Chapter One
By keyblademark -- Report
First chapter and introduction of a female vryan called Terrie, and she meets another male like her.
-Terrie and Vryan's design belongs to Kellic77 from DeviantArt
-Losu and story are created by me
Curiously you can see the warning at the beggining of the text... what's else??? I submit the same file that i have in FA XDDDD
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Posted by Entity 16 years ago Report
hmmm,very interesting. Nice story.
Please don't judge me for asking,but is English your first language?
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
Thanks :)
Hehehe no, i'm spanish ^^U
Posted by Entity 16 years ago Report
I didn't think so. you did really well typing in English even thoug hit wasn't your native tongue
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
is good to hear that, i mean, i know that maybe i have to fix some mistakes but at the same time is good to know that at least the text is understable :)
Posted by momonari 16 years ago Report
I am not into furries so I only made it to the part where she transforms entirely, you're not doing bad at all, I was using fast reading so I didn't notice many mistakes, the only ones I DID notice were those in phrases I could not avoid if I wanted to understand the plot, and I saw around 4 of those mistakes in the main ideas, try to avoid that... Main ideas need to be VERY clear, but you did fine otherwise, you know how to keep it interesting. Do not ask me to read these anymore if there's furries involved, please, if you ever write something with a human pred(s) I will more than gladly review it for you. Good Luck!
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
oh it's ok :) is just this is my first vore write on english and well... i just wanted to see if is understable, i'll try to translate some of the text in wich is purely human predators ^^
Posted by momonari 16 years ago Report
Thank you, by the way, did you like my gallery?
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
it's good, i like the comic "torture" :)
Posted by momonari 16 years ago Report
Did you see "Ramen"?
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
i just saw it, hehe it was good the view from the stomach :)
Posted by momonari 16 years ago Report
Thanks, means a lot to an artist for people to like what he draws
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
you are welcome :)
Posted by kernac 16 years ago Report
Thats an interesting story, I really enjoyed the vore^^
But it also suffer from bad english, making it hard to read at times. Its ok but you should work on that.
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
thanks, as i said i'm spanish writer not english that is why i have some mistakes, but i'm trying to correct them on new chapters :)
Glad that you like it ^__^
Posted by Skorge 16 years ago Report
dude this storie is very kool.
p.s. been wondering if they had left would Terrie
have spared the first girl/ kid.
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
thank you ^^
mmmm well... maybe yes, she could vomit her and go but they just see her and hunters are around the city ;)
Posted by komaru 16 years ago Report
Was a fantastic story, a stinky ending is a good ending as far as I'm concerned :3 *justs begs for a good stinking*
Posted by keyblademark 16 years ago Report
the ending was going to be deleted by first time but i though that a stinky ending could be fine ^^
Thanks for reading :)
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
Vos hablas en español?
Posted by keyblademark 15 years ago Report
si
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
Y q uie d ice esta historia en e spañol?, o la tenes en español a e sta historia?
Posted by keyblademark 15 years ago Report
no la tengo en español lo siento
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
ah ok...:(
Y tampocopodes hacerla en e spañol no? xdd
Posted by keyblademark 15 years ago Report
para que??? casi nadie aca es español :(
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
Y en otras webs?
Posted by keyblademark 15 years ago Report
ya prove en FA, y ni caso tampoco. Si es una historia normal me la leen si no entonces no quiero perder tiempo en algo que la gente no va a comentar
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
Historia normal te refieres a historias sin vore? y no podrias acerla en e spañol?
Posted by keyblademark 15 years ago Report
como dije, no pienso perder el tiempo en algo que nadie va a leer, o en comentar sin tener ni pajolera idea de lo que estan leyendo.
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
Te entiendo, solo preguntaba nomas xdd,pues, no c reo q ue lea tus historias entonces x ddd, cuando encuentro unahistoria si no e s muy larga o si tenog ganas de leerlalaleo, a veces leo las historias largas xdd, perolas paso x un traducttor solosi e lq ue las escribio solo hable ingles o no sepa que habla español ajajaj xddd, disculpame si no t e ofendi, no queria ofenderrw:(
Posted by keyblademark 15 years ago Report
no ofendiste no te apures
Posted by Redpod 15 years ago Report
No me apuro, solo digo no creo que ea tus historias mientras que esten e n ingles xdd
Posted by Gelenor 14 years ago Report
A very good story, especially since english is not your first language. I read the other comments, that is how I found that out. Anyways I really like the way you described the prey being eaten. Asa fellow writer I can appreciate someone talented when I see them. Honestly outside of the few random mistakes due to this not being your native language, I noticed very few grammar mistakes.
If you like vore, digestion, and a scat ending you might want to check out my stories. I will be reading more of yours when I can.
Posted by keyblademark 14 years ago Report
ahh thanks a lot friend :) hehehe yeah that text was writed directly on english that is why i got some mistakes ^^
Next ones are on spanish but traslated on english by a friend, in that way i can write more faster and yeah, i'll check your work ^_^
Posted by Gelenor 14 years ago Report
When do are you going to start on your next part? Also let me know what you think of my story after you read it.
Posted by keyblademark 14 years ago Report
i got an idea for a next chapter but i have to do other text first :)
Hehehe sure friend ^^
Posted by 176809 14 years ago Report
a very good story. i liked how terrie gave the kids pleanty wanings but they ignored her . i wonder if she will team up with losu in getting rid of criminals and undesireables . looking forward to the next installment
Posted by keyblademark 14 years ago Report
hehehe thanks a lot ^^ Maybe i'm going to change some things in the text i mean like a reboot of the story and at the same time sequel of this one ^^