Vote for President Goldeneye in 2016.
Posted by TheGuyWhoKnows 7 years ago
He's an outsider candidate. He's not part of the same old political theatre. Outside of this dimension, that is.
He came from humble beginnings and clawed his way to the top with nothing but his own determination, grit and stomach acid. When he began, he was just a broken morass of fragments of other people's souls who didn't even understand what a body was, let alone have one. Today he's the tyrannical ruler of an empire which spans continents, and his body is multiple tonnes of the prettiest fluffiest catbird in the multiverse. And he did all of it without going bankrupt or deleting all his emails, too.
He's the politician with your best interests at stomach. And god knows he's better than what you have at the moment.
Posted by eatmeplease 7 years ago Report
If I vote for him, will he eat me?
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Posted by Leshana 7 years ago Report
But what of those who have already endured the shining torture due all those who vanish into his beak? Might they have nothing to fear from him, having already done his worst?
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Posted by dasamppa 7 years ago Report
Prettiest, fluffiest catbird huh? I'm sure i saw some other text there too, but i don't see how that could matter against this, i'm sold X3
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Posted by TheGuyWhoKnows 7 years ago Report
Goldeneye knows in such times as these what we truly need is unity. So he will devour those who supported him and those who did not, making no distinction, for this shall be one nation inside Go(l)d(ie).
Goldeneye can assure you that he has far, far worse things to do. He's a president with limitless potential, and limitless ideas, and limitedless cruelty. Those who have already been condemned to stew inside him will always find it can be worse. Some shall be bound to the layer of belly they are absorbed into, an endless screaming mind trapped on the warm softness surrounding that furnace. Some are siphoned away into little pocket-dimension stomachs, trapped and squeezed while they digest for the rest of Goldeneye's immortal life, screaming into the utter darkness of their own little caustic universe. Some are brought back from the grave just for their newborn eyes to see a dripping opening beak, ready for round two of what is probably infinity. And a hundred more. Don't worry, Goldeneye will always have more things to do to you.
Yeah, forget about all that. Forget about the economic policies, the foreign policies, the medicaid policies... what matters is, vote for Goldeneye and he personally guarantees that you will wake up on Nov 8 wrapped in soft, silky feathers. Or sweltering mawflesh. Either way, he's a politician who cares about you. And himself. Actually just himself, really.
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Posted by Rothar 7 years ago Report
But will he legalize the mary-jane?
Will he allow a man to explore another man with his penis, or a woman exploring another woman with her vagina?
When i have these answers i will have made up my mind.
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Posted by RedBoggle 7 years ago Report
I'm down for it if he eats Washington first, presuming they don't give him indigestion.
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Posted by Leshana 7 years ago Report
If you ever want to try more stories, it would be fascinating. I wonder if Milo would sign up
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Posted by TheGuyWhoKnows 7 years ago Report
Goldeneye doesn't much like marijuana himself, since he prefers his breath to smell of people, but he doesn't mind what people do to themselves. He rather enjoys digesting people whose blood is full of narcotics, in fact, since they're absorbed straight into his body and they do such fun things to his psychic-becacon synapses. It takes quite a bit to get seven tonnes of gryphon high, of course, so Goldeneye has to stuff himself with... "baked goods", so to speak to have a proper effect.
As to what you do in the bedroom or at the marriage registry, Goldeneye embraces it all. He particularly supports both sexes exploring a gryphon digestive tract with their entire bodies. He intends to introduce legislation which will encourage this sort of threesome which becomes a onesome.
It'll be a tough task, but Goldeneye's belly has digested gods, kings and monsters. He'll be able to handle it. And I think it's safe to say the pleasure they'll give him, of their taste, their squirms and feeling them pad out his hips, will be more goodness than they've brought into the world in their whole careers.
I'm always intending to try new stories. Sometimes they come a bit slowly, but they'll be getting there. I suspect Milo would not want to sign up at all.
I also suspect that's why Goldeneye would do it to him. Clever Emperor President.
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