Hello watchers (and people who forgot that they are still watching me),
I've been messing with a high school vore setting and I would like to get some early thoughts. I think the story has potential but it uses a perspective and style that I'm not used to writing in (ie first person with tangents and digressions). It's a first draft so there should be many errors but I'm more interested right now in how you think it sounds. Are the digressions annoying? Is it too unfocused? etc. If I do end up writing this story (and I make no promises there) don't expect it anytime soon. I've written 3000 words so far and I don't think I'm even close to the end. But if it does get done there will be loads and loads of vore and vore references throughout.
Below is only the introduction. There is no vore scenes - only vore references - but I think it should be enough to give you a good idea of what I'm planning to do.
SURVIVING HIGH SCHOOL
By JuiceFox
I never would have survived high school without my friends. That should be no surprise to any prey who might be reading this. Loners tend to get picked off pretty quickly in high school, especially the smaller prey. I was always fairly scrawny, even for a goat. The only physical advantage I had was my horns. But, while it was true that predators avoid prey with difficult to swallow horns, my horns wouldn’t have been much of a deterrent if I were ever caught. My horns were small and streamlined. They might get in the way if a predator chose to swallow me feet-first; but head-first, I would have gone down very easily.
A rabbit friend of mine, I forget his name, once told me that I was lucky to have horns, but I didn’t feel lucky. Having horns like mine only meant that, if I were eaten, the last thing I’d ever see is a predator’s gaping throat. I couldn’t think of a more horrifying sight, and for a long time I thought that it would be much better to go feet first. If I were to be eaten, I wanted at least one last glimpse of the outside world before I am plunged into the black abyss of my predator’s stomach. I have since changed my mind on this. Because now I know that one last glimpse of the outside world can sometimes be more infinitely more horrifying than a predator’s throat. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I will begin my recollection of my high school days with my first day of freshman year, but first I’d like to tell you about my old friend Wade. We met when we were very young. He was my next door neighbour and we were about the same age so we quickly became good friends. He was a useful friend to have because, even in elementary school, prey aren’t safe from predators. Some predators start young and I was small enough for a lot of them to swallow. Luckily for me, I had Wade to protect me. He was a horse so he was naturally very large, even back then, and his size was intimidating enough to divert hungry gazes to easier targets. I’m not ashamed to admit that I probably would not have made it to high school without him. Besides Wade, I didn’t have many friends in elementary and loners didn’t survive much longer there than they do in high school.
I’m sure if any predators are reading this they think I’m exaggerating. Predators like to pretend that prey hardly ever get eaten at all in elementary school, but I know for fact that we do. And it’s not just the other kids doing the eating. I saw a teacher eat a kid during a school camp and another teacher eat two kids during a detention. I know that it’s illegal for an adult to eat a child under thirteen, but predators do it anyway and they almost always get away with it. After all, it is very hard to prove a crime has even taken place when all traces of the victim are reduced to a bowel movement (not that lawyers would bother to prosecute predation cases, even when there is proof). Six of my sisters and four of my brothers have gone “missing” in elementary school and I’m sick of predators telling me that I shouldn’t jump to conclusions. I’m not even mad about losing my siblings – all prey lose family, and I’m used to it – but I can’t stand predator denial. We all know where prey go when they go missing; we all know why nobody ever bothers to look for them; we all know that there would be nothing left to find if we did look. So stop pretending, you aren’t fooling anyone.
Sorry about the rant. If you can’t tell, some predators really annoy me. I know that not all predators are like that. I do. But I have met so many who are like that that it is sometimes hard to not paint them all with the same brush. But I think I’ve rambled long enough. I had better get to my first day of high school before I get caught up in another tangent.
PS: what do you think is a better plural form of prey: "prey" or "preys". I know that technically "preys" is the correct plural form, but "prey" sounds more correct to me. "Preys" seems to me like one of those plural forms that only biologists use like "fishes".
PPS: Also, what are the science requirements in american high schools? Do you have to do a science course/s every year? And how many each year? Particularly interested in biology; I think you can guess why.
Posted by miranda_dragon 10 years ago Report
This makes me happy
If I recall, science requirements aren't too crazy. You typically are requires one year of Bio, physics, and chemistry. More is optional. But I think this can vary by state.
