Final Exam
A shamelessly vorish Kung Fu Panda story
By Strega

	It was a time for celebration.  For twenty years the countryside had dreaded the escape of Tai Lung, a Kung Fu master so powerful that only Master Oolong had stopped his rampage.  As Oolong aged, the villages worried that if the fierce snow leopard escaped, there would be no one to stop him from achieving rulership of the Kung Fu world and establishing a destructive reign.
	Finally the dark day had come.  Tai Lung had escaped his chains, and true to his reputation had easily fought his way out of a heavily garrisoned prison built expressly to confine him.  Even the Furious Five, who had spent their adult lives training for this very eventuality, had been defeated.  Five to one odds had not kept Tai Lung from felling them with the very finger strikes Oolong had used on him years ago.  A true prodigy, Tai Lung had learned from that one experience and had mastered enough of the nerve strikes to defeat the Five.
	Even Master Shifu had fallen, though the villagers muttered in low tones that only the red panda's fondness for his onetime student had led to his defeat.  Still, fall he did, and Tai Lung's victory had seemed certain.  Then, from the least likely source imaginable came salvation.  The fat, clumsy panda Po, who had only weeks before become Shifu's student, had defeated and destroyed the mighty snow leopard.  What Kung Fu he had used remained a mystery, but Tai Lung's very body had exploded at the climax of their battle.
	Po licked his lips at the smell of great quantities of savory food.  The villagers were preparing a mighty feast in his honor!  Or, perhaps it was a feast of their own, but surely a certain famished Dragon Warrior could mooch a few dozen plates worth of noodles, dumplings and roast duck!  He must think of a way to extricate himself from the company of his master and the Five, though, for they seemed determined to lead him back to the Jade Palace.
	“But master, the feast...” whined Po.  His head threatened to revolve itself loose from his neck as he ogled plates and bowls of food carried by passing villagers.
	“Soon, Po,” the little red panda said.  “First, there is one more thing we must tend to in the palace.”
	The passed the crater where Tai Lung had died, his body ruptured by the Wuxi Finger Hold.  The secret technique employed by Po had set up a destructive resonance in the snow leopard's chi, and his own massive inner power had torn him apart.  For now a tapestry had been thrown over his mangled remains.  Master Shifu had said that he planned to give his one-time student an honorable burial, once all the pieces were found.
	The entered the Jade Palace, and soon arrived at the training room where Po had encountered the wooden training dummies.  Everyone was looking at Tigress, Po noticed.
	“Why did we come back, Master?”
	Shifu paused.  For a moment he looked acutely uncomfortable, and each member of the Furious Five took on an expression of sympathy.  It was as though they had expected this and empathized with their master.  As though they had seen this before.
	“There is test a prospective Dragon Warrior must pass before he truly achieves that status, Po.”
	“Another test, Master?  But I read the scroll, and I defeated Tai Lung.”
	“Those were tests of enlightenment and external power, Po, in which you are gifted.  But a Dragon Warrior must master both the internal and external, the yin and the yang.  Breathing control, circulation of chi, the veins and organs, the eight centers of power.”  Shifu did not mention the hidden ninth center, for Po's studies were not advanced enough for him to understand.
	“What is the final test then, Master?” But even as he asked, Tigress moved.  Too fast for him to follow she darted in and drove a finger strike at his elbow.
	“Ouch!” Po leapt back, but fast as a pouncing cat she followed.  This time her fingers stabbed at his knee.  Po stumbled.  Only after the second strike did he realize that his arm was numb from the elbow down.  Master Tigress had concentrated her chi in her fingertips and landed a finger sword strike that half-paralyzed his arm!
	And his leg, he realized.  He staggered as his right leg refused to obey.  Tai Lung had tried this too, but he had struck at the vital points on Po's torso, where his thick fat protected him.  Tigress' finger sword had struck his joints where the protection was thinner.
	Po swiftly swung his arm, using his limited knowledge of inner power to circulate his chi and try to free the blocked veins, but Tigress had not stopped attacking.  As he tried to release the blocked points she struck his other elbow and knee.  In less than ten seconds she immobilized his other limbs, and Po hit hhe floor like a sack of rice.
	“This is...some test, Master.”  His arms and legs felt like they were asleep.  He could sense, vaguely, the blocked pressure points, and tried once again to circulate his chi and free them.
