A little personal recalibration -introspective vent-

Posted by Umiriko 2 years ago

 

Hello sweeties! You wonderful watchers, followers and supporters (^. .^) I'd like to start off by just reminding you lot how awesome you are, how much I appreciate you and how scrumptious you are!

So properly a long time overdue and more just wanting to write things down to get them off my chest and to help me accept it so I can hopefully start making progress and moving forwards. So yup apologies for the general waffle but I thought only fair to keep you lot up to date with things in Umi-land.

So a fair few of you might have seen a general slow down over the last year in a fair few aspects, less UmiBot updates and progress, less art uploads, slower reply times to private messages and less instant messaging and roleplaying in general. I have made sure these have not stopped and engaged with them as much as I can but sometimes it has been a struggle. The cause? Honestly I am not 100% sure and I think it is a combination of things adding a bit of extra pressure, weight and concern. Health, weight, COVID, work, money and pressures I have been stupidly inventing myself. Now I know so so many more people have it harder than me so I'm not trying to make excuses, just more trying to understanding the feelings myself.

I have been less motivated, less focused, exhausted and my muse has been playing VERY hard to get. Creative writing has been harder, making social plans is more of an ask, I have paused RPGs and as much as I have been wanting to re-engage with these I have been struggling to get myself off the first step. I often come home and default to what is easy and comforting, on one hand this keeps me feeling positive and content, but there is always this feeling and voice in the background reminding me of the things I should also be doing and how I might be letting some people down. I have been cooking less and spending more on take out and other than waddling to work exercise has pretty much stopped.

To balance the picture I still feel very content, happy, lucky and have some real good things going for me that I am so so so thankful for and appreciative of. A wonderful fiancé who makes me smile everyday and who enriches my life in so many ways, a roof over our heads and a secure (be it a little exhausting and draining job) and you wonderful lot! But by the simple fact I have been struggling to resolve the earlier points over the last year a change is needed, and claws crossed writing this and taking the time to work through my thoughts will be the first little positive step toward changes. So what are the steps?

Well first of I have taken a little time for myself to refresh, reboot and recalibrate (^. .^) A week to be more precise, I am a few days into it now and I am enjoying just having some quiet time, off work until my hatchday on the 1rst and then back to work on the 2nd. Work wise I am actually going to be mentoring new members of staff for a month or so which I rather enjoy and hopefully will lend itself to a few weeks of less exhausting work before getting into the madness which is summer at my job XD After indulging in some tasty treats this week I am going to get back to pushing us to cook more healthily and limit takeouts which should hopefully help weight and money a little. While our local pool is still shut I am going to push myself to get the old ring-fit out, reminding myself its not going to change overnight and not to overdo it and burn myself out, gotta give it time. I am also going to start trying to set a routine again, planning in advance housework, botwork, exercise and replanning-making stuff for RPGs. My hope is by planning in advance and not relying on being spontaneous and having the energy at the time I will stick to these things more and the organisation will help.

Claws crossed little changes will slowly add up to making me feel healthier, feeling better and having more energy and focus to start catching up on all the things I have let slide and not been able to do as much as I want to. I am being careful not to set my bar too high or the time to short else I will just end up de-motivating myself again. There are lots of things I want to do more of, get better at or get back into, so here's hoping (^. .^)

Thank you all very much for listening and for sticking around during this last year, sorry I haven't been as active or as much myself as I hoped and wanted to be. I know its been a tough time for everyone but that doesn't excuse me of my responsibilities, duties or commitments. So for those people I have let down I am sorry, I am looking to improve and get better but I will need more time. Wish me luck and thank you for being here and being patient with me, claws crossed it will all work out soon (^. .^)

Also to end on a positive, Wooooo its my birthday in 4 days!
Umi x