely difficult to impossible to change - we've seen how supposed "gay conversion therapy" has traumatised hundreds of people.


Yes, this.
I think it's good that the OP is taking charge to improve their life. However, I don't think that being guilt-ridden is necessarily the healthiest driver of such actions. We're all human, and whatever it is that makes us kinky is not something we chose to do/be. Yes, how we decide to fulfill our fetishes is our own doing, but no actual harm; no actual foul.

tqueensway wrote:Morality is not an objective truth but rather a cultural construct as processed by an individual.

Pleasuring oneself to dark thoughts is ultimately a harmless act. It's enacting dark ideas that's more troublesome.

I partially agree with this. However, a cultural construct is not processed by an individual. Culture is necessarily shared. No, it's not objective, but its strongly intersubjective.

However, we inhabit different groups who have different cultural codes, and thus moralities. Some moral codes are also more widely shared than others. Many moral codes exist to control the sexuality of others, sometimes for the actual good of society, sometimes for the selfish purposes of the cultural elite. Since we live in dynamic complex societies that are rapidly changing, we have the opportunity to re-think our cultural codes and try to differentiate between those that are actually good for society, as compared to those that are just serving the narrow purposes of others.

Choose wisely; don't needlessly harm yourself or others in the process; be well.


sweetladyamy wrote:
Verilo wrote:...don't return evil with evil...


Whomever came up with 'Two wrongs don't make a right' clearly ignore Newton's third Law:
"For every action there is equal and opposing reaction. Going logically by that alone, the retaliation being equal and opposite, is not evil. Going by other factors including the balance equivalence, it is even less morally bankrupt.

I've also heard it said that "an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind."


Jayezox wrote:
Magnificent wrote:If I may ask a favor, I would still like someone on here to acknowledge that I was in the wrong for having had masturbated to the python story. I know not everyone seems to think it was a big deal, but for me, it was one of the worst things I have ever done. It feels odd that no one wants to hold me to it. While I know I'll never do something like that again, part of the healing process has to be someone saying "Yes, what you did was wrong. It's okay to feel guilty about doing that." Let me know that I'm still human guys, don't remove my agency.

You should feel guilty about it. Something on that level of degeneracy is poisonous for your mind and disrespectful regardless of whether anyone knows about it or not. It reminds me of Eka's members who mention shamelessly fantasize about the neighborhood dog or kid for their own sick pleasure. It's disrespectful toward that real living person or creature and losing respect for them leads toward self centered thinking and not caring for others. I'm not trying to police thoughts when I mention this; I'm trying to be a reality check.


Dear Jayezox and Magnificent,

Guilt can be positive and/or negative, depending on where it's pointed. Yes, it's a tragedy that guy died, but our world functions through tragedies of that sort. While snakes usually eat smaller creatures, snakes and other carnivores cannot live without preying on other creatures. Nature is just a bitch that way.

I think that the fact that nature and our morality are at odds with one another is a large part of what drives our fetish. It is our subconscious trying to make sense of the paradox. Subconsciousnesses are also not particularly deliberate, even if they are deliberative (obviously, otherwise the subconscious would not be called the subconscious). I don't think it's healthy about guilt-tripping your subconscious too much.

Try to chart a course that puts you on a better footing with yourself and those around you. Beating yourself up too much is not going to do you as much good as you might want it to.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby Jayezox » Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:41 am

I agree that senselessly beating yourself up over something is a bad idea, but we would never experience guilt if it didn't have a purpose. When someone makes a mistake and feels guilty about it, they should listen to their guilt and take action to improve instead of sweeping it under the rug and normalizing it. I agree that sulking and doing nothing about it is equally as bad. Maybe I didn't deliver the message right, but we should never create or fall into a Hegelian dialect trap.
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Re: I need to not have this fetish anymore, so here's the pl

Postby delet609hw6bn3296 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 4:11 am

Here's the thing: You won't ever be rid of this fetish. Ever. Unless you are insanely lucky.

You're talking to someone who tried (and failed) to suppress his vore fetish for the majority of his childhood in the hopes of outgrowing it.

You can, however, stop looking at it. You can't do much about your sexual tastes, but you can not consume the content. Easier said than done, but at least that is far more doable than trying to cure yourself of your fetish.

People in this thread are talking about conversion therapy. Even if you believe certain aspects of your sexuality are morally wrong or evil, conversion therapy is a horrible, horrible idea. Not only is it mentally and emotionally damaging, it's also spiritually damaging. Look at it this way: If God is merciful, He will NOT hold you morally accountable for your weaknesses or your fetishes, but your actions.

If you wish to abandon the lifestyle or action, by all means, seek help for that. That is not the same thing as "conversion therapy". Don't try to "cure" yourself, because there is none.
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