	Tigress had stepped back as he fell, her head canted inquisitively to the side.  When all he could manage after a few seconds was a slight movement of his fingers, she smiled and stepped forward.  To Po's surprise she produced a coil of rope from somewhere and swiftly tied his wrists behind his back.  Normally he might have avoided that, but not with his arms nearly paralyzed.
	“Oh, now that's just mean.”  She let out a purring laugh and bound his ankles, too.  When she had them tied tightly together she began walking slowly in a circle around him.  First she would stare at his face, then his feet, her gaze oddly intent.  With each circle, she moved a little closer.  It made Po nervous.  He felt too much like a mouse being studied by a cat.  Then Shifu spoke up.
	“Freeing yourself is a matter of time, Po.  Given time you can release your points and wiggle out of the ropes.  Master Tigress did not tie you as tightly as she might have.”  Po wasn't sure about that – half-asleep though his limbs were, those ropes felt tight!  Shifu continued.  “But can you free yourself quickly, and when afraid?  When your life is in peril?”
	This was sounding worse and worse.  “Peril, Master?  There's no one here but us.” But there was something in the looks Tigress was giving him that made him more nervous by the moment.  Did she just lick her chops?
	“You are not the first to strive to be a Dragon Warrior, Po.  This is not common knowledge, but several times a year we find ourselves at this point.  Sometimes it is Master Viper who administers this last test, sometimes Master Crane or Master Mantis.  Occasionally, when the would-be Dragon Warrior is small enough, even I give the test. But when he's as large as you are, it must be Master Tigress.”
	Tigress stopped circling.  She was close enough to look into her eyes now, and he didn't like what he saw.  Kneeling down in front of him, she said, “I wanted to do this to Tai Lung, but you killed him.  So it'll have to be you.”
	She looked uncomfortably predatory, but Po couldn't believe she'd actually take a bite out of him.  “Do what?  And why did you tie me up?”
	She smiled sweetly, patted him on the head, and then took his cheeks between her hands.  Leaning in close, she heaved his head and upper body off the floor...and yawned.
	She was going to- “Wait,” was all he got out before Tigress' moist pink maw closed over his head.  How had she opened her muzzle so wide?  His whole head was in her mouth!  His marvel turned to worry as her fangs jabbed him behind the ears and his chin squelched down into her salivating tongue.  Po squirmed, tugging at his bonds, but his limbs were still numb and whatever Master Shifu said, the ropes felt strong and tight.
	Tigress slid her claws down to his shoulders and used that grip to pull him forward.  For a moment their two bodies formed a triangle, each supporting the other, and then she let him fall toward her...just as she pushed her own body forward.  They fell prone, and Po's muzzle jammed into the back of her jaws, where the wet entrance to her throat was.  Her back teeth almost crushed his snout, making him wince, then loosened somehow.  While she tugged on his shoulders twisted her jaws around his head, loosening the grip around his snout even more.  He wondered for a moment what she was doing, then her tongue gathered itself beneath his chin and --
	GULP.  Tigress rocked forward and swallowed his whole head!  What had been dim pink maw-interior turned to velvety black throat.  All that saliva that had formed on her tongue and moistened his fur had also slicked down her throat, and somehow she took his whole blocky skull into her gullet.  The smooth, slippery throat pressed his ears down flat.
	What in the world was she doing?  Po tugged at his bonds as she reached further down his body to get a new grip.  He was twice her size, even if she'd been a snake like Master Viper she couldn't possibly swallow him whole!
	But Tigress did not seem to agree.  She inched forward, working her jaws wider as she approached his shoulders.  His short neck was already in her mouth and somehow, as her fangs raked through his fur, she stretched her jaws over his shoulders, too.  He felt a series of pops as her ribs expanded – his head was already inside her chest -- and even through her flesh he heard the rip as her tunic tore.  It was snug on her under normal circumstances, and it could not stay together with the enormous lump of his head making its way down her gullet.
	Po began to tug at his bonds in earnest now.  Whatever nerve strike she had used was beginning to lose its effect, but his limbs were still weak and the ropes were strong.  He pulled the ropes on his wrists tight as he tried to snap them, but before they could give way Tigress most unfairly grabbed his forearms and pushed them down his back.  He cursed as her lips took in his elbows – pushing his arms down had the second effect of pulling his arms in against his sides, and and Tigress took advantage to swallow him almost to the waist.
	He would never have imagined the muscular tigress could be so impossibly flexible.  Down in the darkness of her gullet his muzzle began to emerge into her stomach, which had all the acidic stink a carnivore's should have.  She was, after all, a tigress, and though pandas were not normally high on the menu for those, she seemed determined to have him as a meal today.  Her horribly distended jaws were to his wrists and her throat rippled as she swallowed, easing him ever deeper.
