Well everybody, I'm still alive. I know I haven't stopped by in years but depression does that to you. I suppose it's mostly because of my dickhead of a father destroying me three days before my birthday and thinking about all my internet friends that were last online years ago that suddenly disappeared, that I've been pushed to the brink where I wished I was dead so I wouldn't have to listen to him bitch anymore. I could have ended up like them, a voice silenced. So, I've been trying to contact all my friends just to check up on them because somebody in the world cares about them and that somebody is me.

Welp, the roommate situation imploded on itself and now I find myself at my grandma's. Apparently we had until the 17th and not until the 27th. I don't know where I'm going after this and the past 3 months have been hell mostly because of the roommate. I'll figure something out but until then, see you on the flipside.

I suppose I should update this after almost five years and probably one of the darker chapters of my life. It was a rough set of years, but at least I found out I have depression and got the treatment I needed.

I am now a beekeeper and have been spending a lot of time with that project. Aside from working, nothing much has really changed I suppose.

All right, so what has life taught me in twenty one years?? Well, mostly negative things, but I got to sample some of the brighter things in life. I got a girlfriend for a brief period of time and finally got to experience love/intimacy/all that jazz that I was supposed to feel back in high school, but life decided to shit all over me in the worst way, namely having my best friend blindside me harder than I can even imagine. I almost broke up with her and thought I repaired the damage, but she continued to avoid me, which bothers me greatly still but oh well, it doesn't matter. Fifteen years of friendship doesn't matter either, and I lost two friends in one slip of my tongue, but at least I know where they stand now! ...
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God, how long has it been? A few months at least since I wrote that other blog of doom and gloom. Things are finally getting better for me, or at least I think so. I've learned you can't take things for granted even though I usually do. After not getting shit for sleep last Sunday, things seemed to be going better this week. I think I have moved on from Grandpa's death, several of my friends leaving Eka's and transitioning from living at home to living on my own. It's new, but things are going much better. Unfortunately, most of my drive to RP on the forums has vanished. I don't know what happened, but I feel as though I can put off the RPs on the forums for as long as I can but that's just a detriment to everyone around me. Sorry, but a lot of things have been going on and it is low...
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God, no matter what I do I just can't seem to succeed in anything at life. I've just been having fucked up weeks and no matter how well I do, fate has a nasty habit of kicking me in the teeth then curb stomping my neck. Half of the shit I do is my fault but still, most of the things that happen to me I feel are unjustified. If there is a holy power, he needs to fix this shit now otherwise I'll just save him the trouble and go to Hell myself.

To start this train wreck off, I jabbed my ankle with a machete today and received three stitches. I think I would have been fine without them seems how the wound clotted by the time I pulled up to the main building of my work. I was ready to bandage it quicker than you could have imagined but my boss decided that it would be better if we...
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I just kind of flew off of the handle, faced a lot of pressure from good ol' mom, realizing that I just blew $510 on three classes for tuition, getting the feeling my whole plan wasn't going to happen, being sick, and all sorts of other shit going on in my life just caused me to crack. I needed to let it all out seems how I can store quite a bit of that before it just frustrates me and drives me into insanity. Now that I got rid of all of it, all I can say is that I just need an extended break from here, shut my parents up and stop living with only $1000 to spend.

I'm going to bed.

This year has arguably been one of the roughest I've ever faced, constantly being bogged down in family expectations, school, friends, and whatever bull shit I've had thrown in my face. I'll just leave a list of what happened to me;

Good Things; Met a lot of new friends in real life and here, got into the Gaming Club at school. Yeah, it's pretty short but there is a lot of good in there.

Bad Things; Had quite a few of my favorite RP partners either lose interest, vanish, or quit. (I'm not blaming you, so don't worry about it) Almost failed a class. (Physics 203 is a bitch.) My video card finally died on me and I've been waiting about a week and a half for a possibly worse one. Almost died. Had shitty luck with jobs, the ones I ended up losing were much better than...
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Some days, I wonder how if certain things were different, how much would my life change? I often do this, seems how my life is so drastically different that what it was a year ago. People I've known have come and gone, more responsibilities have been given to me, realizing I can't be a kid anymore and have to grow up at some point (19 by the way), but I didn't think I took myself seriously until today when I spun out on the highway. I was on my way to school, just like every day, but the past week I've been rather cocky. (Found out I'm failing my Physics class and there's nothing I can do about it certainly makes one not really give a shit about anything. The puppy we got is just annoying the hell out of me too.) I was going 70 mph and decided to merge onto an icy, slushy lane thinking...
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I don't know.