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Posted by Indighost 10 years ago Report
I'm excited!
I love what you've got so far.
The digressions are not annoying. I think they're interesting and they let you visualize various scenes.
I will give you my thoughts on First Person Perspective, however: I tried it once for a vore story, but I eventually abandoned it and switched back to 3rd. I was not up to the challenge, but I think you are
And logistics, especially sex:
If the logistical scenes are simple, this is ok, but if they get complicated, with multiple characters moving arouns and fucking/wrestling/fighting, then 1st-person logstical descriptions can start to seem very odd, lots of "I did this " and "She did that " and "I waatched while they did this." This was where I eventually gave up and switched back to 3rd, so I could describe the sexy scenes without worrying if a character was actually staring closely enough to describe something in detail or whether they were just along for the ride. (I.e. I kept thinking, if this character was telling the story, wouldn't their relaitonship with the character affect how they described the sex scene? Wouldn't they want to keep it private and just say 'We had sex that night'. Etc?)
however! I think I failed my first-person vore story because I am not a good enough writer. i think you can succeed
I think the correct plural form is "prey" like "fish" as you said.
Miranda is right, you're required one year each of chemistry, biology, and physics, although some states may vary. There's also some that are forced to put religion in science classes; you could do something like that with the predator jusatifications if you wanted, but otherwise yes miranda is right.
Again I absolutely love what you've got so for and I think no matter what method you choose, your story will turn out great
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Posted by Scratch 10 years ago Report
I love this, the digressions are great. You could do a whole story of such digressions. I don't think they detract from the story, they just build up the world instead. The only issue is that it's hard sometimes to keep these stories going, as you get more caught up in the digressions than the main story, so you have to balance it a bit. These can also be nonstarters, I have a ton of stories starting with such digressions that are unfinished. All I can suggest in that regard is to start with the story, so you have that in your/the reader's mind, and then digress.
I always thought prey was the plural? Scientifically I think it's 'prey items' but I think prey is used as well.
Requirements vary by state and depend on what the student is doing. The top tier students typically try to go for AP biology as a final class; before that comes chemistry, and I think the other classes tended to be sort of 'combined science' courses iirc, which are as far as most students go (chemistry was an honors course, don't know if it was required for the college prep level kids) It was pretty jumbled though; I took an oceanography course as an elective one semester even. AP bio was really tough and I never took it (AP courses are sort of 'pre-college exam' courses that supposedly give you college credits, so they are really intense).
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Posted by juicefox 10 years ago Report
Thanks for the comments, guys, they do help. It sounds like most people more used to is "prey" as the plural form of prey so I'll probably write it that way (I'd rather be technically incorrect than confuse readers).
@Indighost: I don't think I'll have those problems. I've got a pretty good idea about what I want. Though, thanks for your thoughts anyway.
@Scratch: That stuff about AP courses really helped. As for your warning, I don't think it applies in my case; I have the whole story already worked out. My problem will be getting it all down. There is a lot of content to get through I might fuck up somewhere along the way. After all, I thought the last vore story I wrote would be easy and that turned out to be a disaster, despite Indighost's efforts to salvage the mess I had made. So I make no promises with this story. Because, if it turns into another disaster, I'm not going publish it.
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Posted by Scratch 10 years ago Report
Well you helped me quite a bit when you once said not to stress over the writing as long as you get the story out. So I wouldn't worry too much about 'fucking things up.' You're probably just expanding as a writer into longer stories and finding the complexity difficult to handle (just my guess based on my own experiences). If things get too complicated, start over and simplify. I've had stories before I wrote three times in length before nixing it and doing something far more direct and satisfying. Just up to what you feel will work best. Digression is a risk sometimes when the audience cares more about the story, though I think your digression here was interesting enough to support itself
Good to hear you have this one down though, I hope you do finish it as I'd love to read the entire story. I sort of wish you had finished the last one too, I'm not sure why it needed to be 'fixed' as the parts you wrote seemed fine and indighost more or less seemed to just write the inevitable conclusion (which, no offense to indighost as he did a decent job, but I would rather have seen in your style/approach).
In any case good luck with this story.
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