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Ursa

venting

Posted by Ursa 1 year ago

 

caught a cold, depressed, still arguing with my partner (we stopped seeing each other two months ago and have been arguing since then),
the good things that are happening rn is my science studies and the fact i might finally get therapy i need. i have this tuesday scheduled for meeting with my potential psychotherapist and my potential psychiatrist.
i also have to remove my tonsils because they may become septic soon and they aren't doing me any good since i had that terrible pneumonia i was hospitalized with eight years ago. also i need to remove three teeth, it feels a bit sad to part with so many things that were in my mouth my whole life. i just hope it will be worth it and my condition will improve after all these manipulations.

the sad thing with my partner is that i'm autistic, so i can't really understand emotions. i can feel, i can analyse, i can make assumptions but i have no idea how it works in other people, because in me it works like a clockwork explosive mechanism that only gets me when it's triggered, so i can't feel almost anything but anger, fear and sadness. other emotions i have are more of intellectual-based nature, when i choose what to feel, imagine how it is and just stick to that. it eats a lot of resources, and sure isn't very good for a relationship heavily based on BDSM and kinky stuff: it just becomes either dangerous or very uncomfortable.

after this attempt on starting something like a relationship i realized how vulnerable and insecure i feel all the time with other people around. i decided to fix myself a bit because it doesn't feel right. being with other people doesn't seem to be right either but i prefer to loose a part of my personality rather then be a stubborn and sad person i am right now.
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BIGBIG

Posted by BIGBIG 1 year ago Report

Do hope things get better for you soon.

[ Reply ]

Ursa

Posted by Ursa 1 year ago Report

thanks. i do hope that too.

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divineBeast

Posted by divineBeast 1 year ago Report

just know that i care and i support you through this tough time!

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