the premise is good, but your writing was very unclear. many times i found myself straining to understand what was hapening and just how everything looked. youve got good ideas, but you definately need to refine your writing skills so you can be more clear in your writing
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Posted by Ragtime 18 years ago Report
Ooh, interesting. I like this one. I can't wait to read the rest.
Posted by Sycium 18 years ago Report
thanks. i'm not much fro 'grab and gulp' sort of stories, so even if the spellign is off... i try to take my time when i write.
Posted by soldier148 18 years ago Report
the premise is good, but your writing was very unclear. many times i found myself straining to understand what was hapening and just how everything looked. youve got good ideas, but you definately need to refine your writing skills so you can be more clear in your writing
Posted by Sycium 18 years ago Report
i appreciate your praise and constructive criticism. chapter two is on its way, and i will try to be more vivid and give the RIGHT details.
Posted by blackop117 17 years ago Report
so weres chapter 2