801888lu wrote:I also saw a third princess in the picture in the file, but I didn't find her in the game. Did I not trigger something? I'm sorry for my poor English
Not in this version yet, you didn't miss anything.
801888lu wrote:I also saw a third princess in the picture in the file, but I didn't find her in the game. Did I not trigger something? I'm sorry for my poor English
AllmightyImortal wrote:Not sure if this question was asked yet but who is all recruitable?
salamoun wrote:AllmightyImortal wrote:Not sure if this question was asked yet but who is all recruitable?
In the current version: Mila (fairy), Reila (naga) and Bel (succubus)
8th Demon wrote:salamoun wrote:AllmightyImortal wrote:Not sure if this question was asked yet but who is all recruitable?
In the current version: Mila (fairy), Reila (naga) and Bel (succubus)
Can't you still recruit Ashley the minotaur too?
JAIDEN2207 wrote:How old is your avatar and how old will your adopted childten be?
Stiff wrote:Who wrote the scenes in the Grandhol brothel? They're...markedly different from the rest of the game. That's pretty much my only gripe - I'm a big fan of being restarted every time you get digested rather than seeing a game over. Saves a lot of time.
BardicLasher wrote:Stiff wrote:Who wrote the scenes in the Grandhol brothel? They're...markedly different from the rest of the game. That's pretty much my only gripe - I'm a big fan of being restarted every time you get digested rather than seeing a game over. Saves a lot of time.
I noticed this too. They've got different tense usage than most of the rest of the game and it's weird and awkward. Could definitely use another editing pass.
JAIDEN2207 wrote:JAIDEN2207 wrote:How old is your avatar and how old will your adopted childten be?
I meant your avatar as in the avatar that you get when you start the game
BardicLasher wrote:Stiff wrote:Who wrote the scenes in the Grandhol brothel? They're...markedly different from the rest of the game. That's pretty much my only gripe - I'm a big fan of being restarted every time you get digested rather than seeing a game over. Saves a lot of time.
I noticed this too. They've got different tense usage than most of the rest of the game and it's weird and awkward. Could definitely use another editing pass.
DroolingPred wrote:I loaded up a save to play through the brothel scenes. I remembered them being sort of "off", but couldn't place it beyond one thing.
"Fruit" is an appropriate plural, so "fruits" reads strangely. The word "fruits" can be used to describe multiple kinds of fruit, but I would suggest referring directly to berries.
Then I started writing this post and replaying the scenes, and noticed some other stuff I would suggest changing. Constructive critique time!
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Details on Kotel's scene
When she returns to the room, it reads "Neko would quickly return with large bottle of milk and a huge goblet of fruits."
Suggested change: "The Neko returns to the room with a large bottle of milk and a goblet filled with fruit."
The biggest flaw in this sentence is the lack of articles for Neko and bottle.
"Kotel would only smile more warmly. She would start snuggling to you in..."
Suggested change: "Kotel smiles more warmly. She starts snuggling up to you..."
The use of "would" suggests future tense or suggested action. This interaction should use present tense.
Question asked to Kotel - "why can't you cannot drink alcohol?"
Remove the "cannot".
"Well Basically I have some alcohol problems. When I drink even a little I become more aggressive, dominative, and easy to piss off."
Basically is incorrectly capitalized. Dominative isn't a word, use "dominating".
I may go back through the other dialog options later if you would like further assistance with reviewing the scene.
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Erufu
"Sit or lay down on the bed and leave the rest on me"
Correct "on me" to "to me".
"Ok now that we have some privacy"
Erufu's character is really sexy. "Ok" is a sort of filler word that's mostly used when you're uncertain to reaffirm yourself. Just remove the "Ok" and the line will better fit the fantasy of the scene.
If you ask "Why" about her name, she will eventually say "I didn't mean to be mad on you"
This should be "get mad at you", or "didn't mean to snap at you"
Same line "as an apologize" should be "as an apology". Apologize is the verb form, so you would use it as an action such as "let me apologize", whereas apology is the noun, used such as "you owe me an apology".
Further into the scene, "Bra and Panties of Erufu's" should be "Erufu's bra and panties". You could also say "Erufu's undergarments", or "the thin strips of cloth obscuring Erufu's lovely breasts". The current wording reads in a clunky way and is haphazardly capitalized.
