ChaoskampfNunc - 4 years ago

Aaaww he looks so scared. Don't be~ You'll be juuuust fine soon~

ChaoskampfNunc - 4 years ago

Butts don't need a reason!

ChaoskampfNunc - 4 years ago

What a spooky boy!

MidNightOwlArt - 5 years ago

I make Sonic characters and if i make a character with a muzzles like a wolf for a example it is very hard to make for me aswell.
Specially if I am making a swallowing part.
I guess the best way to do this is draw the nose and mouth farther away from the middle and make the lines of the muzzles after.
But that just my guess.

MidNightOwlArt - 5 years ago

Cute! /)^3^(\
Pretty amazing for a month of practice.

ChaoskampfNunc - 5 years ago

What a cutie!

MasterGryph - 5 years ago

Well, that's an interesting take. It feels like the characters haven't set into their personalities yet, with Jess claiming she doesn't believe people get eaten despite her own past experiences. Well, they are kids.

When I think about vorish pokemon settings, I tend to go in two directions. Either it's a sudden change, or it isn't. The former would lend itself to rebellion stories, and factions making pokeballs more powerful to compensate. ("We already made the Emergency Override punch through Wrap years ago. Overcoming this new Devour attack is only a matter of time. Hey, how's our stock of Porygon and Castform?") With the latter, the psychology of society and the main characters is more important.

Arta_Shrike - 5 years ago

As someone who has also spent way too long on something that would be shrunk too small to make out the details, my sympathies. You did a nice job, though!

Arta_Shrike - 6 years ago

Glad to hear, expect more soon!

VincentShadowScale - 6 years ago

Hehe seems like this could be a lot of fun

AutumnFerret - 6 years ago

now that I re-read this I am noticing so many spelling mistakes.... oh my god that's embarrassing...

AutumnFerret - 6 years ago

To be honest I don't have a lot of experience with the mystery dungeon games either and I'm mostly going off of what I can remember from playing the first MD red version as a kid and what I've read online about the series.

I see what you're saying about motivations, I might do a few short flashback episodes that better explain the backstory of Summer and Tyler. I wanted to allude to the idea that Summer has a tragic past involving her trainer, and that's why she was so quick to turn on him.

I'm glad you like the Starly scene. I'm extremely new to writing vore, so I wasn't really sure about the vore to storyline ratio and tried to use it sparingly, but I'd love to have more scenes like that if that's what people want to read.(which I guess it is, considering this is a VORE site and all)

and sorry about the fourth wall break. I honestly didn't even know I left that in. sometimes when I have writers block I'll just start typing the most ridiculous thing I can think of and then erase it when I think of something a little more realistic, guess I forgot to erase that part...

AutumnFerret - 6 years ago

I see what you're saying about motivations, I might do a few short flash back episodes that better explain the backstory of Summer and Tyler. I wanted to allude to the idea that Summer has a tragic past involving her trainer, and that's why she was so quick to turn on him.

and sorry about the fourth wall break. I honestly didn't even know I left that in. sometimes when I have writers block I'll just start typing the most ridiculous thing I can think of and then erase it when I think of something a little more realistic, guess I forgot to erase that part...

Arta_Shrike - 6 years ago

Hi, welcome to the portal! I've just read through your chapters here and enjoyed them! noticed you're looking for critique, I hope I can be helpful!

Let me preface this by admitting that I'm not extremely familiar with pokemon, particularly the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon this story seems to be based in. I was really into pokemon as a kid for about the first two or three generations, but I only have a passing knowledge of pokemon past that. As such, if my critique touches on something that should be self-evident to someone more familiar with the setting, I apologize in advance.

With that out of the way, this was an okay intro. You set up the character of Tyler and Salem pretty well. If there's one thing I've learned from what pokemon fan-work I've absorbed, it's to never trust a Sylveon, so I was curious about her relationship with the furret, and how valuable someone that brash/annoying could possibly be to her to keep her from eating him. However, I will say you didn't set up Summer nearly as well. I don't get her motivation. She's a Charizard, a species infamous for being temperamental, yet she seems incredibly passive. She's just been convinced to eat her former trainer, in spite of having been formerly captured and apparently having been raised her whole life by humans, and yet she shows no regrets, is just barely concerned about getting in trouble with other humans. I don't get why she's apparently aggressive enough to eat her trainer but simultaneously docile enough to let Tyler walk all over her, figuratively and literally.

Another major critique is that, well, you have no plot to speak of, or rather, no conflict. Summer barely seems bothered by leaving behind everything she's known to live in this pokemon village. Most of the village seems fairly nonplussed about full-bellied predators walking the streets (though I will say I enjoyed Tyler casually swallowing the housekeeping Starly; I like casual vore and it matched his character, strutting about with a full belly knowing he had the guild's protection). And the trip to Ember's in this chapter was fairly pointless, yielding nothing but a glimpse at mysterious rock that might be important later and the gift of a revive. Tyler and Summer have no goal and no opposition, and therefore have no story. And lastly...I'm sorry, but the fourth-wall breaking reference to the writer just made me groan.

You've got a pretty good style and a decent grasp of characters, you just need to make the motivations stronger and give them a goal. Anyway, I hope these critiques prove helpful to you and that I didn't go on for too long. Best of luck with your writing!