Archive > Requiem > Stories! > Forest Voices. Female furry pred, underage human male prey. She doesn't have sex with him, but she does get off while ingestin
This is a good story, the only comment I'd make is to do an edit to remove the changovers from present tense to past tense.
The changes distract from the flow of reading.
Wow, you really have story writing talent! I didn't even notice the changes in tense. This story has a nice idea, more-or-less realistic motivations behind the cracters (although I wish you had gone into a bit more detail about exactly *why* she did what she did) and even the layout of the paragraphs (gilbert's one line followed by her paragraph, followed by another line from him.) is all great. I for one hope that you will choose to do more stories in the future.
Both of the above peoples comments occured to me. The tense changing was a little irritating and why she did it or when she decided to do it (was it spontaneous or had she been planning it for weeks?) would have been nice to see-- although I guess that leaving it up to the reader is good too.
That said, it was really excellent. I enjoyed it and hope youll write more
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Posted by Anonymous 20 years ago Report
This is a good story, the only comment I'd make is to do an edit to remove the changovers from present tense to past tense. The changes distract from the flow of reading.
Posted by Anonymous 20 years ago Report
Wow, you really have story writing talent! I didn't even notice the changes in tense. This story has a nice idea, more-or-less realistic motivations behind the cracters (although I wish you had gone into a bit more detail about exactly *why* she did what she did) and even the layout of the paragraphs (gilbert's one line followed by her paragraph, followed by another line from him.) is all great. I for one hope that you will choose to do more stories in the future.
Posted by Anonymous 20 years ago Report
Both of the above peoples comments occured to me. The tense changing was a little irritating and why she did it or when she decided to do it (was it spontaneous or had she been planning it for weeks?) would have been nice to see-- although I guess that leaving it up to the reader is good too. That said, it was really excellent. I enjoyed it and hope youll write more
Posted by Code5 20 years ago Report
I didn't notice the tense changes, but I do wonder her reasoning behind doing it as well. But in all, that was a well written, emotional story.
Posted by Terris 18 years ago Report
A great story. Well written and quite compelling in a vore sort of way. :P
Posted by MisterEbony 18 years ago Report
Nice. I like this one!