Mermay Special
Sharks Can’t Grow Beards!
 
This story takes place in The World Within, around the time the 1700’s turned to the 1800’s.

“Don’t be such an idiot!” The deckhand said to his companion as he continued to work the wet mop across the deck of the Papal Merchant Vessel, Sisyphus, “No, I’m tellin’ you!” the other swabbie, a thinner, higher pitched man responded, “There’s a dangerous pirate in these waters, everyone knows it.” “Yeah, and I’m included in ‘everyone’ as well, but just cus ‘es called ‘Sharkbeard’ don’t mean ‘es a shark wit a bloomin beard ya nonce!” although his words held frustration, there was a smile across his lips as he explained this to his companion, clearly showing his enjoyment of their back and forth.
“How do you know?” The second man asked, clearly not in as good humour as his co-worker, “I ‘eard tell that ‘es a bloody giant shark, stood at 50 feet tall, what catches merchant ships in ‘is fishing net like beard, and then ‘is team of pirates ransack the ships and take their booty.” he explained as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, the first deckhand stopped for a moment before shaking his head and resuming his scrubbing, “You’ve been ‘ittin the swampweed again if you actually believe that bilge.” he muttered.
“Well ‘ow do you fink ‘e got ‘is name then?” The other man asked, growing more incensed, “Probably got a wooden sharks ‘ead on ‘is ships prow, innit?” he answered, “Besides, Sharks are fish, in’t they, they got scales, like lizards, and you don’t see lizards wiv beards, well, ‘cept bearded dragons but theys got beards of spines, not hair.” the second man was silent for a moment, thinking while working before he finally responded, “What if ‘e was a shark merman though? I ain’t seen any mermen before but the maids ‘ave got hair.” without even missing a beat however, the first man responded, “That’s a good point, but you missed one important detail out, not even giants can get as big as 50 feet!” the other man simply shrugged, “Maybe the stories exaggerated a bit.” he proposed, “Maybe ‘es just real fat like.” “Well, maybe, but I still recon it’s just some bloke wiv a fancy prow.” and with that, the two bickering swabbies seemed to silently agree to disagree, although it’s not as though they could have continued arguing anyway, as at that exact moment, an alert was sounded.

“SHADOW OFF THE FORE! BENEATH THE WAVES!” The cry came out from the crows nest, “APPROXIMATELY TWO LEAGUES AHEAD! CLOSING FAST” the captain, Geoffrey Wayne, hearing the alert, came up onto the deck to investigate, pulling his spyglass out of his coat as he ascended the stairs to the helm, once he reached the top he raised the telescope to his eye and search the ocean ahead of his ship, sure enough, a great black shape could be seen beneath the water, and it was approaching much faster than he had expected.
“BATTLE STATIONS!” He cried out at the crew already scrambling to ready their weapons, a yelp of warning from the crows nest caused the captain to take another look at the creature, something had broken the surface of the water, an enormous fin, like a sharks but far too big had breached the waves on top of the dark shape, and as he watched, the shadow began to rise with it, revealing an enormous womans head, although her face was of a normal human structure, she had greyish-blue skin and pitch black hair, and her head was so large that she looked as though she could swallow the merchant ship whole without it even touching the walls of her throat, an apt description as it turned out, because as she rose more he could see that her mouth was wide open, revealing the pink maw and dark abyss off the gullet behind rows of wickedly sharp looking teeth, still headed straight for them.
The captain lowered his spyglass with a shaky hand and quickly analysed the deck below, “Helmsman!” he barked suddenly, “Hard to starboard.” and the helmsman dutifully obeyed, “ALRIGHT YE SEA DOGS!” he bellowed at the crew, “I WANT THOSE PORT-SIDE CANNONS READY NOW! EVERYONE STARBOARD-SIDE DROP WHAT YOUR DOING AND GET OVER TO THE PORT!” half the crew struggled upwards to the ships starboard, following their captain orders while the other half held on as the helmsman threw the ship to the side so fast that captain Wayne was afraid the hull might tear in two, thankfully though, it didn’t.
The beast was closing on them fast, it’s razor sharp teeth now close enough that you could make out their edges clearly without the use of a spyglass, the captain was still barking orders however, and soon, with a thunderous *BOOM* the first cannon fired, the crew didn’t wait as it was immediately followed by several, similarly pitched explosions as each gun fired off in turn, a great cloud of black powder briefly obscured the deck as the gunners quickly began to reload, not even needing the captains orders to carry out their task, motivated as they were by the oncoming maw, but, with a cry of agony, they found they didn’t need to reload, as looking out at the approaching sea beast they could see it slipping back beneath the waves.
Captain Wayne gaped in awe as the volley struck the giant sea woman, she had gotten extremely close now and was somehow even bigger than he had estimated, but when the cannonballs had struck her giant mouth they had clearly done some damage, it had been near impossible to miss at this range and most shots had planted themselves firmly at the back of that wicked maw, no doubt some striking a nerve or two, causing the evident pain, one shot had apparently struck one of those monstrous teeth, as captain Wayne watched a great white shard of keratin crash into the seawater that still filled the maw as it descended below the waves.