	Po tugged at his bonds again, but though her jaws were unhinged her cheeks and muzzle held his arms against his sides so he could not get leverage.  With another heavy GULP his hands were consumed.  His nose pressed against the bottom of her stomach now, and as she continued to swallow his neck had to bend or else break.  Soon his cheek has tight against his shoulder in the depths of her stomach and he could feel the muscular ring that separated throat from gut inching its way down his chest.
	How could this be possible?  He was twice Tigress' size!  He'd never have thought she could swallow even a creature Master Shifu's size – she was a cat, not a snake! Periodically the horror and impossibility of it overwhelmed him and he stopped squirming for a moment, and each time she took further advantage and stuffed more of him into her jaws.  She had almost engulfed his fat belly now and he was sure that if she managed that feat, he would soon be just an impossibly huge bulge in her gut.
	He was unable to move his arms effectively, but he could still kick, and Po began to thrash and worm about.  Fear and adrenalin had released most of his pressure points now, and if he could just get her to stop swallowing for a minute he was sure he could force her to disgorge him.  This was the test!  It came back to him that fast.  Master Shifu had said it was a 'test'.  Surely the red panda would not let his student end his days as a meal for the tigress.  All this was just to see if he could keep calm and escape her maw.
	He kicked with more purpose now, first thrashing from side to side to force her to get a good paw-grip before each swallow.  Each time she let go to reach further along his legs he kicked out again, seeking to hook onto something.  It was on one of these attempts that his sandals struck wood.  Instantly Po realized it was one of the practice dummies, and he kicked until the ropes binding his ankles caught on one of its lower 'arms'.  He bent his knees and for the first time, not only did he stop her swallowing, but he managed to pull a couple of inches of wet, saliva-dripping panda back out of her!
	The struggle that resulted after his little triumph was the most violent one yet.  His strength was almost returned, and even the un-swallowed part of him was as big and as strong as her entire body.  His clumsiness, imposed by being wrapped in tiger was balanced by the clumsiness being wrapped around a panda imposed on her.  For perhaps a minute they wrestled, neither making any real progress.
	Tigress, though, had one crucial advantage.  All her limbs were free and though his grip on the dummy gave him a firm anchor point, it was his only anchor point.  He could not let go for fear she would pull him away from any such grip and finish her meal uninterrupted.  It took him a while to realize what she was doing to capitalize on his weakness.  Why was she waddling forward?  She couldn't swallow him as long as the ropes were wrapped around the dummy's arm!
	But then her slow progress forward began to have an impact.  Po's knees pressed against the floor as her movement pushed him closer to the dummy.  Ever so slowly she lifted her head as she moved closer to the dummy, and Po suddenly realized his dilemma.  She could not stop him from straightening his legs, but if he did she could anchor herself to the floor with her claws and let him push his own legs down her throat.  He couldn't keep his legs bent because already her weight, and the weight of his nearly swallowed body, would trap his knees against the floor and she would swallow up his thighs.  He had to do something now or it'd be too late!
	  Po saw only one thing to do and jackknifed his legs as hard as he could.  If he could slam his heels into her head and stun her – but that impact never occurred.  The ropes around his ankles were still wrapped around the statue's arm!  Po kicked frantically, trying to free the ropes, as Tigress used the time to reach down, grip his knees, and begin to swallow his well-muscled (not to say fat) thighs.  He was well lubricated with drool now and she had managed to engulf his ample belly.  Several powerful gulps sent his fat middle down her throat, and that pulled his thighs in after!
	Po would long since have run out of air, but Tigress wasn't having any fun trying to breathe with a panda down her throat and her tortured efforts to suck in air resulted in her swallowing a great deal. He had enough air to keep struggling, as her fangs scraped over his knees he had nearly run out of options.  He could no longer even bend his knees.  All he could do was kick weakly and squirm.
	Tigress had him where she wanted him now, and it was merely a question of whether she could fit the rest of his body down her throat and into her impossibly distended stomach.  He could feel her struggling as she pushed herself the last few inches.  All that was left was his feet and ankles, and finally the ropes there were loosened as Tigress herself cut them with her claws to free them from the practice dummy.  Even as she did she pushed forward, trapping one foot against the wood and forcing it into her jaws.