"Erufu would wink and move to strip you further"
"Erufu winks and continues to strip you."
"mushed a lot of peoples in there"
Changed to "people", it's already plural.
There are a few other minor issues with tense and plurality in the scene, but overall I quite liked Erufu's scene. Perhaps because Mirai's dialog is a bit annoying and Kotel's scene is not my preferred type of vore.
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That's all I'm in the mood to review for the time being. I've already digested the harpy in this playthrough, so I can't review that scene. I hope this critique is more useful than it is aggressive. I really appreciate the amount of work that has gone into the game.
DroolingPred wrote:I loaded up a save to play through the brothel scenes. I remembered them being sort of "off", but couldn't place it beyond one thing.
"Fruit" is an appropriate plural, so "fruits" reads strangely. The word "fruits" can be used to describe multiple kinds of fruit, but I would suggest referring directly to berries.
Then I started writing this post and replaying the scenes, and noticed some other stuff I would suggest changing. Constructive critique time!
-----
Details on Kotel's scene
When she returns to the room, it reads "Neko would quickly return with large bottle of milk and a huge goblet of fruits."
Suggested change: "The Neko returns to the room with a large bottle of milk and a goblet filled with fruit."
The biggest flaw in this sentence is the lack of articles for Neko and bottle.
"Kotel would only smile more warmly. She would start snuggling to you in..."
Suggested change: "Kotel smiles more warmly. She starts snuggling up to you..."
The use of "would" suggests future tense or suggested action. This interaction should use present tense.
Question asked to Kotel - "why can't you cannot drink alcohol?"
Remove the "cannot".
"Well Basically I have some alcohol problems. When I drink even a little I become more aggressive, dominative, and easy to piss off."
Basically is incorrectly capitalized. Dominative isn't a word, use "dominating".
I may go back through the other dialog options later if you would like further assistance with reviewing the scene.
-----
Erufu
"Sit or lay down on the bed and leave the rest on me"
Correct "on me" to "to me".
"Ok now that we have some privacy"
Erufu's character is really sexy. "Ok" is a sort of filler word that's mostly used when you're uncertain to reaffirm yourself. Just remove the "Ok" and the line will better fit the fantasy of the scene.
If you ask "Why" about her name, she will eventually say "I didn't mean to be mad on you"
This should be "get mad at you", or "didn't mean to snap at you"
Same line "as an apologize" should be "as an apology". Apologize is the verb form, so you would use it as an action such as "let me apologize", whereas apology is the noun, used such as "you owe me an apology".
Further into the scene, "Bra and Panties of Erufu's" should be "Erufu's bra and panties". You could also say "Erufu's undergarments", or "the thin strips of cloth obscuring Erufu's lovely breasts". The current wording reads in a clunky way and is haphazardly capitalized.
"Erufu would wink and move to strip you further"
"Erufu winks and continues to strip you."
"mushed a lot of peoples in there"
Changed to "people", it's already plural.
There are a few other minor issues with tense and plurality in the scene, but overall I quite liked Erufu's scene. Perhaps because Mirai's dialog is a bit annoying and Kotel's scene is not my preferred type of vore.
-----
That's all I'm in the mood to review for the time being. I've already digested the harpy in this playthrough, so I can't review that scene. I hope this critique is more useful than it is aggressive. I really appreciate the amount of work that has gone into the game.
Anonim1234 wrote:Hi Salamoun whether winter update? If Yes then which month is planned?
DroolingPred wrote:"Ok now that we have some privacy"
Erufu's character is really sexy. "Ok" is a sort of filler word that's mostly used when you're uncertain to reaffirm yourself. Just remove the "Ok" and the line will better fit the fantasy of the scene.
DroolingPred wrote:"Ok now that we have some privacy"
Erufu's character is really sexy. "Ok" is a sort of filler word that's mostly used when you're uncertain to reaffirm yourself. Just remove the "Ok" and the line will better fit the fantasy of the scene.
qq1486834788 wrote:I hope the game will do better; in addition, I would like to ask how the code actually works - I only use the switch in RPG MAKER.