Cheers rang out across the deck of the merchant vessel as the last sign of the impending shark-girl fell beneath the crashing water, the great shadow it cast disappearing shortly after, the men were celebrating their victory over the great beast, and the captain tried to join in with the merriment, but for some reason, he felt, something, a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that not all was right, on a whim he turned to the helmsman, “It may still be around, or worse, have friends, resume course.” the helmsman dutifully nodded and got back to work.
While the men calmed down and the ship began to sail away from the dread sea-beasts haunt, captain Wayne stood by the port-side rail, staring out to the open sea, for the first time in his life, the sea-borne captain was praying to The Mother that he would set foot on land again soon, but alas, his hopes were dashed like an old lifeboat against the rocky cliffs at the bay of Cappilar, as, with a great crashing of waves, a familiar shape came looming out of the water ahead, and with the speed they were travelling at, and the distance it had emerged, there was nothing they could do, as the colossal mermaid’s mouth descended over the doughty sloop and slipped back beneath the waves, leaving not even a single trace that the PMV Sisyphus had ever sailed these waters.

“Pagan Gods.” Captain Wayne swore as he heard the echoing sounds of water from just outside the mermaids maw, silence had descended over the crew that had been full of good cheer just a few moments ago, one man sprinted to the cannons and began to finish loading it, but everyone else was just stood stock still in stunned disbelief.
Wayne’s eyes followed the man as he ran, and looked out over the dark mouth that held the water their boat floated in, he called out for a light, and thankfully, someone heard him, lighting the braziers around the ship.
Squinting in the dim candlelight, he noticed that the boat seemed to be angled as though the opening of her mouth was directly below it, with a shock, he realised that the colossal mermaid was diving, his eyes fell back on the man, now joined by two others, that had run to load the cannon, “STOP!” he yelled, “DON’T DO IT!” but it was too late, they had lit the fuse and a moment later, with a thunderous *BOOM* that was echoed in the fleshy cave around them, the cannon fired.

Captain Wayne winced, there was no hope now, the cannonball struck the wall, between the rows of monumental razor teeth and sunk into the cheek, this was it, she was going to open her mouth to cry out in pain and flood the chamber with seawater from who knew how many leagues below the surface they were, there was little chance of escape before, but now?
There was none, they were doomed.
But instead of that, the cannonball shot back, having bounced off the soft flesh, and hurtling directly into the starboard-side hull of the ship with the hideous crunching sound of high velocity metal against damp wood.
“YOU MORONS!” The captain yelled, “Look at the angle of the mouth!” he said, gesturing to the area they had just shot, “We’re diving, if you get her to open up the sea will rush in and we’d all die!” “We’ll die anyway if we don’t do something!” came the response from one of the men, and was immediately answered by a chorus of agreement from the rest of the crew, “I know that dammit!” the captain shot back, “But we need to think! If we just go blowing holes in the side of our ship we’ll never get out, we can’t panic now.” that seemed to calm the crew down, of course, this calm only lasted until the maw began to tilt back to the position it was in when it engulfed the Sisyphus, and then started tilting back further.

The view ahead, as the Sisyphus sailed towards the gullet of the beast was nothing less than terrifying, as the water rushed down the sloping cavern and crashed into white rapids, the sea-foam forming on top indication that it would not be a smooth journey.
And it wasn’t, even though the oesophagus was basically just a straight line, the ship still found a way to crash against the sides on multiple occasions, the mermaid had evidently levelled her whole body out, as the passageway flowed downwards at an angle, as opposed to the sheer drop that Wayne had been fearing.
Most of the men, somehow, had been able to hang on during the rapid ride into the belly of the beast, hanging onto anything they could find, but a few had fallen overboard, Captain Wayne had even spotted 5 men, all clinging to the same railing, flung from the deck when the ship crashed into the wall and the rail broke loose, he was honestly amazed the boat hadn’t splintered into pieces already.
As the ship hurtled onwards, the captain was steadily able to make out something ahead in the gloomy light of the ships somehow still flickering braziers, the tunnel narrowed, a sphincter into the stomach no doubt, and although the rushing seawater had forced it open somewhat, it would still be a tight fit for the seafaring vessel, “BRACE!” the captain yelled, fairly redundantly, considering everyone was already holding onto something for dear life but hopefully a few would realise that it was about to get a whole lot worse.