	Po squirmed helplessly in his slick coffin as she swallowed his foot, sandal, wrappings, ropes and all.  The gulp started his legs sliding down her throat, and her fangs scraped his fur as his other foot was pulled inexorably toward her maw.  She almost seemed to purr as she conquered him, defeated him, took him as her meal.  At last her canine fangs scraped his heel, her muzzle opened, and the last bit of him went in.  
	For a moment his foot lay in her mouth, and her tongue found and uncovered bit of fur and gave his toe a sandpaper lick.  Then her tongue pushed, just as it had when this all started, and with a last heavy gulp Tigress sent his foot down her throat.
	Po could only wriggle helplessly as the last of him was pushed into her stomach.  The impossible bulge he made lifted her from the floor, as though she rested on a lumpy, panda-filled hassock.  The walls of flesh and fur around him were thin, but strong, and as he tried to squirm more violently her strong hands gripped the bulge and held him still.
	She had him now.  He had lost, unless he could wiggle enough to sicken her.  Perhaps he could nauseate her into heaving him back up, for whatever fit down her throat must be able to fit back up it.  Wiggle as he might, though, it did not happen.  Surely she could not be used to such huge, squirming meals.
	Then he remembered it was all a test.  A test he had failed, yes, but merely a test.  Any moment now, Master Shifu would surely order her to retch him back up.  He would not be the Dragon Warrior, but he would be alive.
	Any moment now.

*****

	Master Tigress belched massively.  She remained perfectly willing, if not actually eager, to heave Po back up if he managed to cause her significant discomfort.  This did not appear to be happening, though.  The enormous bulge that her belly had distended into upon swallowing the panda supported her body in the manner of a rather lumpy and squirming bed, but Po had still not managed to free his arms from the ropes, nor apparently from the lingering effects of the nerve strikes.
	Master Shifu and the others watched with morbid interest as the squirming within her belly-bed diminished.  This was by far the largest meal they had ever seen her take.  The next largest had been a female leopard nearly her size, whose ringed tail Tigress had slurped up like a noodle at the conclusion of the test.  Like the previous seventeen Dragon Warrior prospects, the leopard had failed the test.  Tigress now much resembled Master Viper after a large meal, which stood to reason as it was Viper herself who had taught Tigress The Way of The Bottomless Maw.  Crane required no tutelage, though he was not capable of such a large meal due to his smaller frame.  His largest conquest during a Dragon Warrior test had been a very skillful rabbit, who had still not proven quite skillful enough to escape his beak and stomach.  On the rare occasions that Master Mantis administered such a test, his own meals were correspondingly smaller still, and bloody at that.  Also rarely, Master Shifu and Monkey had their own meals, but they were little bigger than Mantis'.  Neither had studied under Master Viper as the others had.  By far the bulk of the previous meals had gone to Tigress, Viper, and Crane. 
	Tigress burped again, having the good grace to look embarrassed.  Much air had gone down with Po, and now she was also belching up the very air that had filled his lungs.  Her belly-bed was almost still now.  Scraps of her tunic lay on her back and more of it, and of her sash, protruded from beneath the Po-bulge.  Of all her clothing only her leggings and footwear survived – the rest had all but exploded from her body as she fed.
	Master Shifu sighed.  Had Po not killed Tai Lung, a technicality in the rules would have let Master Tigress take the snow leopard as a meal, freeing Po to be the newest Dragon Warrior without such a trial.  Tigress had waited years for the opportunity to work her jaws over the snow leopard, and had mused in idle moments that her greatest fantasy was watching the cruel cat's tail disappear into her maw.
	The muffled complaints from within her distended belly were silenced now.  In their place was a faint churning, gurgling noise.  Tigress' guts were becoming accustomed to the presence of such a large meal, and digestion had begun.  Even with her carnivorous nature it would take days, perhaps even a week, for her to entirely absorb Po.  In the end she would hack up a ball of fur and clothes like the great cat she was.  Perhaps even a few bones would survive her powerful stomach acids.
	Shifu clasped his hands for a moment, in respect for his short-lived pupil.  “It would seem we still lack a true Dragon Warrior, my students.”  
	One by one the Furious Five bowed slightly to him, then filed out of the room.  All save Tigress, who would not be able to move for some days.  She covered her fist with her open palm in respect, and Shifu returned the gesture.
	“Perhaps one day we have have another snow leopard candidate for you to test, Tigress.  You may yet see a pale-furred tail disappear into your jaws.”
	Tigress smiled, and settled down to digest her meal.