alittletrolling - 2 months ago

This really captures the sentimentality of vore as a whole. For most, tgere's life, anf there's death. But... to worlds where vore exists, there is a middle ground. The waiting room. The slow place where, as you say, you sit, and think. And that's it.

Not to mention, the way you can switch from something bleak and somber to something witty, then back, its almost in a boat with Toby Fox himself. Fantastic stuff.

Sebistan - 1 year ago

incredibly underappreciated, and one of the most beautiful pieces of texts I've read for an arcane fetish. Amazing.

rabidPsionic - 3 years ago

Lovely story. It was super interesting.

booleanTrue - 6 years ago

While I'm flattered you remember me, I didn't write this! My buddy wrote it for my birthday a few months back. I just went in and cleaned up some of the phrasing and grammar since he wrote it late at night on very little sleep. You have him to thank, really!

Wordybird - 6 years ago

Ohhh, it's you again! Was hoping you'd write more. X//3 Find this quite lovely for a short read, Toriel's of course an eternal fave.

NekoBound - 6 years ago

......you're on a website where that happens regularly, you aren't gonna change anyones mind.

ken115 - 6 years ago

I think goat mum would never do this, it is just bad to turn a mother like character like this into a crazy killer

booleanTrue - 7 years ago

Thank you very much for reading and commenting!

On the subject of the "prey experience", you are far from the only person feeling like the story is lacking in it (that includes myself). Fret not for I am slowly but surely working on a prey side to this story. No promises that it will be out any time soon, but it *will* come out eventually.

Noxyoursox - 7 years ago

Very, very nice! Especially with establishing the dynamic between Asriel and Flowey/Evil Asriel. I think it might have been improved by showing a little more of the prey's experience (as opposed to having the point of view be entirely the pred's) but that's more of a stylistic choice, not something that is good or bad.

booleanTrue - 7 years ago

To the stuttering thing, I do agree that it's overused. I'll brainstorm some ways to hopefully improve it.

Like pretty much every submissive in existence, I love me a smug dom. Glad I was able to get that across. And I love stuffing, especially when it's mixed with vore. So so good.

Yeah, I'm another UT fan in denial about the bittersweet ending so I completely swept it under the rug. Sorry not sorry.

Your explanation for the ending is as good as mine, to be honest. Laziness was setting in pretty strong by then but I did try to throw in text that would make it obvious Brandon had lots of determination. Not quite the way it works in the game but neither is Asriel surviving or having split personalities at the end.

Hmm, it's hard when writing a limited perspective to include everyone's feelings but I'll see whether I can't flesh them out some more. I do plan to write a prey POV for this at some point but I'm not sure whether I'll add it to this version or upload it separate. I'm currently leaning towards the former since I'm prey myself and typically prefer reading that.

And yes, you helped a lot! Thank you!

Readasaur - 7 years ago

This is just my personal opinion, but I feel like the "Stuttering with fear" thing is kind of an overused cliche.
Other than that, I liked how vividly you described the interactions between Brandon and Asriel's tongue. The taunting was good too, Asriel's evil half makes for a very smug and dominating predator.
Not to mention the stuffing kink! That was very good!
(I also liked the world-building about Asriel and his human siblings. Hooray for ideal endings!)
I am curious as to how Asriel ensured Brandon survived that all, especially if shrinking him was that taxing, but I figure "Magic" and possibly "Humans can canonically bring themselves back to life in the game through sheer stubborn willpower" and move on.
If I had to ask for anything, I'd ask for more of the emotional impact this was having on both of them, as evil!Asriel got off on it and Brandon freaked out. (You did detail that, I would just ask for more of it) But that too is simply personal taste, and not something I can say would objectively make the story better.
Does that help at all?

booleanTrue - 7 years ago

I'm glad you enjoyed the read! Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment! I don't want to seem too needy but was there anything you didn't like about it or would want to see better explained/described? This is, after all, only a rough draft.

DevilSCHNED - 4 years ago

Made an account specifically to comment on this. Love this story! And, even if she wasn't sad in the end, I still liked how she seemed a doubtful or sorrowful/gentle when they were shrunken. The doubt might have just been the taste of the human, lmao. Still, good story! I always come here when I need something done.

GilPix - 4 years ago

A very finely written story with good progression and descriptive actions.
Toriel has found her new purpose to save the Underground

RoboMax - 7 years ago

No problem. It was an enjoyable read.

Wordybird - 7 years ago

Mraw, glad I made your day! Always happy to give a fellow writer a boost; everyone loves comments, not enough people are willing to give them. =3

And yeah, I know that feeling. I was taught in gradeschool to avoid word repetition, like most people. What school didn't make clear, or just didn't know, is that such advice is for writing reports, not writing a narrative. In a narrative, a repeated word won't be as jarring to a reader as a word that doesn't feel like it belongs. By no means dumb down your writing, but the way the words flow together should always be top priority. Not to argue with you or anything, just, giving some writing advice.

Again, you did a genuinely great job on this piece, and I'm glad you're going to continue writing! I look forward to that next story! ^.^

booleanTrue - 7 years ago

While I'm always happy to hear that someone enjoyed my writing there is no need for you to do or say so. You have every right to not like my story or to prefer non-fatal. I apologize if I came across as angry or irritated about your comment; I am not.