The ship crashed along the starboard-side wall of the oesophagus as it approached the sphincter, tearing more of the ship apart with every foot that scraped along the fleshy tunnel, the crew hung on for dear life as the ship approached the narrower part of the throat.
With a sudden jolt the top of the main mast was ripped from the ship by the now much more heavily constricted passageway, the other masts began to scrape the top as well and soon, the fore mast was torn completely free of its position, toppling the other mast in its journey backwards and even managing to knock the helmsman off with it as it sailed past, captain Wayne just barely ducking out of the way in time.
The ships hull wasn’t faring much better, the tunnel was now so constricted that both sides of the ship were scraping against the walls, no-one dared to look back, fearful of any pieces of ship that might break free and sail into them as had happened to the helmsman, but if they had, they would have seen a sight that would’ve turned them whiter than a sea bird, planks, metal fittings, even some of the crates of cargo they had been transporting, all flying off the Sisyphus as it crashed through the sphincter.
And the tunnel just kept narrowing, the water around them now pure white with how much it was being thrown about, a great moaning sound could be heard, at first Wayne thought it might be the great beast they were about to enter the belly of, but as a crashing sound echoed from beneath his feet, he realised that it was the bottom of the boat, apparently the water here was VERY shallow.
Just as the Tunnel seemed like it couldn’t narrow any more, they broke through, sailing, or rather, drifting into a great lake of slightly yellow, opaque, rancid smelling liquid that captain Wayne realised must be the stomachs acids.

The ship was in tatters, crates of merchandise and shards of the hull floated all around them, some were large enough to hold multiple people on top, and a few of them did, while others were barely splinters, and of course, all sizes between could also be spotted, captain Wayne let out a sigh of defeat when he spied the ships name plate, which had been torn free of the hull during their descent, in it he saw the futility of their situation, there was no escape, they would die in this stomach, food for the colossal mermaid all around them, their families would never even know what had happened to them all.
“Ahoy there!” A voice cried out from somewhere to captain Wayne- no, he had to have a ship to be a captain, from somewhere to Wayne’s left, “Permission to come aboard?” the voice asked in a mocking tone, Wayne looked up towards the voice and couldn’t believe his eyes, there he stood, on a broken deck that was steadily sinking into the now slightly bubbling acids surrounding them, all because his relatively light vessel hadn’t been able to fit through the throat without shattering, staring up at an entire galleon!
How did that even fit in here…?
Actually, never mind, he didn’t care, they were saved!
The galleon, The Sharks Bait based on the name plate was massive, it’s hull seemed to shine with a glossy sheen and had an ornately carved sharks head adorning the prow, looking up he spied the speaker, a man with an enormous black beard in a great red coat with a tricorne hat, a cutlass hung at his side and the handles of numerous flintlocks could be seen poking out from beneath his greatcoat, Wayne bit his lip as he turned to the rest of the enormous ships crew and his heart sunk a little, pirates.

