Vore Art Advice

[SilhouetteofKid]

Hi! I just wanted to ask for some advice on something.
So I did a piece and uploaded just recently. I wanted some advice
on using onomatopoeia's and how to fit them better in a picture.

I have an example of the piece I did before I made the changes:

I kinda felt something was off about it but I'm really sure what it was.
Any ideas on what it is and how I can better implement onomatopoeia's better?

Edit: Ugh, I should have noticed the upload attachment tab below, that might
been useful before when I was having trouble getting the image to show up.

[Bright]

I can't see the picture.

This artist is good at using them. Maybe you can find a good example?
https://aryion.com/g4/user/FrostByte

[SilhouetteofKid]

I can't see the picture.

This artist is good at using them. Maybe you can find a good example?
https://aryion.com/g4/user/FrostByte

Sorry about that, I went back and fixed it. Hopefully, it should show up now.

And thanks I'll check them out. ^^

[merlovinit]

The best ones are usually hand drawn with a font that looks goopy or bubbly. Also from a purely compositional point of view that thick black outline around your letters is the darkest thing in the image which is a little distracting.

[SilhouetteofKid]

The best ones are usually hand drawn with a font that looks goopy or bubbly. Also from a purely compositional point of view that thick black outline around your letters is the darkest thing in the image which is a little distracting.

That's a good point. I might be relying on text too much rather than just drawing it, I'll have to test that out.
Thank you by the way. ^^