Great poles with hooks on the end extended from the galleon and began pulling flotsam and people towards the ship, winch operated cargo lifts were lowered and the pirates on top collected the loot and captives, hoisting them all back up onto the deck, long boarding planks were extended to the larger pieces of boat that held survivors and rope ladders dropped from all around the great sea vessel for any survivors who were still able to swim on their own.
Wayne was the last to climb off the broken deck of the PMV Sisyphus and onto The Sharks Bait, he was immediately greeted by the pirate captain, who clasped one hand on his shoulder whilst using the other to grab Wayne’s own hand and shake it vigorously, “Pleasure to meet ya cap’n!” he said with apparent sincerity, “Although, I suppose ye need a ship to be called Cap’n, no? Oh don’t worry, I’m sure she was a fine vessel, when she was in one piece that is.” some of the pirates behind the captain laughed at his joke, it was jovial enough, but it still filled Wayne with anger.
“Oh but where are me manners? We ‘aven’t been properly introduced yet, I’m Barbary Tide, though most folk just call me Sharkbeard.” More chuckles sounded out from the crew at this, “I see ye’ve met me crew.” he continued, allowing himself to chuckle a bit as he grinned ear to ear, “This.” he stamped his foot, “Is me ship, The Sharks Bait, a fitting name I’m sure ye’ll agree. And THIS!” he said suddenly spreading his arms wide to gesture all around him, “Is me wife! Whitney Tide! The largest mermaid to ever swim the uterine seas of The World Within!” the crew took this as a go-ahead to begin cheering uproariously, clearly they were proud of their captain and his staggering bedroom conquest, “Just try not to think too hard about the mechanics of our sex life.” Sharkbeard said, patting Geoffrey Wayne of the chest, most of his crew didn’t hear this, being too busy cheering still, but the closest did, and nearly doubled over laughing at their captains crude joke.
Captain Tide lead Geoffrey past the rough looking sea dogs and towards his captains quarters by the arm, talking as they walked, “Don’t worry, I’ll see that no further ‘arm befalls yer crew, we only want the booty after all, they’ll be returned to their families safe an’ sound.” he paused to open the door to his cabin, gesturing for Geoffrey to enter, “Of course, there’s always open places in me crew if any wanna join, and that offers also open to ye, ‘cap’n’.” he said the last word with a mocking tone, but the look on his face said he was sincere in his offer.
Captain Sharkbeard sat behind a great mahogany desk and indicated that Geoffrey sit on the other side, he then asked Geoffrey’s name, and Wayne answered.
“Well then ‘cap’n’ Wayne.” Sharkbeard began, “Ye probably ‘ave some questions, well, we’ve got some time before me bos’n brings me ‘is report, so, ask away.” Geoffrey thought for a moment, he had more than ‘some’ questions, but two at least stood tallest among the list, “How does your ship not dissolve?” he asked, eliciting a hearty laugh from the pirate, “An excellent question, and one with an answer I’m quite proud of. Ye see, I used to cap’n a merchant ship in the Initiative, the scientists there often work with dangerous chemicals, and they stored them chemicals in glass containers, so I thoughts, why not line the bottom of me ship with glass, that way, I can sail ‘er in me wife's stomach and raid any ships she swallows with impunity, of course, there were some teething problems at first, but we were able to strengthen the glass by infusing it with metal, so there ye ‘ave it, any more questions?” Geoffrey answered almost immediately with his second question, “Do you have a way out?” this just elicited more laughter from the pirate captain.
Once the captain had stopped chuckling he answered, “Do ye see a shipyard down here? Of course we got a way out, we can’t very well cash in our booty if we spend our whole lives trapped in the stomach of a giant shark mermaid, can we?” Geoffrey suddenly felt rather stupid, it had been a fairly obvious answer to the question after all.

Before Wayne could ask any more questions, a knock suddenly sounded at the door, and it opened to reveal one of the pirates that crewed this vessel, “Pardon me Cap’n, but we found the crew manifest.” Sharkbeard seemed to become rather excited at this, “Very well bos’n, go ahead.” he said impatiently, “Thirty men in total, 8 dead, five from blunt force trauma and 3 from severe lacerations, likely all caused when the ship crashed through the sphincter, 2 still unaccounted for.” Wayne was speechless, a third of his crew?
He turned to the pirate captain only to be taken by surprise at the dour expression on his face, was he, remorseful?
“Any next of kin listed?” he asked at last, “Aye sir” the boatswain responded, “Ye know the drill then send the bodies back to the families when we make port next and package some of the loot with ‘em by way of apology.” Wayne couldn’t believe his ears, a pirate with morals? What the devil had he stumbled into?
Maybe joining wouldn’t be so bad after all, the pay was probably better than working for the Papal church at least, “An’ keep an eye out fer those last two, or you’ll be the one answering to Whitney.” the captain finished ominously, the boatswain however simply nodded, “Aye aye.” and left, closing the door behind him.
The two men were silent, eventually it was Wayne that broke the silence, “I don’t get it.” he said, “Why not just throw my men into the acids, let their energy feed your wife?” Sharkbeard regarded him for a moment with cold eyes before softening up a touch, “Ye gods, yer a pragmatic one aren’t ye?” he said, a bit of a mocking tone returning to his voice, “Whitney may be a bloomin massive shark woman, but she’s still a sentient creature, with empathy an’ emotion just the same as ye an’ me, probably more actually, come to think of it, if I knowingly let her digest humans I’d never ‘ear the end of it.” well, that made as much sense as Wayne could have hoped for.
“What do ye say then?” Sharkbeard suddenly asked, “Say about what?” Wayne asked, “About joinin’ me crew? I’ve been months without a first mate now, and ye’ve got more command experience on a boat than all of that sorry lot out there put together, so what ‘ave ye?” Wayne thought for a moment before looking the pirate captain in the eye. “Very well, I accept.”

Out on the deck, the survivors of the PMV Sisyphus stood gathered watching the acids bubble around the shattered remains of their ship, slowly breaking it down into a nutrient goop to be digested further in the giant shark-woman’s digestive tract, when one crewman, a tall lanky fellow, turned to another, shorter and stockier crewman, “I told you.” he said, “Giant shark.” the second man turned to his companion and regarded him for a moment, “Oh shut up!” he said.